


I'm Not Her

by RuralReader



Category: Blake Shelton (Musician), The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-10-19 20:55:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 78,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20663648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuralReader/pseuds/RuralReader
Summary: Finding herself on tour again after a grueling divorce, Gwen's tour bus breaks down in Oklahoma.  With a little help on the way, she meets a man that intrigues her and sparks life in her again.  This story is A/U in aspects.  Warnings eventually: But, the first couple of chapters are safe!





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own these characters and this is a fictional story for enjoyment only. This story occurs in an A/U.

I’m Not Her

By  
Rural Reader

Chapter 1

Staring out the bus window, I watched as the scenery changed yet again. State after state, the beauty was there, but I wasn’t seeing any of it. I was a stranger in my own body. We were somewhere in the Midwest, maybe the South-West… I’d lost track after so many days. I heard the laughter of my 2 oldest children from the back of the bus as they played on the gaming system. I looked down at my youngest, barely a year old, sleeping in arms so peacefully. What I wouldn’t give to have just a moment of his peace… But I couldn’t. There were so many people depending on me, let alone my family. I blinked tears back as I continued to stare out the window. 

How did I get here? How did this become my life? I had such grand plans for a home and babies, being a stay at home mother - instead I’m raising my children on the road, the very last thing I wanted for them. A bitter taste settled in my mouth at that thought. I shrugged it away just as quickly, because the reason for THAT had already taken so much from me, I refused to let him take any more from me. After the baby was old enough, I took the boys and didn’t look back. I’m not her… the woman who used to dream. If anything, I’m a realist and next to my faith in God and love for my children, I’m a lost soul.

As I went to shift the baby in my arms, the bus suddenly turned sharply to the right, then the left as it started to shake and lose speed. I automatically clutched Apollo tighter to me as I peaked around the bus seat to see if I could get a glimpse of what was happening to cause such chaos. My other two boys, King and Zuma, started yelling from the back of the bus, “Is something wrong with the road Mom?” I was starting to panic when the bus swerved again, this time a sharp left that almost threw me out of my seat. I yelled back to the boys, “Stay put guys, don’t move until I find out what’s going on!” A severe rocking motion began and we came to a complete stop in the middle of the road. I sighed with relief and slowly stood up.

Hugh, my bus driver, looked at me with alarm. “We blew two tires Gwen. One on each side.” I nodded my understanding as I adjusted Apollo again. I patted Hugh on the shoulder. “Thank you for getting the bus stopped safely. Where are we?” He looked surprised for a second, then quickly answered, “Somewhere in Oklahoma. The rest of the crew are in front of us, so we’ll have to call a tow truck or something equivalent to get us back on the road. We’ve got a couple days until we have to be at the venue though.”

Bless Hugh and his knowledge of my life. He’s been my bus driver since the early days and has stayed with me. He’s family and knows exactly why I’m not as alert as usual. Two other little heads joined us at the front of the bus, asking the same questions. Deciding our next move, I found my cell phone and discovered I had absolutely no service at our current location. How was that even possible? I blinked in disbelief. Sighing, I moved a still sleeping Apollo over my shoulder and took my phone outside, hoping that might help the signal.

After walking around for 10 minutes, I was convinced we had travelled back in time. There was no signal and no sign of anyone for miles that I could see. Apollo was starting to wake up and I had no idea what to do. King and Zuma had happily resumed their video gaming on the bus. I walked around the bus to take a look at the tires and that’s when I heard the rumble of a vehicle, rather it sounded like a big truck.

Sweet Jesus. 

Holding my free hand up to shade my face from the sun, I got a glimpse of one of the tallest men I’ve ever seen in my life climbing out of a full size black truck. I couldn’t see much beyond the cowboy boots and his height due to the sun reflecting off my bus and his truck; but I refused to be intimidated at this moment.

I heard him speak before I fully saw him and I could feel my head turning to the side in interest, “Everyone alright in there? Do I need to call for help?” He must have kept walking as he was talking, because suddenly he was standing in front of me and I was left staring up, up, up into the most intense blue eyes I’ve ever seen. My mouth might have fell open, I’m not sure...if it did, it was from shock because he was a huge guy.

I blinked to clear the haze out of my brain and nodded, because finding words wasn’t something I could do yet. The tall guy waved a hand in front of my face slowly. “Are y’all okay here? Are you hurt or something?” I shook my head and cleared my throat. “Sorry, no. We’re okay. Just running into some connection problems to get help out here.” I showed him my cell phone and shook it for emphasis. I groaned inwardly, Gosh, why did I just do that?

The guy grinned huge and his eyes twinkled… and he had laugh lines. I heard of laugh lines, but I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed them before this moment. He stuck his hand out as he was grinning, “I’m Blake. And no, service around here is crap. I can help you folks out though. It happens frequently through this stretch of road.”

I blinked again and then found myself smiling at his ease and charm. I boosted Apollo up higher and then gave Blake my free hand to shake. “I’m Gwen. And this little human is Apollo. There’s a couple more on the bus.”

Why did he look familiar? Was it the eyes? And were those dimples? Sweet Baby Jesus, dimples... I shook my head again. Lord, I’m a divorced mother of three on tour and I have way too many responsibilities to be looking at eyes and dimples. But, when was the last time I even had any remote interest in such a thing? Right.

A sudden expletive and a huge booming laugh from in front of me interrupted my thoughts. I looked at Blake with confusion. “Holy Shit! I thought I recognized you! I almost didn’t because you aren’t wearing makeup! Gwen Stefani, broke down in my home state. What are the chances?”

I could feel myself turning red with embarrassment at the makeup remark. It was always a bone of contention with my ex-husband. I suddenly wanted the earth to just swallow me up whole and to be anywhere, but here. I stared at my feet and nodded slowly.

Blake must have sensed my discomfort because he stepped forward and said, “Hey, I meant that as a compliment, nothing else. You ask me, you should just leave the makeup off, but what do I know? I stick a foot in my mouth all the damn time.” Then he laughed at himself.

Just like that, the tension I was feeling eased. I was comfortable around him and that was weird. I wasn’t even comfortable in my own skin since I’ve had Apollo. Surely I haven’t met him before, because there was no way anyone could forget those eyes. 

I watched as Blake immediately took charge of the situation. What was his last name? Blake from Oklahoma… no memories surfaced. As I was once again trying to recall something that was probably not there, Blake had been on and off the phone and even managed to round up Hugh, King, and Zuma. I blinked as I watched my two oldest boys talking in depth to him about fishing with excited.

Fishing.

What in the world? I was feeling so confused. First, I’m comfortable around this virtual stranger and suddenly my boys, the two that barely smiled the last 6 months were all grins and excitement? I took a deep breath and released it, then walked towards the group that was gathering towards the big, black truck. I looked at all the testosterone in front of me and asked, “Do we have a plan?”

King and Zuma started to speak at once, then decided to start jumping up and down instead. Hugh was grinning fondly as my boys as he turned to look at me and then nodded towards Blake, “I’ll let Mr. Shelton lay out the plans, but I think it’s dang good plan.” With that Hugh ushered my older two boys in the backseat of the truck and climbed in after them. I shook my head in shock, then looked at the person Hugh referred to as Mr. Shelton. “Blake?”

The man in question was watching me with interest and a hint of a smile. “That’s me. I’m also the Mr. Shelton that Hugh referred to. Although I told him the only Mr. Shelton I’ve met was my father.”

Was I interesting? And what was that smile? Something I long thought dead uncurled inside of me, interest in man. What in the hell was wrong with me? Shaking my head against my inner monologue, I bit my lip as I asked, “What exactly are we doing?”

Blake came around to my side of the truck and opened my door. I watched, in shock once again. Guys still opened doors for girls? Huh. He cleared his throat as he asked, “Do you want me to take the little guy while you get settled?”

Shit. He opens doors and holds babies willingly? 

A deep laugh escaped next to me, “Yes, yes I do Gwen. I happen to have the manners my mama taught me and I also happen to love kids too.”

I groaned, “Please tell me I didn’t say that aloud?” I could feel my cheeks heating under my normally pale skin. I’ve known him 30 minutes? More? Less? And I was already a hot mess.

He laughed again. It was husky and deep. I was intrigued. I’ve never heard a guy that laughed like him, like he threw his entire body into it. What did that feel like? Have I ever even laughed like that? 

Suddenly my arms were lighter as he gently took Apollo from me with no warning, balancing him over one shoulder, then using his other arm and boosting me up into the front seat. The entire thing seemed effortless for him. Before I could reach up and take Apollo from him, Blake was gently snapping my seatbelt in place, then he handed me the baby. Before shutting my door, he looked to the backseat and addressed the boys, “Do y’all have your seatbelts on back there?”

A series of answers gave the affirmative and our eyes met as he was closing my door. He gave me another blinding smile as he rounded the truck.

Did he tell me the plan? I couldn’t remember. I looked around the truck and was surprised to find it sparkling clean and loaded with every gadget that fancy cars in California had. Did all this stuff work out here is the middle of nowhere? I added that to the list of questions that I was compiling in my head.

Blake’s truck door opened and he hopped in easily. Of course, I probably would too if I was that tall. He fired up the truck and I started to panic. I held up a hand, as if that would stop him if he really just wanted to take off with us. “What’s the plan? Do we have a plan? Do I know you? What about my kids? The bus? Is there a hotel here? A rental car place? Our luggage!!” 

I couldn’t stop the flow of words out of my mouth once it began. I was a nervous wreck.

Blake wrapped both of his large hands around the one I held up and gently pulled it down. His intense blue eyes met my brown eyes for a moment and he said, “Gwen, stop. Take a deep breath.” I did as he said. My hand felt tiny between his large palms and I could feel it shaking. He continued, “Good, now take another. As I was telling Hugh and your boys, my ranch is only about 10 miles from here and it’s private. I have a guest house y’all can use as long as you want. I come home as often as I can for privacy, so no one will disturb you there.”

A guest house? Oh my Lord. I finally recognized the man in front of me. He was the same man I watched on the television screen while at my parent’s house when I was pregnant with Apollo. He was a coach on a reality show with music. The show intrigued me, he intrigued me. How did I end up here again?

I sighed. Maybe with relief, maybe with something else… I’m not really sure to be honest. I nodded at Blake and managed to find my voice in the midst of shock I was feeling, “Thank you Blake. We really appreciate it and try not to trouble you for very long. I understand how valuable privacy is.”

He grinned and put the truck in drive. Suddenly we were flying down an empty highway and the boys were whooping in the backseat. I looked down and found Apollo staring out the window, with his thumb in his mouth. Blake looked over at me and asked, “I know you don’t sing country, but do you have a preference for what I put on the radio?”

Despite being broke down and plays awry, I grinned at him, feeling lighter than I had in ages. I shook my head, “I’ll be honest. I”m not that familiar with country music.”

He looked at me in disbelief. This time it was my turn to laugh loudly and it felt so good!! He looked almost like an owl, his eyes were so round. “Are you serious? Well, we are gonna fix that right now! Let’s put some Earl Thomas Conley on and get this show on the road!”

I glanced at Blake with a smile and snuggled Apollo closer to me. I leaned back in my seat, settling in. I listened to King and Zuma chatter in the back, excitement growing about visiting a real life ranch. And when I heard Hugh’s snores, I relaxed even more, because that meant the boys and I were safe with this man… my radar wasn’t off this time.

I’m not her, not anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake, Gwen, and the boys arrive at the ranch.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story from my own imagination. It is also set in an A/U in many ways. No warnings for this chapter outside of language.

I’m  
Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 2

It could have been 15 minutes or it could have been an hour, I don’t really have a full concept of time anymore. But we were turning off the highway to a dirt road that held a gate on each side and some kind of grate that made noise when the truck drove over it. More excited chatter drifted from the backseat. I turned so I could see the boys and smiled, “What are you two so excited about?”

Zuma was hopping up and down in his seat, as much as his safety belt would allow. King rolled his eyes, like the preteen he was and laughed, “The ranch, Mom!! Didn’t Blake tell you he lived on a ranch with all kinds of animals?”

I couldn’t help it. My heart turned over. My sweet baby boy. Seeing him excited about such simple things was enough to make meet want to weep with joy. He had become such an introvert lately, outside of his relationship with me or Zuma, that I was growing worried.

King and Zuma high fived each other and laughed. Hugh continued to snore in the corner. I tried to sneak a peek at Blake without seeming obvious and found him driving with one hand on the wheel and another huge grin on his face as he watched the road in front of him. 

What did he find so amusing? Such an odd, tall, cute human. And I have no idea where those thoughts surfaced from. I sighed and blamed it on the many hours I spent watching him coach news singers on television with some of my mutual acquaintances and friends that had filled in as coaches.

The sound of gravel crunching stopped. I looked away from Blake to find a sprawling house in front of us. I looked around with interest. I saw a huge barn in the distance with the doors standing open and a tractor parked on the side. And what was that sound? My gaze darted around, searching? And when I confirmed what I saw, I laughed loudly. “Are those chickens running loose in your yard?” I asked Blake.

I turned to look at him when he didn’t answer me right away. He was bright red with embarrassment, but smiling. “Yes ma’am. They have free rein of the place usually.”

I always wanted a chicken...or chickens. A cough, then laugh startled me. I sighed. “I said that aloud again didn’t I?” Forget having any sort of filter with this man, evidently I threw that out the window when the bus broke down. Blake opened his door, looking at me as he closed it, then winked.

Winked. 

Wait. He winked at me. ME. What does that mean? I’m in my 40s, with 3 children, and divorced...men DO NOT wink at me. Now the old me? Her? They winked at her all the time. Not anymore…. I’m so confused.

I watched Blake round the truck and come to my door. Surely he wasn’t going to open my door again? I gaped at him as he not only opened my door, but once again plucked an awake Apollo from my arms and gently lifted me down with his free arm. I blinked up at him and laughed, “Can you warn a girl first?”   
Blake shrugged his shoulders. “I like the look of surprise on your face.”

And once again, I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I reached over to take Apollo from him and to my utter shock, Apollo fisted Blake’s shirt and refused to let go. I gaped again. The only men that Apollo would usually let hold him were my father, brother, and sometimes Hugh. I could feel tears of disbelief gathering at the corner of my eyes. Blake seemed to catch on because he put his free hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, then said, “Hey, it’s okay. I got him. And you are all going to be okay. One step at a time.”

I can’t tell you what hearing him say that did for me, even though he was a virtual stranger. Call it cliche, but I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear someone, anyone say those words until I heard them. I released a breath and counted to three, then felt what was left of the tension in my body drain away for the first time.

Zuma and King were already out of the truck, standing next to either side of Blake. Hugh stood behind Zuma, still looking tired. I immediately felt guilty. We were on the last leg of this tour, but maybe I was pushing everyone too hard, including myself. Have I been so caught up in my own sorrows, that I’ve also neglected to see family and friends suffering? Thinking to myself that I would make that a top priority to work on, I was startled when Blake gently took my hand and pulled me towards the house. 

This was the guest house? Where did he live? Did that mean the chickens were in the guest house yard? A sense of calm began to settle over me as the boys, Hugh, and I followed Blake, who had Apollo still tucked in his arm.

When we reached the porch, I watched King’s eyes go wide as he caught sight of his first chicken and then smacked Zuma in the arm, to share his discovery. While they watched the chickens with fascination, Hugh joined them and chuckled at their interest. I looked up at Blake, to find him staring at me. I blinked and smiled, then pointed back to the boys, “We don’t have much exposure to animals outside of dogs in Los Angeles. And King loves animals.”

And the dimples made another appearance, as he said, “I know. I’m in LA enough. I also told your son that if it’s okay with you, he can check out some of the animals while y’all are here.”

I couldn’t nod fast enough. King having shown interest in something like this was enough for me to want to expose him to it a little more. And Zuma has never met an animal he didn’t like.

Blake gestured to the door, which I found standing open. “Ladies first. Especially a legend like yourself.”

Oh my gosh. Legend? Hardly. I shook my head, but walked through the front door.

As Blake followed me in, carrying Apollo, whom was chewing on… was that Blake’s fingers? I let the tears drip down my face this time. I couldn’t stop them. I knew who this man was from watching him mentor young singers, but watching him banter so easily with King and Zuma, then handle Apollo like a pro was more than this woman’s heart could take. I felt nothing but relief, gratitude, and for the first time in a very long time, safe.

Wiping the tears off my face, I followed behind Blake as he gave me a tour of his ‘guest house’. Looking around, I thought we could settle in very comfortable here while waiting on the bus to be fixed and maybe not upset Blake’s privacy too much. We had 4 bedrooms, a kitchen, a sunken living room area, complete with all the gaming things King and Zuma could ever want and my personal favorite, the back deck with a pool and a deck to watch the sun rise.

Blake looked over at me, while Apollo yanked on his right ear. “It’s pretty basic. But, it has all the bells and whistles, plus the privacy you will not find in town. I called one of my cousins and she’s bringing a playpen for Apollo to sleep in as well.”

I blinked. Where was I when he had done all of this? And how could I possibly thank him? If he only knew what my life held in the past…. I sighed heavily.

Blake stared at me intensely. “I can see you at war with yourself in that head of yours. Don’t. I’ve been there myself and in the not so distant past. The only difference is I didn’t have any kids. I get it. You take better care of you, then you’ll be in much better shape for everyone around you.” He pointed his head towards the boys on the front porch.

I nodded quickly. It was that or I was going to cry again, this time for finding someone that apparently understood what I was feeling without me having to much at all. I put my hand on his tan arm and murmured, “Thank you for this. And for helping us. This is beyond what we could have hoped for and I’m so very grateful.”

He smiled and began to turn red with embarrassment again. I wanted to giggle like a schoolgirl, but that wasn’t possible with the amount of drama on my plate. Instead I opened the screen door and told the boys to bring our bags in and went to take Apollo from Blake. This time he came straight to me with a toothy, slobbery grin. Smiling at his antics, I kissed his baby face and settled him on my hip. Turning, I found Blake watching us with a look of interest of his face.

“I’m apologize. I speak toddler and preteen these days. My conversation skills are a little rusty.” I stared at my feet, because I had no idea why I was apologizing to him.

Blake chuckled and walked forward to take a few of the bags from the boys. “Never apologize communicating with your kids. It’s priceless. How about we get y’all settled and then figure out some dinner plans? I’ve got pizza on the brain and I hate eating alone.”

More excitement from the bedrooms as King and Zuma claimed their space and stowed away their bags. I looked down at my beat up leggings and tee. Mom wear. I was definitely not wearing this to dinner. And looking at Apollo’s clothes, I grimaced. We could both use a change of clothes and maybe a shower.

I followed Blake back into the kitchen, where he pointed to a cordless phone and a list of numbers. He tapped to the top phone number. “This is my number if you need me before I come back to pick y’all up for dinner. Don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll be back in an hour or so and we’ll head into Tish for food.”

My eyes widened. We were going out for food? Sweet Jesus. The poor man had no clue what eating out with three children meant. 

He was heading for the door with a wave before I had a thought to warn him.

And as the screen door shut with a final smack, I jumped into action and took off with Apollo in my arms… actually looking forward to something for the first time in a very long time.

*******

Thirty minutes later found me a little less road weary and in a fresh set of clothes, complete with my favorite Vans. Apollo was sporting a stylish onesie, paired with shorts. And by the Grace of God, I’d managed to round up Zuma and King to change into something a little cleaner too. Hugh had came inside with the boys, kissed Apollo and I on our heads and said he was in need of a nap. He went lumbering off to his room. Watching him with wide eyes, I guess that answered my question if he was going to join us for dinner.

Chicken. I sighed. My inner voice was beginning to surface and I wasn’t certain that was an entirely good thing. The last time that happened… Well, that was years and years ago. 

I heard a yell from the yard and seeing that King and Zuma were no longer in the house with me, it wasn’t hard to deduce where the yell came from. I opened the screen door, Apollo on one hip and looked around, searching for my boys. And Sweet Baby Jesus, there they were, in clean clothes, chasing chickens around the yard. I smiled as I realized the chickens were winning and giving the boys an intense workout and introduction into farm life. I leaned against the porch rail to watch and Apollo nestled against me. 

This was the life. How could anyone want to leave this? My soul was feeling an infinity for the land as soon as we stepped out of the truck and I didn’t even realize it until now. I wondered if Blake would consider renting his guest house out for a few weeks after the last leg of my tour was over? The thought lingered on my mind as I heard a familiar truck pulling up.

Still leaning against the porch with Apollo, watching the chickens teach King and Zuma a lesson, I turned my head in the direction of Blake’s truck. I was hoping to maybe sneak a peek of him walking up to the house and I was kind of hidden at the moment. Sure enough, after the slam of a truck door, I watch the tallest man I’d ever met, with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, come strolling up the sidewalk like he owned it.

Shit. He did own it. I wanted to smack myself in the head. And I got caught staring, again, because he wasn’t just smiling at me. He had a full on grin, with dimples as he joined me on the porch. Without even asking, he plucked Apollo from my arms again and we both turned to watch King and Zuma.  
Blake whistled lightly, “They are getting their butts handed to them huh? Never trust a chicken, they come out on top every single time. They’ll be worn out tonight, guaranteed.”

I couldn’t help the laughter that came bubbling up. “Never trust a chicken? Is that an ancient proverb?”

He smiled down at me and raised an eyebrow. “Of course. It’s an old farmer’s proverb. I learned it before I was out of diapers.”

This man was funny and crazy and intense and… Oh no, he was staring at me again with a broader grin. I sighed, “I’m not even going to ask. I’m just going to assume you heard all that too?”

He nodded and chuckled. “Don’t worry about it Smalls. We’ll get some food in ya and the young ones, then we will see if we can figure out the rest of stuff out okay?”

Like everything else, my stomach took that moment to announce its presence with a loud growl. I rolled my eyes and looked at Blake. “You have a deal Mr. Blake Shelton.”

And as he carried Apollo to his truck, the boys and I followed behind him, like we’ve done this hundreds of times before. The boys were climbing in the back and I noticed something different. Was that a carseat? Where did Blake get a carseat with such short notice? And he already had Apollo buckled in safely. I stood there in shock.

Watching me, Blake approached slowly, then gently took my elbow and guided me to the passenger seat. “I told you my cousin had a playpen right? Well she has all kinds of stuff, so I just drove over there and borrowed some of it. I knew the seat would come in handy too.”

I met his eyes and I hoped he could see the gratitude in mine. I’ve been so lost, for so long that I didn’t know how to act or what to say to him without sounding like a moron. I had to try though, “Thank you. For everything. For helping us, taking care of us. I wish I could explain better what it means…”

He squeezed my hand lightly and nodded. “I told you. I get it. I meant everything. And no more thanks are necessary. I’m happy to help. In fact, if y’all hadn’t shown up, I would have just went fishing. Just another day in my paradise.”

With that, he closed the door of the truck. I glanced in the back at the boys and they were talking about the chickens still. And was that a feather sticking out of King’s dark hair? Zuma was talking a mile a minute, firing off questions to Blake, who answered patiently, with his lazy drawl.

I was content to listen and enjoy the down time that I was blessed with… because that’s what this was… Somehow our bus had broken down at the worst possible time, in the middle of nowhere, with no one around.

And I found a place where my soul was quiet, my boys were laughing, and a man intrigued me.

I still had huge obstacles to overcome, like the last leg of my tour, learning to live in California again, coparenting with someone that made me physically ill… but I didn’t have to do it right in this moment. I didn’t have to be her.

And that’s the moment I made a monumental decision.

While I’m here, I’m not her.

I’m me.

And I’m going to dinner with my boys, a funny man in a place called Tish. 

I glanced out my window and smiled when I realized the grass was a vibrant green.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake, Gwen, and the boys head to Tish for dinner.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters or anything in this story. This is a fictional story, purely from my overactive imagination.

I’m  
Not Her

By   
Rural Reader

Chapter 3

I don’t know how long it took us to drive to town, but I can tell you it was probably the best drive of my life. My boys were happily chattering in the back, sometimes firing off questions to Blake, which he took time to answer patiently and sometimes laugh with them. I could even hear Apollo, from the baby seat in the back, cooing soft baby sounds of contentment.

Was this the Oklahoma effect? The Blake effect? Because all of us were feeling the change and it was easy for me to see the rapid change in the disposition of my older children. I refused to let my mind travel down that path right now. This was a night for all of us, one that we desperately needed and I didn’t even realize it.

I guess I was so lost in myself that I really wasn’t paying close attention to my surroundings. It scares me to think how long I could have existed in that state too. Will I end up back there again? Unwelcome thoughts were beginning to surface again and I didn’t like it, but I didn’t know how to make them stop. I was so uncertain of everything - myself, my future. The only things I did know was that I loved my children and I would do ANYTHING for them. To do that, I needed to face facts - I couldn’t go back to that place I was just a couple hours ago, which was existing at best.

My kids deserve better than that and I deserved better than that. For me, it was going to take some work to get me there. I knew that and I acknowledged it. How did I let myself sink so low?

No Stefani. Stop it. This time is for us to begin healing, not to doubt it. With that, I turned in my seat to stare at Blake. I had so many questions for him and if I’m being honest, some of them were inappropriate. I’d have to save those for a time little ears weren’t around. I pulled rested my leg on my chin and asked him, “So tell me about this town, Tish, that we are eating in and well, tell me everything.”

Blake glanced at me from the driver’s seat with a small smile. “Everything huh? That might take more than one car ride.”

I rolled my eyes at him and snorted. Yes, snorted. Ladies, let me tell you, if you snort in front of a man and don’t even realize you’ve done it until after the fact, you are your instincts are comfortable. (Let this be a lesson to me in the future.) Blake’s eyes widened with hilarity as he asked, “Did you just snort? Gwen Stefani in my truck and she snorted. Just wow. I’m fangirling over here. Or is it fanboying. I never understood that damn term.”

Trust the man to make light of the situation, therefore making it easy for me to join in the banter. “I think it’s acceptable to say fangirling for both genders, but I don’t know. I do know I’m hungry, so please tell me all about your town in 50 words or less. Please.”

This time, he looked puzzled that I asked him to describe his town. Has no one ever asked him about his town before? Chewing on his lip, he uttered one word, “Small.”

That’s it. Small. My feet were small. My kids were small. Surely Tish was more than just small. I set about to poke him for more information. “Surely there is something about Tish besides small?”

This time he smiled. “Well sure, it’s home. I come back here whenever I can. It may be small, but I’m never bothered here. No one gives a crap who I am.”  
Okay, I was beginning to pick up what he meant. Not only was it home, but his privacy was respected and valued here as well. I understood what a precious commodity that was in today’s extreme environments, especially when you have children.

I nodded and replied, “I see. I wish I had somewhere like that to take my boys too. I bet this is absolute heaven for you when you escape LA.”

He looked at me with shock. I grinned huge. I’d surprised him. He didn’t think I knew exactly who he was, but I did. I just didn’t announce it like he did. I wanted to high five myself for shocking him, because not only was the expression on his face humorous, I also had the feeling he wasn’t surprised very often.

“Cat got your tongue there, Blake?” I winked at him as I asked. Shit! I winked? I had no more control over my body than my mouth it seemed. I was completely relaxed in this environment and it was like an alien had inhabited my body.

This is how you’re supposed to be… The thought filtered through my brain and I realized I missed what Blake said because of my rambling thoughts. I shrugged my shoulders and said, “I’m kinda deaf from the last concert, can you repeat that?”

He knew better. I watched his grin grow larger and I was waiting for him to call my bluff. To my surprise, he didn’t. He simply nodded, “I didn’t realize you watched the show or even knew I existed. I’m country.” 

Taking a hand off the wheel, he pointed at himself when he said the words ‘Country and all’. I laughed softly and decided to give in a little. “Are you kidding me? That show is one of my favorites! I love the music, mentoring, and seeing all the kids with such big dreams. I remember being a kid like that once. And besides, I watched that show my entire pregnancy with Apollo.”

I softened my voice when I mentioned my pregnancy with Apollo, because what should have been a joyous time in my life was a dark period. Without my family around me, I’m not sure I would have gotten through the other side unscathed. I sighed and glanced back at the boys, both were talking quietly to each other now. Blake met my eyes for a moment and winked again, this time so slowly, there was no missing it.

Were we in a winking war? He started it if we were. 

I leaned against the seat and closed my eyes, then let my thoughts run away from me for a few minutes. I needed to work on a plan for after the last show. It was approaching and to be honest, I didn’t have a clue what we were doing or where we were going. Up to this point, I showed up where my manager told me to and I was grateful he was there to guide me, but it was time for me to wake up.

The breakdown of the bus was more like a wake up call in so many ways. It’s sad that things had to go that far for me to see how far I’d really gone. I could see it in my kids. How bad was everything else? How bad was I really? And everyone else had been covering for me all this time? How much time had really passed?

I could feel myself getting worked up. Evidently Blake felt the tension from my side of the truck too, because he gently reached over and gently grabbed my hand and held it the rest of the way to town. He didn’t say anything to me or make it a big deal.

We rode that way all the way to town.

********

I understood what Blake meant by a small town. I’d performed in so many places over the years, we’ve stopped in a number of them. However, I wasn’t sure if Tish was a town or a village by my standards. What it was though, was everything I wanted right now. It was literally, small town America. Everywhere I looked, I was fascinated by something and I was going to have to make another list of questions for Blake to answer. And I was going to need more than just a day to tour this curious place. 

Have I mentioned how much I love culture? 

So finding a new place to explore was like mecca for my soul. 

I didn’t realize I’d been silent for a while and looking around like a kid in a candy store. My boys knew me, so they expected things like this out of me. They were happy to just look around too. Blake, on the other hand, was something else. He might know of me, but he didn’t know me as a person. So, he was watching me, watch everything else with a keen fascination I’ve never witnessed before.

“Are you okay over there Gwen?” Blake asked with mirth, barely disguised.

I nodded enthusiastically. “This is the cutest little town! I can’t wait to explore it!!” With that, Blake laughed and got out of the truck. 

We were here already? Shit. Everything all together…. That’s great! 

I grabbed my purse and started to open my door to get out and noticed it was already open for me. With an inward sigh, (I mean a girl can get used to things like this), I looked at the ground and my vans. No more than I could say jump, I was safely set on the ground, courtesy of a one-armed, grinning Blake that was also, once again holding Apollo over his shoulder.

How did the man move so fast? I barely had my seatbelt off and was picking up my purse and boom! I let my eyes roam over him from head to toe again, trying not to like what I saw as much as I did. Good Lord, he was tall! That’s how he moved so fast!! And also grinning at me, again.

I blew out a breath and looked him in the eye. “Did I do it again,saying what I’m thinking thing?” 

His deep laugh was contagious and my boys soon joined in, although I prayed they hadn’t heard my thoughts. It’s enough I’m a mess, they didn’t need to know I’m a hot mess. I rolled my eyes and laughed at myself and it was so freeing.

This entire moment was unreal… I was me. Free, in a small town...with nothing but my boys and the handsome man in front of me. Shit! I needed to stop paying attention to his physical features so much and focus on his personality, because everything I was learning, I loved. 

I closed my eyes at the word. The one word in the English language that scared me so much I swore I’d never use it again unless it pertained to my family and I just used it to describe a man’s personality. I felt a light, but strong hand on the middle of my back and Blake leaned down to whisper in my ear, “You okay now? Ready to eat?”

Bless this man for reading body language or knowing a woman’s intuition or whatever it was that allowed him to know I wasn’t on my game. I nodded up at him and let him guide the boys and I into a small, but homey looking pizza parlor. 

Blake guided us to a table with 6 chairs and asked a server to move a couple of chairs and if they could bring us a high chair. King sat down beside Blake, who was standing behind his chair while he waited on the high chair. Zuma sat across from King, which left me sitting across from Blake and we’d put Apollo at the end of the table between us. 

A girl that looked to be a young teenager smiled as she brought over a high chair for Apollo. I thanked her as I moved to put Apollo in, but Blake was already in motion. I watched him for a second, but then I caught King’s eyes as his followed the young, teenage girl from the room. What was this I was seeing? King had never shown any minute crushes on a girl, that I knew of anyway. I grinned inwardly.

I turned back to the high chair to find Apollo buckled in like a pro and banging his little hands on the tray. He grinned as drool ran down his cheek. I smiled as I pulled baby items out of my huge, black Chanel purse. 

“Holy Crap.” A voice across from me said. I looked up and Blake was beat red. “I meant, that’s a baby bag and a purse?” 

Laughing, I nodded. Putting a bib on Apollo, I wiped down his tray with a wipe and washed his hands with another. Then, I put out a few of his favorite snacks to munch on. After I got him settled, I turned to King and Zuma to see what they wanted to eat. While I tried to follow a vegetarian diet, I indulged my kids. Upon seeing them with drinks and talking to Blake about fishing again, it seems I missed my timing.

I wasn’t certain what to think about this. When was the last time someone outside my family, helped me with anything? Sure, I had nannies. Right now, it’s just me and my children. I couldn’t trust anyone outside those I consider family close to me or my boys. 

And now look at me. Just look. My taste in men is horrible at best. I don’t exactly have a wide array to choose from either. I’m in my 40s and I’ve had 2 boyfriends in my life. I’m not sure I should say my taste in men is horrible or my taste in one man and blame the other on my age. I thought about Hugh and it settled my nerves. He would not have even left us alone if he didn’t trust the man in front of us.

I already knew all of this. 

Now to get down with the ordering of pizza, that’s serious business.

******

A while later, I had no way of telling time since my phone was next to useless here, we had devoured salad, pizzas, and breadsticks. Apollo had been bed and was slumbering over Blake’s shoulder again. He started to nod off in his high chair and I was going to take him out, when Blake waved me off gently, “I’ll get him, you eat.”

So I did something I didn’t normally do. I let myself enjoy my meal and the company. I took my time eating and even indulged a little. I watched King and Zuma eat their pizza with the same excitement they did chasing chickens. Yes, they would sleep well tonight.

I was starting to stack our plates and clean up our table when I heard a voice behind us address Blake, “Son, aren’t you going to introduce me to your guests?”

I blinked, uncertain if he was expecting anyone or if we should even be here. How did I handle this? I looked up at Blake, watching his face and he had a welcoming grin as he slowly stood up with Apollo in his arms, “Come here Mom.”

Blake pointed at the boys and Apollo, then me. “This is Apollo, Kingston, and Zuma. And the tiny lady in front of you is Gwen Stefani, I’m sure you recognize her from the day’s Endy had her poster up on her wall in her room.”

Endy? And Mom? Did we crash a family reunion? But, I wasn’t panicking. I was curious more than anything else. I wanted to know everything about this man in front of me. I stood up and gave my hand to the beautiful, older woman in front of me and introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Gwen. And he’s right, those are my children. Your son has been our saving grace today and has offered us his guest house while the tour bus is getting fixed.”

The woman clasped my hand lightly then pulled me in for a tight hug, one that I wasn’t expecting, but I was pleasantly surprised when, “Oh!” tumbled out of my mouth and giggled. She released me after a long moment and looked me up and down with a critical eye that I bet didn’t miss a thing, “Well now, I’m Dorothy. Call me Dot. And welcome. We’re huggers around here. Didn’t that one tell you? Of course he didn’t!” She mumbled under her breath fondly. I was gathering she was talking about Blake, but things were happening rather fast at the moment, so I couldn’t be sure. The next thing I knew, she was hugging Zuma and King with the same enthusiasm that she hugged me and announced that we were invited to dinner tomorrow night and she refused to take no for an answer.

I smiled at her warmth. My boys stared at her oddly, trying not to grin. And Blake just stared at the ceiling as his mother took control of the room. 

And as fast as she had arrived, she was gone. 

That was different… but real. And the man in front of me was studying me closely. I gave him my best glare, to see if it intimidated him. He laughed. “Nice try Tinkerbell. It’s not going to get you out of dinner. Believe me, I’ve tried over the years.”

He somehow managed to get us all loaded up and the bill paid. I started to protest and he just looked at me and winked. He clicked my seatbelt into place and said, “Save your protesting for when you’re really going to need it.”

And with that, he drove us back to the ranch.

I went over the day’s events in my head on the drive and came up with one thought.

Why did he have to make me like him more?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake, Gwen, and boys explore the ranch.

Disclaimer: I still don’t own the character. This is still a fictional story, set in an A/U. And I’m not making any money from my overactive imagination. 

I’m

Not Her

By 

Rural Reader

Chapter 4

I stood on the back deck of the borrowed guest house and watched my first, Oklahoma sunrise. I have to tell you it is one of the most beautiful and peaceful things I’ve witnessed in a long, long time. Too long.

While Apollo was still sleeping, I slowly worked through some light yoga moves on the deck, under that glorious sun. I normally practice a much heavier exercise routine, but lately, I’ve been too tired and drained.

This morning I was feeling a bit brighter, with a renewed sense of purpose of getting my life in order and myself back to where I needed to be mentally and healthily. I wanted to see the light shine in my kids eyes again, all the time… not just while visiting a ranch. There was a lot of work to be done and it was going to take time. One thing I never shied away from hard work and my family and my own health was going to take number one priority over everything else.

I just needed to figure out a way to find and focus enough energy to get through the rest of this tour and the real work could start. Is it strange that I was excited about getting started, now that I was seeing a bit clearer? And is it strange that it took a broken down bus and kindness from a stranger (kind of) to see these things?

I’d spend time thinking about those things eventually, but today I wanted to focus on my children and really giving them a day about the ranch. Blake had mentioned something about showing us around and I wanted to share this experience with them. It was rare for a musician to get a day off, but a day off on a ranch? This was a lifetime experience for some and we were taking advantage of the situation.

Blake was supposed to be here sometime after breakfast, to pick us up and for a friend of his to give Hugh a ride to town to check on the progress of the bus. Checking the time, I headed inside to get cleaned up and dressed for the day before the boys woke up. 

Apollo was a late sleeper for a baby. Sometimes it would be almost 8 in the morning before he was up and ready to eat. King was usually up by 9 and Zuma would sleep until noon if I let him. I didn’t have any time to grocery shop yesterday, even though Blake assured me there were “staples in the kitchen”, whatever that meant. So, breakfast for the big boys was going to be from the cereal I saw on the cabinet and Apollo had milk and baby food to keep him satisfied.

I got dressed for the day in another run of the mill outfit. I don’t think anyone would recognize me based on my clothing alone. I was wearing leggings and a tee, with vans. It was my go to gear for my mom days. I pulled by shoulder length hair in a sloppy bun and left my face make-up free, like I’ve had a habit of doing on days I knew it would be just me and the boys. Since Blake had already seen me without my game face, I didn’t care.

I woke up King and Zuma first, getting them set up at the breakfast nook with cereal, milk, and juice. For still being sleepy, they were quite chipper. I ruffled both of their heads. “Did you guys sleep well?” I asked. Two heads nodded in unison as they continued to shovel the cereal in their mouths. I smiled as I left them to eating and went to wake up my mini-monster.

As I was heading back towards the room I considered mine, a light knock on the door announced Blake’s arrive...because there was no one else I was expecting. At that thought, I started to second guess myself and I absolutely hate it when I do that. Then, I become nervous and it often wrecks my entire morning. It’s another good way I use to describe the different sides of me to those closest like family: I’m Gwen, the mom, Gwen, the rocker, and Gwen, the individual. I haven’t found a person yet that complete understands when I try to explain how I separate my jobs or see myself. And they all come together to form her when they function properly… but that hasn’t happened in an extremely long time.

I sighed lightly, praying it was Blake because I honestly don’t think I could handle anyone else except Hugh. I moved the small curtain and saw the shadow of a mountain of a man that could only belong to one soul. Grinning, I opened the door and started to motion him in when I noticed what he was holding and petting. “Umm, is that a live chicken that you’re cradling there?”

His lips twitched, and he nodded. “I thought the boys might appreciate a chance to pet a hen up close without getting their hands pecked off.”

And my heart turned over.

What a damn shame this man didn’t have any children, because he was proving to be so good with mine. 

I laughed as I opened the door wider and the boys were already behind me, hands out. Then the questions started. I leaned against the breakfast nook and watched all 3 of them for a couple minutes, absolutely loving King and Zuma’s curiosity over nature and animals. 

Evidently I was lost in thought again, because I missed Blake asking me a question until Zuma was tugging on the bottom of my shirt. I looked down at him. “I’m sorry. What did I miss?”

Blake gave me worried stare and I stared right back at him with a look that I thought said, All good here, Sparky ...but given my track record at facial expressions and this man, who knows?

But, he nodded and tilted his hand for me to join the group. “I thought you might like to pet Gertie before I release her to join her sisters.”  
He said that with a straight face.

I laughed until I snorted, startling Blake and the chicken both to the point that Blake lost his grip on the chicken and Gertie helped herself and came inside the house.

I’m going to be honest. I’ve only really had fish or dogs as pets at this point in my life and the occasional parrot. But after this fiasco, I’m not certain I want a chicken after I witnessed the havoc they can wreck to a kitchen. Gertie, scared, knocked the boys empty bowls on the floor, then pooped on the counter before heading over to where the jars of flour and sugar were kept.

I had a bad feeling as I watched horror unfold before my eyes. And I’m not just talking about Gertie wrecking the guest house kitchen, but Blake joined for forray, attempting to catch her. My boys stood beside me, highly entertained. I don’t know what I was… maybe feeling a little guilty about startling them? Maybe enjoy this tall man chasing a chicken? 

And then I picked up some of Blake’s verbal tirades and lost it. “Gertie, you little heifer!! Come here!! I swear if you don’t get back here, you’re going to be the next winner, winner, chicken dinner!! And it’ll be fried chicken!”

Sweet Baby Jesus

I was bent over laughing, tears running down my face at the hilarity of the situation. I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed anything so comical before. And I heard another crash, I looked up to see the chicken had run itself into the refrigerator and Blake swept Gertie up in his arms, as gently has he was holding her before.

They both looked like they had been to war.

I told him I could check out one of Gertie’s siblings later and he went to change clothes.

While he was gone, the boys and I set about cleaning the kitchen up and then I had another baby boy to wake.

********

I surveyed the vehicle in front of us. At least, Blake called it an All Terrain Vehicle. I wasn’t so sure it was all of anything. It looked like a dead dune buggy that should have been retired a long time ago. But, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I asked about seatbelts for the kids before anything else.

He grinned like I had a hidden agenda. For the record, I’d never do such a thing.

It turns out, this ATV (I’m told this is a farming thing) is not old at all. In fact, it’s next season’s model. I coughed when Blake informed me of that fact and I couldn’t hide my thoughts anymore, “Why is it so ugly?”

Evidently that question was funny, but I was quite serious. Who would want to drive such a hideous ugly vehicle around if you have a choice? After he laughed at me for a solid 3 minutes, “Gwen, it’s meant for farming. It’s functional, not pretty.”

Dammit. He had a point. I kept forgetting this was a working ranch. It was easy to do, especially surrounded by some of the more luxury items in life that his home sported.

I sighed and said, “Ok. Teach me how to drive this thing. It’s been a while, but I can drive a manual.”

His looked shocked as he stared down at his boots. What was this? Was this him being bashful? I watched as he put his hands in his pockets and bit his lip. We stood in silence for almost a minute before he finally broke it. “I’ll make ya a deal.”

A deal? To drive a manual? This was turning into a weird day. I nodded to him, “Go on, I’m listening.”

Blake crossed his ankles as he leaned against the ATV. “Anytime you are here on the ranch with me, I’ll drive. And if I’m ever in LA with you, then you can drive. Please let a man have some pride on his farm.”

Oh. Well why didn’t he just say he wanted to drive? I thought we each had one. But, if he wants a deal, I could certainly do that because now I have a reason to approach him about renting the guest house for a while after the tour is finished.

I tilted my head to the side, like I was giving his words great consideration and put my hand out to shake on our deal. Like at the restaurant with his mom last night, he gently pulled my hand towards me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug that lifted me about a foot off the ground. Laughing, he mumbled against my hair, “Didn’t my mama tell you we were huggers, not shakers last night? If you’re gonna make a deal, you better get used to it.”

He set me down gently and I’ll admit, up to now, it’s the best and biggest hug I’ve ever had, except from my kids.

********

It took 20 minutes to get all of us loaded in the ATV. Blake had bought 4 bags of brand new clothing with him when he returned and it turned out to be jeans, boots, and shirts for all of us and even some baby cowboy wear for Apollo. I was confused as to how he guessed our sizes, so I asked him. He smiled, “I asked the boys to check their shirts at the restaurant and I held Apollo a few times, so I just checked out what size he was wearing. As for you, that’s just one of the reasons my mama showed up last night. She’s good at guessing sizes.”

And damn if he wasn’t right too. We were all decked out in boots, jeans, and short sleeves, with a light jacket. Blake explained that wearing appropriate clothing on the ranch was vital because you never knew what you would encounter, from snakes to ticks. King and Zuma were all ears for the lesson and enthusiastic about their new clothes.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how incredibly rare this man was. How was he just strolling around a farm or LA without someone attached to his arm or a string of babies and a wife waiting at home? I couldn’t fathom having someone like this in my life. If only my ex-husband had a clue. 

That didn’t happen and I’m in a better place for it. After years of shit, I’m done taking it. That was one of my huge realizations while watching Blake chase the chicken. Amazing what a little chicken poop and an interesting man can do for your thought process.

So, we were now loaded in the ATV. King and Zuma were in the backseat, their safety harnesses on. They were bubbling with excitement. Apollo and I were in the front with Blake. I had Apollo strapped to my chest in his sling. Lunch, courtesy of I don’t know who, was even loaded in the very back. We were really ready for a full day in nature. And I wasn’t bubbling with excitement like the boys, but I was extremely curious about this place, the owner, and everything about it. 

My soul was happy here and I wanted to know why. I’m not one of those people that think I’m going to get an answer, but more clarity. Is this a passing fascination with a working ranch and my body needing a break or is it this place? That’s one of the questions I’d like a little more information on. It will help me immensely when I go to make our final plans after the last show.

Blake was driving down something he called a hunting trail and he stopped for a moment and pointed to something in the field. I looked to where he was pointing and so did the boys. “See guys, those are elk. That’s a smaller group The larger group stays to the North side”

The boys were gaping. Hell, I was gaping. They were content to let us stare and continue eating. Have I even seen elk in the wild? I had no idea. I know the zoo had one, but it certainly wasn’t that size!!

Blake laughed at the shock on our faces and continued driving. We turned off another road, I was guessing another hunting trail, but I was afraid to ask. Everything out here kind of looked the same to me. Lots of trees and grass, water. I’d be lost in a hot minute. 

I felt the ATV slowing to a crawl and then stop. Blake whispered to all of us, “We’re gonna want to be quiet because I don’t like to disturb these guys when they have babies.”

Holy shit. Was it a bear?

I heard Blake choke back a laugh. I tried to glare at him over Apollo’s head, but his blue eyes just twinkled back at me. And I’m just going to stop talking to myself when around this man, because he has to be telepathic!! There’s no way I said that aloud!!

He didn’t hold back his laugh this time. “You’re a mess Stefani. Not only do you talk to yourself, LOUDLY, you also believe in telepaths?”

Just beam me up, somebody. Scottie, ET, George Jetson… I don’t care. This man thought I was a mess? He turned my thoughts all around on me, confused me, and now I’m a jumbled, chaotic…. Nevermind.  
Oh my Lord, Jesus…. Was that a buffalo? More than one? And a sweet baby with her? I started to take off my safety harness to get closer and Blake stopped me and shook his head, “I don’t bother the herd. And I especially don’t bother them when they have a calf.”

Oh. I couldn’t help it, I was disappointed. I couldn’t hide it, although I tried. The boys didn’t care. They were ready to move on to the next thing. Blake looked at me thoughtfully and said, “I think you’ll like the next visit a lot.”

He put the ATV in gear and we were off once again until we pulled up outside a huge, long barn. Watching Blake hop out of the vehicle, the boys followed suit, and while I was slower since I had a baby strapped to me, I attempted to do the same. I smiled my thanks when Blake gave me a hand up.

I looked around at the beautiful scenery and noticed the fields had fresh cut hay in them. I was starting to get excited again, but I didn’t want to get false hopes. Blake led the way and I brought up the rear of our group. He flipped a couple switches on and at least 30 stalls were built, about half of them full of horses of different breeds.

I was so excited, I wanted to cry. I love horses. I’ve always wanted one, but living in the city, with my schedule I just never had the time. My eyes tried to take in every single thing at once. This was a memory I was going to treasure forever. King and Zuma were standing at a stall with Blake when I joined them. He was teaching them how to properly pet the horse and then let them feed it a sugar cube from their hands. They both laughed as the horse’s mouth tickled their palm when stealing the treat from them.

I realized I could watch this over and over again. The sweet laughter from my kids was harmony to my soul. I could see their innocence still here, where I felt like they were being forced to grow up faster in LA. Another problem I would need to address eventually, but I could definitely see the difference in them here and I loved it.

I was beginning to owe one Mr. Blake Shelton a lot. Or rather, just Blake as he keeps insisting to my boys after they called him ‘Mr. Shelton’ for the third time that morning. They had great manners, because even after he said that, they looked to me for confirmation and I nodded with laughter in my eyes.

I was once again beckoned closer to the animal that was at the center of attention. She was an Arabian mare and she was glorious. I have a little experience with horses, so I was comfortable patting her, letting her nuzzle my face, and feeding her another sugar cube. I looked above her stall to see her name and chuckled when I did, “Blanche?”

And just like that, Blake turned bright red with embarrassment over a simple question. I was confused, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad, so I put my hand on his arm and patted it, “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.”

He sighed heavily and stared at the ceiling, something I was learning to do when he wanted to avoid a topic or situation. (It’s amazing on how quick you can learn to read the body language of someone that intrigues you.) “Nah, it’s not that. It’s just embarrassing. Oh hell, she’s named after one of the Golden Girls because I love that show.”

I loved having all this personal knowledge about him, no matter that it wasn’t huge. I was getting to know him better as a person and what I was learning kept me wanting to learn more. I needed a good support system and if he was LA sometimes, I could be there for him too.

But he shared information with me, so I wanted to give back, even if the only uncomfortable information I had to share was about a failed marriage and my lacking to make my husband happy. Instead, I told him what I thought of the name and I was honest. “I think that’s a good name for a horse. It’s strong and I bet there aren’t many Blanche’s out there running around in the fields.”

He looked at me, trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic and when he saw I was serious, he picked up me and Apollo for a side hug. “What the hell did I do before your bus broke down Gwen? I can’t imagine not knowing y’all. It’s like I’ve known you forever.”

I closed my eyes. Because he just confirmed one of the things I was looking for an answer to. My soul is at peace here. Is it just the ranch, Blake, or both. I can honestly answer that I haven’t felt this safe in so long, probably since I was a little girl, living under my parents roof. And I could understand why Hugh didn’t have any reservations about leaving us with him. 

But, I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone in this world. I’ve been through enough shit and if I remembered his comments correctly yesterday, he said he’d recently been through something similar. I’d never wish that type of pain on any person. I gave him a side hug and murmured to him softly, “I couldn’t imagine not knowing your either, it’s crazy. Such a short time, but I agree, I feel like we’ve known each other years too.”

We both smiled at one another and followed behind the boys as they went from stall to stall to look at the horses. Apollo had fallen asleep against the gentle sway of my body.

As we followed a half barn distance back, Blake caught my pinkie finger and hung on.

And I let him.

Because I’m pretty certain he’s part of me finding all of her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake, Gwen & Boys get ready for dinner with the family.

Chapter 5

We’d just finished up eating lunch near a huge lake on Blake’s property. Once again, I was awed at the beauty at the nature around me. The boys tucked into their meals with a voracious appetite that surprised me. It seems our active morning had paid off, because they were hungry.

I just finished feeding Apollo and Blake was holding him while I ate a cucumber sandwich. Who knew such simple cuisine was so appetizing? I mean, I did know it, but I think I had forgotten that fact somewhere along the way and it was a sad realization, along with so many things I was discovering.

Welcome to the land of the living once again Gwen Stefani, you’ve missed a lot.

Watching Blake with Apollo, I realized I missed out on way more than I thought. The last few years of my life, I’d been living a lie in my marriage, unwilling to face the facts that were unfolding before my very eyes. And when forced to face the nasty truth, I salvaged what was left of my dignity, took my children and left on a grueling tour of the United States. We’d been in stasis for months and it was time for that to change.

No time like the present.

The boys were chasing each other in the field in front of us, far enough I felt comfortable talking to Blake where their little ears wouldn’t hear too much. I just wasn’t certain how to approach the topic at hand, except to just ask. I wasn’t normally such a forthright person. I preferred to be a little more reserved and observe, but in this situation, things were different. 

I blinked up at Blake, the sun was in my face, but somehow I wasn’t surprised to find him watching me with interest. I blushed, embarrassed to be caught staring again. Geez, I was a mess. I nibbled on my lip, then sighed, “I wanted to ask you a question, away from the boys.”

He looked surprised. I didn’t know if this was a good thing or not. For all I know about men could be written on the palm of my hand…. Is silence good? Was he waiting for me to go ahead and talk? I needed a ‘Dummies Guide to Tall, Intriguing Guys’, to help me talk to Blake better, because I felt like an absolute moron.

Rubbing the back of my neck, another nervous habit I seemed to have developed, I asked, “I was wondering, if after this last leg of my tour was complete, if you would consider leasing your guest house to the boys and I for a few weeks?”

A slow smile began to curl across Blake’s face until his dimples were popping again. His grin was contagious, because I found myself smiling like a dork, right back at him. Blake nodded, “Y’all are welcome here anytime. I was going to invite ya back, you just beat me to it Shortstuff.” 

I snorted and rolled my eyes. Leave it to this man to break the tension with another crazy nickname. Smalls, Tinkerbell, and Shortstuff. I needed to make a list. I was beginning to anticipate what he was going to call me next. And…. oh no. I stopped at that thought.

Completely and utter halt of all systems. I waited for the panic of my flight or fight response to kick in. Nothing came, except for a sigh of relief that I had a plan for after tour. 

I knew then I was in deeper trouble than I thought with the man that was currently holding my baby and there was no stopping it for me than the sun rising. I was hooked, sure enough.

However, hooked and scared are two completely different emotions. I was frightened enough of my emotions to run for the hills… Beverly Hills. I was far from healed from my past and I had zero business even thinking about a man until I could close the door on that pain.

Right?

I’m so confused. I looked at him again, swaying gently with Apollo and singing some country ballad to him softly.

My heart turned over for the second time that day.

I was in so much trouble

********

Several hours later, we were heading back to the guest house with 3 extremely tired boys. We had a full afternoon packed with goats, ducks, pigs, cows, cats, and a few animals I knew weren’t native to the United States. With each exposure, the boys fell a little deeper into the ranch life. In fact, after visiting the ducks, King asked me, “Mom, do you think while you are at the next show or two, I could stay here and go fishing with Blake?”

I was so shocked that I would have fallen out of the ATV if the safety harness wasn’t holding me in place. Blake laughed at his question and answered, without putting any stress on me. “How about we help your mom finish the tour and maybe everyone can come back and go fishing together?”

Both King and Zuma’s eyes lit up with excitement. I smiled, knowing that I wasn’t going to have to sell them on the idea of a few weeks in the privacy of Oklahoma for some serious down time. A series of whoops sounded from the back of the ATV, as Blake steered us down another hunting path, that I was guessing would lead to the guest house. Apollo nestled down into his sling against me, sucking on his thumb. I brushed his thick, brown curls off his forehead and thanked God for blessing me with his little life. Even through the dark, we can find some light in the most unexpected places.

It wasn’t long before we pulled up in front of the house and we were all tired. Even Blake looked a little rougher around the edges than the cleaned up guy I’d grown used to in such a short time. Of course, a day full of farm animals and kids will take the stuffing out of anyone. Trust me, I know. (Not about the farm animals, but the zoo has the same effect on me.)

And then I remembered we still had dinner with Blake’s mother, Dorothy tonight and I looked and smelled like a hog barn...or was it the horse barn? I guess at this point it didn’t really matter. All of us needed a shower and clean clothes before we could even think about joining Blake’s family for a meal. I refused to show up looking like I did. I might be in mom mode, but I could pull together an outfit from anything - I’d been doing it for years.

Clearing my voice, I inquired about dinner. “What time is dinner and are you picking us up or is Hugh driving us?” The look on Blake’s face said he had forgotten too and remembering his words from the previous night, I was guessing this wasn’t something he cancelled on. He sighed, “She’ll haul the entire family out here if we don’t show up and then we’ll never get rid of them. I’ll pick y’all up in a couple hours okay?”  
The entire family? Just how many of them were there? And were they all similar to his mom and Blake? If so, I could see myself comfortable here during our down time. It’s rare to find a place like this that you can coexist with the locals and they value your privacy just as they do their own. What did Blake call it? Protecting their own.

I loved that thought so much. I wish I had somewhere safe like that for my boys and myself. It became another goal on my working list of thoughts, seeking a place we can escape to when we needed a minute from the world at large.

Blake left and we found Hugh in the kitchen, eating a large sandwich and drinking a glass of milk. He smiled at me fondly when I greeted him with a hug. “How did things in town go this morning?” I asked him.

He sighed. When Hugh sighs, it’s never a good thing. “The good news is that the bus is fixable. The bad news is that it will not be road worthy for several weeks because more than just the tires need to be fixed before we can safely travel any sort of distance.”

And this hits kept on coming...or was this an opportunity? I wasn’t certain.

I nodded in understanding. “So are we going to rent another bus or do you have any thoughts? We have 2 days until we need to be at the venue, correct?” Hugh took another bite of his sandwich and held up a finger, telling me to wait while he chewed up his food. “I’ve already talked to Blake about it and he has a great plan that I think has merit. In fact, since you and the boys are returning here following the last show, it makes perfect sense if you ask me.”

When did he have time to talk to Blake? And where was I? Lost in my thoughts again, probably. I’d come back to that later. As long as I arrived on time, how I got there wasn’t going to be my focus right now. I had 3 kids and myself to get ready for a dinner that I was more than a little nervous about.

********

The sun was just setting and I heard another knock on the door that I was beginning to recognize as Blake’s. Wiping my damp palms on my shorts, I walked to the door, but the boys beat me to it. Throwing it open, he was attacked by two children I wouldn’t have recognized if they weren’t my own. However, it was their behavior that once again shocked me. I steadied myself against the kitchen nook and watched as he enveloped both boys in a huge hug, then pick them both up at the same time. A string of boy laughter followed as he carried them into the house and plopped them down on the couch with a wide grin and even worse, the man hadn’t even broken a sweat. If I tried to do that, I would have been moaning and groaning, then limping. He laughed at something King whispered to him, Lord only knows what. “Well, I haven’t had such a welcome like that in forever! That was awesome you two!”

Their boyish giggles were music to my ears and I wanted to hear them forever.

The boys went to play in on the gaming system until Apollo woke up and it was time to go. 

Blake straightened up to his full height and let me tell you, it was impressive. (His height.) I let my eyes do a full head to toe sweep of the man in front of me. The man that was slowly, but surely disarming every single notion I had about the opposite sex. Sex…. not now Stefani. I shut that thought out as quickly as it fluttered through my brain, because that’s what the man in front of me looked like… Blake ‘Sexy ass’ Shelton’. He was wearing a button down shirt, left untucked, but it worked for him. The material matched his eyes, the purest blue...a girl could just fall into them. He was wearing a different brand of jeans from earlier today, but without closer inspection I couldn’t tell what brand they were. And those jeans were tucked into shiny, western boots. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I could feel the drool gathering at the corners of my mouth, if I didn’t get a hold of myself soon, I was going to more than embarrass myself. The man was the definition of sex on a stick… Did all country guys look like this? Because Lord, no wonder country girls went crazy when someone messed with their men. I might go bat shit crazy too if my man looked something like this and another woman was messing with him in a serious way.

I felt a blush sweep up my body as I felt the intense heat of his eyes, checking me out just as I did him. He wasn’t shy about it either. He started at my feet and slowly worked up, absorbing my entire outfit with…. I didn’t know how to read his look. Was he disappointed? Was it too much? Enough? It was killing me to stand in one place and not fidget, another nervous habit I picked up through the years. Finally, his eyes met mine and what I saw there almost stopped my heart.

I never thought to experience it ever again… but his eyes were like an open book to his soul. And he left everything there for me to read and despite my inexperience, I could see it easily.  
Desire, want, need…. And something much deeper, affection. His lips curled into an easy smile and I guessed that he was satisfied with what I was wearing.

His brow rose, “Satisfied? Well now, I wasn’t going to say that.”

Dear God, swallow me and my dirty thoughts now. I cannot think around this man when he looks like that and acts like…..well, that. 

He chuckled and walked closer to me, then enveloped me into an easy hug. I wasn’t expecting it, but my arms closed around his neck like it was the most natural thing in the world. I took a second and just held on tight. This is what safety felt like.

And at the end of the day, I wanted to be safe. I wanted to be loved. I wanted the same things for my boys. 

Another simple hug from Blake had given me the two goals I wanted to accomplish the most and I was astounded again how this man was walking around alone. He was so incredibly rare. And now that I found out he existed, was it wrong that I wanted to protect him and find out what had happened to him?

The thought of a woman hurting the man before me made me incredibly sad. I had no understanding of the vile things that some humans did to each other, thanks to the strict upbringing of my parents. But I knew if you found something worth keeping or someone worth fighting for, then that is what you were supposed to do against all odds. Unsurprisingly, my relationships, (all 2 of them), never understood this.

I didn’t have a lot to give a person right now. But, I could be a great friend, one that was loyal and trustworthy, if he wanted one. How do you ask someone to be your friend? Was that even a thing? I’m so clueless.

Blake continued to watch me with humor. He released me from the second best hug ever, but didn’t step back. He stared down into my eyes, “You’ve got a lot going on in that brain right now don’t you?”

If he only knew how much.

I nodded, staring up into his beautiful blue eyes. I rested my hands on his broad shoulders, “Have I said thank you for everything today?” I was backed into the counter, with Blake’s legs on either side of mine. He chuckled, “Struggling for conversation or are you on overload Gwen?”

I sighed and leaned my head against his chest, just for a moment and closed my eyes. Heaven on Earth, right here.

“I’m okay.” I muttered into his shirt. “I just had a few realizations that were rather large and I feel kind of stupid for not realizing things before, but in some ways that would have been impossible.”

“Impossible huh?” His chin rested on top of my head. How did we go from strangers to this in such a short time? It blew my mind...but I was so comfortable and at home, I didn’t second guess myself.

How to explain this to him without sounding like an idiot? What was that phrase that country people used to explain, getting it over with like a man? Cowboy up? Well, I was just going to Cowgirl Up and go for it. I groaned… that sounded sexual in my head. No wonder I’m a mess.

Keeping my eyes firmly closed, I sighed heavily and said, “Bear with me while I try to explain this and make an utter fool of myself. When I’m with you, I feel safe. It’s something I haven’t felt in a long, long time. I feel extremely happy. This place makes me happy. It makes my kids happy. You are making my kids happier than they have been in a long time. I’m just saying thank you for that and I’m grateful. I’d love to have you for a friend, if you would have me. I promise that I’m not always a hot mess or disaster and I’m loyal…” 

Blake stopped my monologue by tilting my chin up and putting one finger over my lips. His eyes were far more serious than I’ve seen yet. He stared down at me for what felt like forever, searching my face… for what I don’t know. I was so nervous, I could feel my knees beginning to shake. Then, he slowly leaned down and rubbed his nose slowly along mine, up and down. He kissed my forehead, one, two, three times. He drew in a deep breath and released it, but stayed close to me. 

He smiled at me gently. “You could never make a fool out of yourself, so put that out of your head for good. And I don’t think you are a hot mess or whatever you were talking about there. Hot, yes. Mess, no. And Gwen, if I can give you and your boys a sense of safety, I’m damned glad to do it.” He leaned down again, to stare closer into my eyes. I felt like I was swimming in an ocean of blue water. “And I’d be honored to have you for a friend or anything else, more than honored.” 

Jesus.

I wasn’t going to survive dinner and we hadn’t even left the house yet.

I was falling, fast and hard. 

I found safety in the last place I expected it and a chance to give my kids the same.

I’d be stupid to say I wasn’t scared to travel down the path in front of me, but I knew I wasn’t doing it alone.

Not anymore.

I was going to walk down this path with my friend Blake.

I hugged him again and thanked God for sending him to save me.

I’m not her...not anymore. 

But, I’m going to find her with the help of this man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake, Gwen and boys head out to have dinner with his family.

Disclaimer: I still don’t own a thing, like the characters. This is a fictional story, purely from my overactive imagination. Also set in an A/U in aspects.

I’m Not Her

By 

Rural Reader

Chapter 6

You might ask what to wear to dinner to meet your new friend’s family for the first time? At some point in my life, I would have had an acceptable answer, if we were in California. However, since we were on a ranch in Oklahoma, I decided to mix and match my clothing, bring the cultural climate of Oklahoma and California together the best way I could with what I had with me.

In the real world, I’m known for my fashion style. It’s something I haven’t really embraced since I’ve had Apollo, because that means facing so many things I wasn’t ready to face, a post baby body and an aging one at that. However, I pulled it together earlier and my room looked something like a disaster zone, but I felt absolutely proud of my attire.

I was wearing cutoff denim shorts that were all the style in California, but they also had little rhinestones on the pockets. I matched it with a plain black camisole that hugged my slim figure…. And when did that happen? I pulled on King’s western shirt he wore earlier today (after giving it a good washing) over the cami and tied it in a knot at my waist. My legs sporting my signature fishnets and a pair of brown moccasin boots completed my look. I only had my crucifix around my neck and a simple pair of diamond studs in my ears. My hair was swept back from my face in a simple braid that I tied off with a borrowed piece of leather. With a little lip gloss and mascara, I was ready to go.

I wasn’t fancy, but I also hoped I didn’t embarrass Blake in front of his family either. Fashion is a huge part of the person I am, when I’m running at full speed and I couldn’t help but feel a little proud of this particular ensemble.

And given his reaction in the kitchen, I no longer had any doubts. Blake seemed to approve of my chosen outfit and support it as well. So, maybe I wouldn’t embarrass all of us by my fashion tastes while in God’s Country.

Blake joined Zuma and King on the gaming system while I went to get Apollo up and moving. He’s a bear when woken up, usually. Since we’ve been in a more calm, sedate environment, he’s been less cranky and more observing his surroundings. I changed his clothes and diaper while he was still sleeping. Wearing a shirt that shouted, ‘Lil Dude’ to the world and a pair of baby Carharts and matching cowboy boots, he was too cute for words. I couldn’t help but snap a picture of him with my phone to keep for the future.

I picked him up and he settled into my shoulder with a sigh. I laughed softly because this was one kid that could truly sleep through anything. Heading back to the living room, I found the rest of the Testosterone gang waiting on me impatiently. I gave all 3 of them a look of pure innocence and shrugged. “Sorry, Apollo had some primping to do! It’s not everyday we get invited to a dinner like this!”

Blake chuckled at my words, then plucked a sleeping Apollo from my arms. I was left carrying the diaper bags and staring at the rest of the guys as they marched single file out the door, like ducks in a row. I felt more like a squirrel heading to a rave because my nerves were all over the place.

Would they like me? Think that I’m too city to sit at their table? Too snobby? All the negative thoughts were rolling through my brain, one right after another. I felt frozen to the spot I was standing in and nothing short of a miracle was going to move me. Was this a panic attack?

A few seconds later, I was swept off my feet…. Literally. Blake picked me up and carried me to the truck, whispering in my ears after I squeaked in shock. “Stop overthinking things. You look beautiful and everyone is going to love you, I promise.”

How did I tell him I couldn’t help it when my brain travelled to the dark side? It was like I was stuck in quicksand and watching my life repeat on loop. His eyes softened when they met mine. “I understand it’s hard. I’ve been in a similar situation. But, you will get through this and I’m going to help you. It’s just gonna take some time and a lot of trust from both of us, Sprout.”

Sprout? Did he just call me a name because I’m so much shorter than him? I'm making a list of all this unacceptable nicknames, although secretly, I kinda liked them.

I snorted at his use of the newest nickname. I’d show him sprout, when I decided to wear my 5 inch heels. Rolling my eyes at him as he once again, snapped my seatbelt in place, I couldn’t help but point out, “Hey big guy, you know that I can fasten my own seat belt right?”

He studied me with an intensity that would have had me squirming in my seat yesterday. Now, I just met his gaze and shrugged. He smirked, “I know you can. But sometimes a woman deserves to be treated like a lady and I’m getting the idea you haven’t had too much of that. So, let me do the small stuff that makes me happy, please?”

Ahhh ...my weakness. He said please. That’s a word that’s not often used in the entertainment industry and it wasn’t used at all in my marriage. I covered his hand, which was still lingering over the seatbelt. “Thank you. And you’re right, I’m used to doing everything myself. So, I appreciate everything.”

He leaned into me and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. Nothing obscene, but I still glanced back at my kids after Blake closed my truck door because I wasn’t certain how they would react to something like this. King and Zuma were both grinning from ear to ear, then whispering to each other in hushed tones. Of course, with my mom ear’s I could hear it, plain as day. “I told you they liked each other!” King whispered to Zuma. Zuma, not to be left out of the conversation, added his own thoughts, “I already knew that! You can just tell. They must think we’re blind.” Then they started giggling again.

I was blushing after eavesdropping on their conversation… which I shouldn’t have done, but I couldn’t help it. The boys seemed to be okay with the idea of Blake and I as friends and that made me happy. They were my first priority and if they weren’t on board, then this wasn’t going to work. Although we still hadn’t defined what ‘this’ was yet… I don’t think either of us knew.

Friends make the best lovers. Where the hell did that thought come from? Evidently my long dry spell was affecting my thoughts now, because I had sex on the brain and it involved one man. Before this, I thought of myself as an asexual creature, functioning for the sole purpose of raising my children properly. Everything else was forgotten.

While I was on a mental journey to discovery, Blake had started up the truck and we were heading towards the direction of town. (At least, I think that was the way. I have a horrible sense of direction without my phone.) I started to wring my hands, nervous about meeting more people that were important to the man next to me and worse, embarrassing him. I sighed and moved around in my seat.

Blake looked over at me with concern. “Do you want to stop and talk?” I shook my head no. “I promise that I won’t let anything bad happen to you or the boys. My family is harmless, unless you pull the board games out...then it gets a little dangerous.” 

That mental image floated through my mind and I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. The idea of Blake, at a table, playing Monopoly or Scrabble, with his extended family was hilarious. While I was still laughing, he gently took my hand in his and held it the rest of the drive.

My anxiety decreased and I was still grinning at the idea of Blake Shelton playing Yahtzee. 

********  
Blake pulled the truck in front of a cute log home. It wasn’t small or extremely large. From the outside, it looked extremely welcoming. I looked around and started counting cars. My stomach did a dive. “Blake, I thought you said this was a family dinner?”

He was looking at the ceiling of the truck when he answered me, “It is.”

Why wouldn’t he meet my eyes? This man was always playing eye games with me. “Do your parents own a lot of vehicles then?”

He sighed heavily, then turned to look at me. His eyes were full of mischief and good for him that he wasn’t smiling just yet or I might have kicked him. “I’m thinking family dinner here might mean something a little different than it does in California.”

Oh. Ohhhh ...boy. I didn’t expect anything of this caliber. I wasn’t prepared for anything of this caliber. I wasn’t wearing much makeup and my clothing didn’t shout Gwen Stefani! I wasn’t ready for a stage full of people…. My breathing started to increase to keep up with the rapid thoughts my brain kept throwing at me.

Shit. I was going to hyperventilate in front of Blake. How embarrassing. Or a panic attack… I wasn’t prepared for that either.

Blake studied me for less than 10 seconds and then was on the move. I couldn’t move if I tried. I had no idea what he was doing. I was focused on the floor and trying to steady my breathing. I heard doors open and shut, voices, then nothing but silence.

It could have been 2 minutes or 5 minutes later, I don’t know. But, my door was opened and Blake unfastened my seatbelt and lifted me out of the truck. He continued to carry me until he sat down on a bench and continued to hold me in his lap. His grip on me was firm and steady, warm. It finally registered that my kids weren’t with us and I started to move. He tightened his grip and told me to calm down, then started rocking me like a child.

We stayed like that for a while. I finally calmed down and sighed, then moved my head so I could stare up at the man holding me. “You keep saving me, what am I going to do the next time something like this happens?”

I meant it to be a light conversation starter… maybe to work towards what happened and allowing me to apologize. Yeah, that didn’t happen. Word to the wise...when you have an Alpha male (and I’m just figuring out that’s what Blake is, I think), and they think a female is hurting and they can fix it, nothing on the Earth is going to keep them from trying. 

Blake frowned at me. And I’m not certain I’ve ever witnessed one of his frowns, but it was enough to know that I didn’t like it at all. This was a funny man, frowning should not be part of his repertoire. Hugging me closer to him, he asked, “What do you mean the next time it happens? How often does this happen Gwen?”

Oh shit. My brain said to ABORT this conversation as soon as possible because he wasn’t going to like my answers. However, this man was my friend and I wouldn’t lie to him.

Leaning my head on his arm, I gave him the truth he was looking for and the one I was ashamed of. “Before every show. Sometimes after every show. Anytime I have to deal with the kids father.”

He froze at my words. “And the people around you just allowed you to continue on like this?”

I picked at non-existent lent on his shirt, something to focus on other than those blue eyes I could feel staring me down. “It’s embarrassing Blake. I don’t advertise it. I hide it the best I can.”

He lightly shook me. “Look at me, please.” I sighed and looked up into pools of blue. “This shit stops tonight. No more hiding and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about Gwen. Life happens and sometimes things like this comes with it. Did you know I had panic attacks after my brother died? Do you think less of me?”

I gasped. I had no idea about his brother. And I felt worse now that I didn’t know… but I also felt something else…. “No, absolutely not! I’m sorry you suffered from them. I know how they feel. I wish I could have been here to help you through them.”

He smiled at me with a bit of sadness. “We all have our crosses to bear. This was mine and I was a lot younger.” He shifted my legs across his lap. “Now, please listen to what I have to say before you get your feathers ruffled up okay?”

Feathers ruffled up? I loved Oklahoma.

Blake was smiling at me now, but only one dimple was making a debut. “I was going to wait until later to have this conversation, but given the way things are, I think now is good.” His grin grew even more as he watched my confused face. “I know Hugh mentioned the state of the bus to you. I have a perfect solution and I think it will work perfectly.”

He did? Of course he did. The man’s lap I was sitting on was a fixer. He was constantly sweeping me up or making my day better. He made my children smile and laugh...so why was I surprised he had a solution? I motioned my hands and said, “Give me more Cowboy.”

He chuckled, “Cowboy huh? I’ll let you get away with that one. Okay, well it’s relatively simple Gwen. I have a plane. And I’m going to go with you and the boys on the last leg of the tour, if that’s okay with you. I have some time off, so I can’t think of a better way to spend it.”

I was going to cry. Seriously ugly cry.

No one had ever done something so selfless for me before and Blake needed to know that...he needed to know how very precious and rare a human he truly is.

So, sitting on Blake Shelton’s lap, somewhere in Oklahoma, with huge tears streaming down my cheeks, I tried to convey my feelings to him. “You don’t understand… no one, I mean, my family… But, no one has acted so selfless to help me or my children before. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a gift.”

And the tears continued to flow.

Blake’s huge hands embraced each side of my face and he lightly kissed the tears off my cheeks. “You’re the gift Gwen. You and your boys. I wish you could see that.”

With that, the rest of my heart fell.

Right into Blake’s waiting hands.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake, Gwen, and the boys make it to dinner with his family.

Disclaimer: I still don’t own the characters. This story is pure fiction and a product of my overactive imagination. This story is also A/U aspects.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 7

Blake let me stop by the truck to clean up my make-up from my cryfest the best I could before heading in to greet his family. And I needed to invest in a watch while here, because once again, I had no idea how much time had passed. I knew my kids were inside with his family and probably highly entertaining them, knowing King and Zuma. But, I was still nervous with them being out of my sight. Sighing, I flipped the mirror back and stepped out of the truck, “All done!” I told Blake as he waited for me, leaning against a tree.

He held his hand up and motioned his fingers for me to come to him. I smiled and walked straight to his waiting arms, watching his eyes as I did so. This man… he disarmed me. He made me laugh. He picked me up. He held me like I was a precious commodity. He was great with my children. Someone please tell me how I could keep him and fix everything wrong in my life… because that’s what I was beginning to realize what I wanted.

I wanted this man. 

Am I allowed to say that? I’m old fashioned. I’m not supposed to feel this way, but Lord help me, I can’t help it. And looking into his eyes right now, I know I’m not alone. A small sigh escaped my lips as Blake wrapped me in another of his famous hugs. So, so good. These hugs were just amazing. His chest vibrated against me as he laughed, “I’m glad you like my hugs, but what do you say we go in and see the boys, then you can meet my crazy family?”

Shit. There I go again. Sharing my thoughts, without meaning too. At least this wasn’t as bad as some of the previous occasions. Wait, did that mean I had to let go of him. Ugh. Sighing heavily, like the drama queen I am NOT, I said, “Good idea. I hope the boys didn’t destroy dinner. They were hungry. And Apollo isn’t always good around people he doesn’t know. I’m looking forward to meeting your family. Thanks for bringing us and I’m sorry about earlier.”

He had my hand in his as he was walking towards the door and he turned around and frowned at me, “Gwen. No apologies about what happened earlier, ever. You can’t help it. I’ve been there, I know. Are we good?”

Nodding, I let him pull me along, inside the house...where everyone was waiting.

********

There were people everywhere and they were all related or related by marriage. And they were all smiling at Blake as he announced our arrival…. Not that anyone in the surrounding 3 counties could have missed it. I mean, when you shout, “Hey y’all, we’re here!! Where’s the boys? Oh hi, Ma!” 

And just like that, poof, there was no tension. This was more like a Thanksgiving dinner, without the benefit of a holiday. I wasn’t a fool to think that all these people were here on a daily basis, but they weren’t going out of their way to single me out for pictures and autographs at the moment and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that.

I soon saw two little boys that were mine playing cards with a group of kids. I smiled, walking over to the group to check out what they were playing. Blake caught my hand before I reached them and tilted his head to the side to follow him. Curious, I glanced at King and Zuma once more and followed Blake.

We were tucked in the corner of his mom’s house, with a good number of people around us. He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “They’re playing cards with my cousins and they’re currently winning. I think they are up 4 or 5 beans. You don’t want to distract them, that’s not cool, know what I mean?”

I looked up at him and grinned, then whispered back, “Exactly what kind of game are they playing Blake?”

I had an idea… but watching him bite his lip, then rub his neck in an attempt to figure out a way to distract me was fun. He sighed, “Poker.”

I couldn’t help it. I tipped my head back and laughed loudly.

He thought I was going to be mad that they made friends with his younger cousins and were playing poker with beans? My brothers did the same thing around their age. Blake looked at me in shock as I continued to laugh. And then I realized everyone else was looking at me too. Or were they looking at us?

I began to feel a little odd. I started to take a step back, when one of Blake’s long arms wrapped around my waist and hauled me closer to his chest. “What are you doing?” I asked him quietly?

He smirked at me. “If you have to ask, I’m not doing it right.” Then he leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips.

My brain went quiet. My body went limp. His kiss owned me. And I’m pretty sure that was the moment I knew he likely destroyed me for any other man, ever. (Not that it was even an option…)

It was a simple kiss. He brushed his lips against mine and sighed sweetly, then rumbled, “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” Lord, me too. Blake threw his head back and laughed. Then he leaned his head down against mine. “What do you say we go find the baby and you can meet some of this crew that’s waiting on us?”

Hugh was right… Blake does make the best plans. Blake continued to hold my hand as we worked our way through his family in search of Apollo, then I could begin the easiest meet and greet I’ve ever had in my life.

********

There was so much food piled up on the cabinets and tables waiting, I was sure we could feed an army. Just how many people were eating? I figured there were probably 50 people that had shown up, all related to Blake in some way. When I caught a glimpse of what Blake called the ‘buffet line’, my eyes rounded like saucers. If that was a buffet line, then what’s an ordinary buffet look like to this family?

I finally zeroed in on Apollo’s cooing and I wasn’t surprised to find him in Dorothy’s arms, playing with her hair. He was awake and happy, which I was grateful for. I went to take him from her, hesitant to interrupt the group she was chatting with. I didn’t need to worry, Blake did it for me. “Hey ma, we’re gonna steal this little guy okay?” He plucked up Apollo, who squealed with laughter.

It was done. He’d officially made all three of my children laugh. No other man on the planet had accomplished that feat, certainly not their father.

Blake started to walk away from the group, but I put my hand on his upper arm to stop him. He looked at me with confusion. “Give me a second, please.” I walked over to his mom and lightly put my hand on her lower arm so I didn’t startle her and used a lower tone, “Dorothy?”

She turned and looked at me with surprise, then a genuine smile spread across her face. “Gwen! Hello honey!” Then she wrapped me in a hug that was similar to the one from the diner, but this one was more familiar and even more welcoming. I was grinning when she released me. “I’m sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I wanted to thank you for watching Apollo while Blake helped me.” She waved her hand in the air like it was nothing. “Honey, I love kids, our entire family loves kids. That’s why you see so many of them running around! And we’re all here to help, in any way we can.”

I was going to cry again… but I swore that I wouldn’t. These people were truly the best humans. It was easy to see where Blake’s kindness and generosity, his sense of selflessness came from after talking with Dorothy, even for a short bit. I blinked back tears and nodded my thanks. Dorothy smiled again and gave me a side hug, then took the time to introduce Blake’s sister to me. “Gwen, this is Blake’s sister Endy. I’m pretty sure she’s been a fan since she was little. However, tonight isn’t about being a fan, it’s about family. So welcome to our family.”

Endy was beautiful. She and Blake had the same color eyes. Her eyes were also kind. I didn’t even try to shake her hand. I learned my lesson with this family. I stepped forward and tried to give her what I hoped wasn’t an awkward hug, but I should have known anyone with Shelton DNA wouldn’t know awkward if it hit them sideways. Endy wrapped her arms around me just like her mom did and hugged me for all I was worth. Before she let me go, she whispered, “Thank You.” in my ear. I blinked in confusion. I wanted to ask what she was thanking me for, but Blake had backtracked and came to ‘rescue’ me as he called it. The group surrounding us, which I had met, but couldn’t recall all of their names, laughed at him.

Allowing myself to be pulled in the general direction Blake was leading, he stopped in the middle of the hallway suddenly. I ran into his back with a small ‘umph’. I started to ask what was wrong when he sighed dramatically, then looked at a smiling Apollo in his arms. “Really lil guy? Right now?” Apollo pulled his ear and giggled for his answer. “Okay, then. You win.” And then Blake turned around and handed me one very, very stinky baby.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Are you scared of diapers Mr. Shelton?” Blake started to back away from me slowly and I realized that was a true statement. Well, that was going to change, now. He could help me and I was going to help him… even if it was just a diaper. I smiled at him as gracefully as I could. “Is there somewhere around here to change a diaper?”

If a man could lose his tan in a few seconds, Blake did. He was pasty white as he led me to a room where Apollo could be changed. I was trying hard to hold back laughter and so far, I was succeeding. Apollo was in a great mood. It was like he was in on a joke. He filled his diaper and the big man was scared of it. 

Blake sighed for the seventh time, turned on a light and said, “I put the diaper bag stuff in here. You need anything else? I’ll just go wait in the living room.”

Oh he would? He was making me realize my fears and he’s seen me at some of my worst moments I’ve ever had… I’d like to help him overcome one of his fears. 

“Actually Blake, I could use your help.” Liar, liar, pants on fire! Ugh, my stupid conscious. I ignored it. He looked positively as white as the sheets on the bed. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea… I tried a trick out of his playbook. “Please.”

He sighed heavily, squared his shoulders like he was going to war, and looked me in the eye. It took everything I had not to laugh. “What do you need me to do?” 

Lord have Mercy, have I ever had this much fun? And it was just changing a diaper!! Did I feel this way because of the chemistry between us or is the way things were supposed to feel? I shoved all the questions back and decided to focus on the now, it was too entertaining to miss. What job did I want to give him? Easy, hard?

Might as well break him in right and know now if he’s going to run for it when the going gets hard, because a dirty diaper is no joke. I’ve seen grown men throw up from changing one. I smiled at him with what I hoped was a look of relief. “I’m going to have you hold his feet up for me while I clean him up. With two of us, it’ll go faster.”

He looked so relieved that he would only be holding Apollo’s feet while changing his diaper, that I felt bad for about 3 seconds for strong arming him into this. Fortunately, the smell drifting from Apollo was enough for me to push that aside and quickly pull a diaper and wipes from my black bag. I stripped him down to his onesie and had Blake stand on the other side of the twin bed we were using as a changing table. Armed and ready, I asked Blake to grab Apollo’s ankles and pull them towards him.

Everything that happened after that is just bad luck on Blake’s part. Ask any mother, changing a diaper is nothing to us. For someone like Blake, this was a monumental moment. I could tell he was trying not to breathe and I was trying not to laugh. Apollo was blowing spit bubbles. I managed to get the dirty diaper off and get Apollo cleaned up. I was sliding his clean diaper under him when it happened. 

A pure stream shot up and launched across the twin bed, straight towards Blake. As soon as I saw the stream, I knew. I watched in a sort of horrific fascination as Apollo did his business and welcomed Blake to our family, kind of a baptism by fire… only it wasn’t fire. There was a huge streak across Blake’s shirt and down his jeans, because when he let Apollo’s legs go in shock, the trajectory of Apollo’s aim changed. I took quick advantage of the situation and fastened his diaper on quickly, then looked back up at Blake, who was staring at his shirt in confusion.

Apollo giggled when I picked him up, and tickled him. I was beginning to worry about the big guy in front of me. “You okay over there?” I asked him. He glanced up and he was no longer pasty white, but bright red. He blinked a few times, then shook his head and asked, “Did Apollo just pee on me?”

Sweet Jesus…

“Yep. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes multiple times a day if you aren’t fast enough.” And I laughed, hard. Blake did his best to glare at me, then he stared down at his shirt and sighed, “Well hell. Gotta change now.” He looked at Apollo and smiled, “Thanks for the initiation little buddy, I appreciate it.”

Apollo giggled. I giggled at them both.

I was finding so many pieces of myself here… pieces that have been missing and parts that I didn’t even realize were missing.

Blake went across the hall, ‘where he kept some other clothes’, while I finished getting Apollo dressed. After I finished, he still wasn’t back, so Apollo and I would just go back and join the party and Blake could easily find us there. I opened the door and stepped into the hall, shutting it quietly behind us. Turning to the left, is when I saw the girl, with a sour expression on her face, leaning against the wall, her arms across her ample chest.

Who was she? I didn’t remember meeting her yet… and why did she look mean? If I didn’t know her, I had no idea why she was waiting at the end of the hall. I started down the hall, planning on avoiding her due to the bad vibe she was giving me. I tried to give her a smile, but the moment she met my eyes, the true hate I saw there shook me. What was this? Did I forget to say hello to someone or was she upset that I wasn’t signing autographs and standing for pictures tonight? If she was, I could make an exception, I didn’t want to be responsible for ruining anyone’s night.

Thinking it best to just avoid her, I snuggled Apollo closer to me and started to the left of her, what I thought was the direction of the kitchen. She stepped in front of me, halting my progress. I was shocked. This was brazen, even for somewhere like California. I sighed inwardly and wished I wasn’t holding my baby if this was going to turn ugly. I’ve had my fair share of ugly run ins, but usually with a disgruntled fan or concert goer. Shifting most of my weight on my left leg and hip, which was holding Apollo, I met her eyes and got to the point, “Do you need help with something?”

She laughed and it was harsh and ugly. It was enough to tell me the type of person she was. It was also enough to tell me that I didn’t want to stick around any longer than I needed to with my child in attendance. She glared at Apollo first, then at me. “Do I need something? Yes, I need you to leave. You and your brats.”

Pick on me all you want, but leave my children out of it and never call them names. It was then I heard another door close, followed by the booted steps that could only be one man. The instant relaxation of my body confirmed the answer. I felt him come up to us, standing against my back and taking Apollo from my arms, assessing the situation as he did so. “What’s going on here?” he asked. I tipped my head back and gave him a small smile. “Hi. We were just going to have a little chat.” I motioned to the girl in front of me, since I didn’t know her name.

Blake snorted. “A chat huh?” He glared at the girl in front of me, who was now staring at her feet and bright red. “Let me help you out with this one, since I know a little history.” I held my hand up, giving my approval. (Like he really needed it) “Still chasing the pot at the end of the rainbow Claire? It’s never gonna happen. Now, I’m sorry as hell about your marriage, but I’ll thank you to stay the hell away from me,Gwen and her children. You have a good night.”

Just wow…. So polite, but efficient. I was prepared to scratch her eyes out for calling my kids brats and he shut her down politely. It seemed I had a ton to learn in this world. Blake stepped around her, gently grabbed my hand and walked us back to the kitchen, where everyone was now in the buffet line.

********

I was sitting beside Endy, watching our kids play. I was absolutely thrilled to learn she had a boy and a girl around Apollo and Zuma’s ages. They went right back to playing bean poker after dinner and dessert. Blake was talking to a few of his hunting buddies, but he elected to take Apollo with him, rather then let him sleep in my arms. Who was I to argue? I watched them for a few minutes, my heart full of joy.

Minus the scene in the hall with the girl named Claire, this had been a great night. And to think I had been so nervous about meeting these people, I had a panic attack. I wanted to laugh at myself now… 

I turned my attention back to the kids playing poker and found Endy was smiling at me. I grinned back and remembered she thanked me earlier and I didn’t have a chance to ask her why. This was the perfect opportunity, especially since Blake was occupied and the rest of the boys. “Can I ask you a question Endy?” She looked surprised, then excited. The Shelton kids wore their emotions on their faces and were so easy to read… most of the time. I wanted to laugh. “Why did you say Thank You after you gave me a hug in the kitchen?” I asked.

“Oh!” She blushed. It was adorable. “A couple of reasons actually. I know we’re not talking about music or anything tonight since it’s family, but I wanted you to know that your music got me through some of the most difficult times in my life.” Oh wow… I’ve heard this before, from many of my fans, but I never tired of hearing it. It was such an honor to be able to help someone through their pain using my talent and if I could touch just one soul, it was everything. I started to thank her, but she wasn’t finished. “And I wanted to thank you for making my brother smile again. I don’t know what’s going on between you two and it’s not my business. All I know is that I haven’t seen him this vibrant and excited about anything in a year, so thank you Gwen.”

How did I tell someone that I didn’t do anything…. That the amazing man they knew did it all? Did they know that he likely saved my life? And gave me a reason to hope for a future? Should I tell her all of that? 

Deciding to keep things as simple as possible for the moment, I smiled at her. “Music is healing, even for me. Any time I find or write a new song I resonate with, it’s like putting a bandaid on a wound. I’m so incredibly happy that my music was able to help you and thank you for sharing that with me. I am honored.” I finished my thoughts while staring at Blake. “You have an amazing brother. He is selfless, honorable, funny, loyal. He’s actually the one that helped me and I am so grateful for that. If I helped him in some small way, it would be a priceless gift.”

Only then did I have the nerve to look at Endy. She looked like the cat that ate the canary. Shit, shit, shit… did I say too much? Reveal too much?

I sighed.

She laughed and gave me a side hug, while we were sitting down. “You’re in good hands Gwen, you and your children. And I can see he is in excellent hands, someone who knows and appreciates his worth.”

Oh. That was a lovely thing to say. I loved Blake’s mom and sister, they were incredible humans. Actually, everyone I met tonight had been lovely, with the exception of the girl, Claire. And I refused to let her ruin my evening.

Blake returned with a sleeping Apollo and a smile on his face. He stared down at me, like he was checking for mortal injuries or emotional wounds. I laughed. Then he shrugged sheepishly and tilted his head to the door, “This little guy is out for the night I think. You about ready to head out?”

I nodded and allowed him to pull me up with his free hand. Endy got up with us. Making the final rounds and saying goodbye to everyone, then hugging Blake’s mom again took a few minutes. Then it took another 10 minutes for the boys to finish their game.

Halfway back to the ranch, all three boys were asleep in the backseat. I was holding Blake’s hand in the front. I studied his side profile as he drove. This man…. Kept drifting through my head. There was so much about him that I absolutely adored, but things I didn’t know. And to be honest, I couldn’t give a crap about the things I didn’t know...especially after meeting his family.

Oh, how I had fallen and I wondered if Blake would ever do the same thing… if I was worthy of him.

And I wondered if I was strong enough to catch his heart if he did.

Another realization scared me, disappointing Blake just might be on the same caliber as disappointing my family and I wouldn’t be able to stand it. But, I wanted it so much. Maybe too much.

“Gwen, it’s gonna be okay.” Blake said from the driver’s seat. “We’ve got this”

I chose to believe him as I felt my fears drift away.

I’m not her with this man. But one day, I will be.

Count on it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen spend some time together alone of the ranch.

Disclaimer: I still don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that’s a product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 8

It was a new day and I woke up feeling like a totally new woman. We only had one more night here before we had to leave for my next gig and I wasn’t exactly dreading it like I thought I would, but I was sad to be leaving Oklahoma behind.

Deciding to embrace the day, I got up and found King and Zuma were already awake and had helped themselves to some cereal. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was only 7 am. The boys were up early. I smiled and kissed them each on the cheek. “Good morning boys!” I sang as I was pouring myself a glass of juice from the fridge.

The front door opened and Hugh came lumbering in laughing, followed by Blake at his heels. They were deep in conversation, so I took a moment to observe them over my glass of juice. We’ve only been here a short time, but these two guys were getting along famously. I was thrilled to see the bond forming between them. Hugh was part of my musical family, but could often be found at my regular family functions too, especially if it involved one of the boys.

And Blake…. Well we were going to see how things would develop, but I had hope. Right now, he’s a great friend and a phenomenal kisser.

I blushed just thinking about it.

Here I was, in the middle of my kitchen, thinking about last night’s kiss…. “I loved it too, very much.” a deep voice replied huskily in my right ear. What? I looked around and somehow Blake had managed to sneak up behind me while I was standing and thinking… aloud again. I wanted to hide from the embarrassment. And the boys...oh no!!! I looked to the breakfast nook to gauge their reactions, but found it empty. “No worries, Gwen. They didn’t hear you. They were heading in to play their game when Hugh and I came in.”

I sighed with relief, then let myself lean back against Blake’s chest. “I hate lying and I feel like I’m lying to them.”

I waited for him to say something. Anything. Complete crickets on his end.

I twisted my head around so I could look at him. “Hey, are you okay?” I asked. His blue eyes were bright, but troubled. I didn’t like the troubled look at all. “Is it something I did? Do you need help with something? Is someone hurt?” I couldn’t stop all the questions that were falling from my mouth.

He released a small chuckle and I didn’t release how tense I still was until then. He wrapped his arms around my waist and turned me around to face him. “You’re always thinking of others. I love that about you. And to answer your questions, you absolutely didn’t do anything...except, you forgot to kiss me good morning. No one is hurt, I promise. And Hugh helped me out this morning.”

Mind blown.

I couldn’t concentrate on anything beyond the fact that he said I forgot to kiss him good morning. The girl in me was elated. The woman in me was looking for the nearest empty bedroom. The mom in me looked to see if we had privacy. Seeing no little boys of mine nearby, I went up to my tiptoes, wound my arms around Blake’s neck and brought his head down to mine, then gave him what I hoped was the best good morning kiss he’s ever had.

This kiss was different from last night. More intense. After the third brush of my lips, Blake growled under his breath and hauled me closer to him. I felt my feet dangling in the air, but I didn’t care. I wound my hands through his barely controlled curls and Lord, this man had a glorious head of hair!! I felt the light brush of tongue against my lips and I groaned, then opened my mouth to meet his.

This was a bedroom worthy kiss and definitely not kitchen appropriate. That’s probably why he sighed after a few minutes, kissed my nose, and set me down on the floor. He had a huge smile on his face. “You just kissed the life outta me woman. In fact, I might need to sit down and drink the rest of your juice.”

I felt myself blush. I didn’t do this. I didn’t kiss men in my kitchen. Well, I mean I just did… but I wasn’t that person. I wasn’t raised this way. I was acting out of character for me. Wasn’t I?

I looked at Blake, trying to find the right words… and all I could say was, “You’re welcome.”

He threw his head back and laughed.

What did I just say? What is this man doing to me? I hardly recognized myself, but I loved it! It felt like taking a breath of fresh air after you’ve been underwater for too long. Revitalizing and refreshing.

New.

And I meant to keep him, if at all possible.

I remember my grandmother telling me when I was a girl, that when you met the right boy, you would know. Sure, you would fight at times, but life together was essentially a given. There were no other options because you couldn’t exist without the other. And when I think about my other two relationships, I always had doubts. I was never fully comfortable. I should have trusted my instincts. 

I’m learning.

I sighed and smiled up at Blake. “So, what’s going on today? I asked him.

He was leaning against the breakfast nook and I leaned against the opposite counter, our feet touching while we talked. He grinned, which was becoming one of my favorite things in the world. “I was going to run an idea by you and see what you think.”

Intriguing. I nodded, “Go ahead. I’m all ears.”

“Endy wondered if Zuma and King would like to come over to her house and play with her kids for the day, get them out of the game room. And Mom offered to watch Apollo so you and I could take in a few sights around Tish. But, this is only if you are comfortable with it Gwen. I completely understand if you aren’t.” Blake explained.

I listened and waited for my inner voice to speak up. Nothing. I absolutely adored Dorothy and liked Endy, plus the boys played really well with her kids. Apollo did really well with Dorothy yesterday and Blake had a phone that worked here, so if there was a problem, we could be reached. A feeling of excitement began to curl inside of me. I bit my lip, thinking. “Let’s ask the boys first and make sure it’s something they want to do. If so, I think it’s a great idea.”

Blake blinked, like he expected me to say no, then a huge smile spread across his face. “Well let’s go ask them now, shall we?” He held out his hand for mine, and I followed behind him to the game room.

“Hey boys!! Y’all interested in going to play with the kids you met last night?” Blake asked from the door of the gameroom. Apollo and Zuma dropped their controls at the same time and jumped up. Apollo asked, “Really? When do we leave?” I laughed at his reaction. That answered my question if they were interested in going or not. “Why don’t you two change clothes and get your shoes on while I get your brother ready to go?” With that, they darted to their rooms.

Shaking his head, Blake laughed. “You have good kids Gwen.” I blushed at his compliment, but thankful at the same time. “Thank you. It’s important to me that they grow up as normal as they can in this industry.” Wanting to change the subject, I asked him, “Want to help me get the mini monster up?” 

Blake quirked a brow at me, then laughed, “Poor Apollo. You call him the mini monster?” 

Rolling my eyes at him, I said, “You’ll see what I mean eventually. He’s actually been pretty sedate while we’ve been here.”

Blake wrapped a big hand comfortably around the back of my neck, under my hair as we walked together to my bedroom. His thumb was rubbing up and down on the side and it took everything I had not to sigh with bliss. This man….

Well, it looked like we didn’t have to wake the mini-monster up. Apollo was sitting up in the play pen, looking around quietly. He was hugging his blanket and sucking on his thumb. He saw me, then Blake walk through the doorway and he immediately dropped his blanket and put his arms up. Smiling, I reached down and picked him up. “Good morning, Sunshine baby!” I rubbed my nose against his and my normally grumpy before noon baby, laughed.

More music to this mom’s ears. I wanted to soak it in.

Apollo and I had a pretty solid morning routine. It would change a little this morning, but I didn’t think that would hurt anything. I kissed his cheek and took him to the bed so I could change his diaper and get him dressed.

I turned around to Blake he could join us, but when he saw what I was doing, he just held a hand up, a grin forming on his lips, winked at me and said, “I’m going to go see how the boys are progressing while you are getting Pollo ready.”

Chicken.

I laughed and then went about getting Apollo ready for the day and his diaper bag adequately packed, then packed an extra pair of clothes for each Zuma and King too. As a mom of only boys, I’ve learned quickly to be prepared.

With that complete, I turned a happy Apollo over to a waiting Blake so I could get ready too.

********  
It took two hours, but we finally dropped an ecstatic King and Zuma off with Blake’s sister, Endy, and took Apollo to Blake’s mom’s house. I was afraid he was going to have separation anxiety. I shouldn’t have worried because as soon as Dorothy’s eyes lit up and she clapped her hands with excitement, he almost jumped from my arms with a squeal.

I didn’t have to worry about my boys for a little while. I haven’t had this sort of freedom in a long time, so I wasn’t certain how to feel. I waited for the guilt to set in, dark thoughts, and second guessing. Nothing. I took a deep breath and still felt the refreshed feeling I woke up this morning and said a quick thanks to God for this new glimpse at life.

I glanced at Blake, in the driver’s seat, concentrating on the road with a smile playing on his lips as usual. I wondered what he was thinking. Then I thought, instead of wondering, why not just ask? “What’s on your mind over there cowboy?”

He smiled over at me, then put a turn signal on. I recognized this road. Were we going back to the ranch for something? “Well, I know you like horses. I thought we’d take a couple of my horses out this morning. What do you think?”

Now I was bouncing in my seat with excitement. Thank goodness I thought to wear some of the clothes that Blake had brought all of us. I was already in jeans and boots, with a light jacket. My blonde hair was tucked up in one Blake’s baseball caps. “I would love to take the horses out! I’ve done some riding and I loved it when I was able to go.”

More Oklahoma nature. More peace. More Blake. Just give me more of everything in this place.

Blake drove his truck up to the stables. I was beginning to recognize things and that made me happy. We would pass something and a warm feeling came over me because I felt comfortable in the environment. When he parked, I threw open my door, anxious to get on a horse. Instead, Blake met me as I was releasing my seatbelt.

Of course he did. I sighed happily.

He wrapped an arm around my waist to lift me down from his truck and I took total advantage of the situation, especially with no children present. I slid my hands into his hair and slid my lips across his, meaning the kiss to be a light peck.

Lord, there’s nothing light about this man.

After I took advantage of the situation, he took control of the kiss. I heard the truck door slam somewhere behind me, then found myself propped against it as he continued to kiss me. This man could kiss like no other. I don’t know what they taught in the Oklahoma schools here or on the backroads…. Whatever, but Blake Shelton turned out just fine.  
Great. Superb. The champion of kissers.

And then he stopped kissing me with a chuckle. “If we don’t get moving, we’re gonna be here kissing all morning. While I don’t mind, I do want you to get some time away from everything before we have to leave, if that’s okay?”

Check considerate off the list of his growing attributes.

Blake grabbed my hand and we walked side by side into the stables. He looked at me from the side and rubbed my thumb with his at the same time, “I forgot to tell you that I called ahead and asked Rudy, my horse guy, to go ahead and get two horses ready for us. I wasn’t certain how experienced you were, so we’re gonna put you on a pretty gentle mare today. Is that okay?”

I grinned. I wanted to clap, dance, run ahead like a kid…. But I didn’t, because what would he do with me then? Likely have me locked up for insanity. Instead, I nodded, “Yes. Thank you Blake and please thank Rudy too, if I don’t get the chance.”

His eyes were warm and gentle as he stared at me. I’m surprised I hadn’t walked into something yet. Then it dawned on me that Blake likely steered me clear of any obstacles in my path. If kept staring at me like that, I was going to walk right into a pile of manure and I wouldn’t care.

What’s walking in a little bit of crap, when you realize you lived in worse even longer?

Shaking my head, I didn’t want negative thoughts from my past in my head today or in any of our space if I could help it. It’s a daily struggle sometimes, but not here in Oklahoma right now and definitely not with this man by my side.

“You okay over there Gwen?” Blake asked me. “Huh?” I replied. I then realized we were standing in front of two horses that were saddled and ready to go, one completely loaded down with saddlebags and everything.

Oh wow…. Look at them… the horses were gorgeous!! I don’t recall seeing these two when we visited the stables. Blake laughed beside me. I groaned, “Did I do it again?” He shook his head, “No, but Gwen, sometimes your facial expressions give you away and this is one of those times. Come and meet your horse, Halo.”

I was in love as I stared into her deep brown eyes, stroking her nose. She nuzzled my neck and I laughed. “What a darling!! I love her!!” I said to Blake, who was watching me with interest and then speculation. His blue eyes lit up, then said, “That’s good. Because she’s yours when you are here.”

Say what? A horse? Did this man just give me a horse as a gift? I was shocked and elated and…. I was going to cry because I was so damn happy. A part of me knew I shouldn’t accept this gift, so I spoke softly, “You are a very generous man. Too generous. I couldn’t possibly accept such a gift. However, I will happily ride her when I am here.”

Blake frowned. Oh dear. He took two steps towards me and boosted me up in his arms, then set me in the saddle. Making sure the stirrups were the proper length, he settled his hand on my jean clad leg. “You can’t give a gift back, it’s rude. And it would really hurt my feelings.” 

I got lost in his deep blue eyes and I sighed in resignation. He knew he won when he started to smile. It was such a large gift and I didn’t have anything to give him in return, except maybe a headache now and then.

Stop it Stefani… not now. And there was my inner voice, speaking up finally. I was beginning to think it was gone.

Shaking my head at his ridiculous, but funny words, “Okay, Shelton. I’ll accept. On one condition. If you are able, you ride with me when I’m here.”

His smile was blinding. He lifted my hand and pressed a kiss to a knuckle, then mounted his own horse, Theo. I followed his lead as we left the pasture and then soon rode side by side.

“Where are we riding to? What are we doing?” I fired off the questions I’d be dying to ask. I felt like a kid.

Blake was still smiling. “We’re going to check a couple of places on my property that I’ve been meaning to do, if that’s okay with you. Then we’ll have lunch and head back.”

That sounded wonderful. A beautiful day on Blake’s land in Oklahoma, surrounded by nature. My soul was so happy, I was so happy… we were in synch.

I forgot what such a feeling felt like.

********

The hours until lunch flew by.

It could have been the company… I mean Halo was a perfect princess. And the other company, well he was far better than perfect. Is that possible?

We’d rode to three different locations on his property so that he could check fences, gates, and cameras. He even fixed a fence while I watched, intrigued that this man could do so much with his hands. He was just so talented!

When we found a camera down by what Blake referred to as ‘suspicious means’, he put a call into a friend that promised to be out tomorrow to replace it and to check the others as well. When I heard the word suspicious, I couldn’t help it, worry pulled at me. Did this happen often? Were there cattle rustlers in today’s generation? I felt bad that I was so naive about the workings of this world, but here I am.

Blake must have seen the worry on my face, because he stopped next to me, keeping our horses in check, “Hey, it’s okay. This happens sometimes. Usually it’s just a group of teens that are being stupid and drinking okay?”

I nodded at his assurance… but I’ve learned the hard way that not all is as it seems. I’d have to trust him in his world though because I couldn’t navigate something I didn’t completely understand, although I hope to improve with time.

When we arrived at the gate, Blake let out a string of words that shocked me. (Not because I’ve never heard them before, but because I’ve never heard him utter so much profanity at once.) I looked at the Hunter green gate that looked like it had been hit with a vehicle several times and a sense of unease worked its way up my spine. “Blake do you think we should call the cops?” I asked him. He was still checking out the damage, but he shook his head. “No. I have a security team that does regular checks through here and working cameras. We’ll find the culprit eventually. It just makes me angry when someone destroys another’s property for no reason.”

I couldn’t agree with him more. I watched and listened again as he made another phone call about the gate, requesting help to fix it and to have security check the tapes. It made me sad that someone would set out to hurt this man that did so much for others. I wanted to make everything right, but I didn’t know how to fix cameras or gates. 

I could only be for him, when or if he needed me. He swung his head around so fast, I gasped. “What did you just say?” He demanded to know. 

Crap. Me and my damn mouth.

“I just want to help in any way I can.” I replied to him softly. His eyes were light, but he was staring at me hard. “That’s not what you said, Gwen. Now tell me what you said, so we can get that issue out of the way once and for all.”

I sighed reluctantly. “Do I have to?” He quirked a brow, waiting on my answer. “I just meant I want to be here for you when or if you ever need me, that’s all.”

He took three steps and reached up and pulled me off my horse. Staring down into my eyes, he said, “I’m going to say this now and I’ll probably have to say it a bunch more times before you believe it. But, one day you will get it. I want you and I need you. Do you understand that? And yes Gwen, I know you have 3 children, before you warn me about that.” 

The jerk winked at me. And read my mind.

I sighed heavily, then tried to hug him the way he hugged me, with my entire body. He took that over too, but I was okay with that, given the difference in our height and sizes. He sighed and said, “It looks like rain coming soon, there’s a little cabin to the North of here about a mile. What do you say we have lunch there and see what the weather looks like after that, then we’ll head back. You can call and check on the boys too.”

He knew exactly what I was thinking.

It was exciting and frustrating.

It was a change that I was ready to grab hold of with both hands.

However, before we could do that, I was praying he would let me in, the way I had him. (Of course, with Blake, you didn’t have much choice… he just sort of barreled his way in, wanted or not.) And I wanted, so much.

But I also wanted to know who and what had hurt him in the past.

I considered him mine now and I would go to war to keep him from getting hurt. I would do the same for any of my friends too.

And he was becoming so, so much more than that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake shares some of his past with Gwen.

Disclaimer: I still do not own the characters. This is a fictional story that is the product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 9

The skies were turning dark with the threat of an approaching storm as we slid off our horses. Blake grabbed the heavy saddle bags from his horse, Theo, then beckoned me to follow him inside the cabin that we rode up to. 

I took a moment to look at the house that Blake had labeled a cabin. When he said cabin earlier, I was thinking of a one room shack. This definitely was not that! It looked like a larger style ranch house from a middle class American family, but covered with logs. It was seriously cute. It’s the kind of house I dreamt about raising a family in when I was younger.

I needed to help Blake understand the difference between a house, cabin, and a shack. Because once we stepped through the door, my jaw went slack at everything around me. This was a man cave, for certain. There was masculine furniture everywhere and it was made to fit a man Blake’s size. I was trying to soak everything up at once… there was so much to see! 

And then I looked at the walls in horror.

I automatically took a step back, then whispered to Blake, “Are those real animal heads mounted on the walls?” He turned around and looked at me in surprise, smiling shyly. “Yes, those are all the deer my dad and I hunted through the years together. It’s kind of a time capsule for me to remember him.”

Shit, shit, shit. I was not going to cry.

I wanted him to open up and he was…. Just in a way I didn’t expect. My heart broke a little for him at the loss of his father. I was fortunate to still have mine in this world and I couldn’t imagine it without him. I walked up to one of the displays and studied it, noting that there was engraving under it. Blake’s full name was written on it, followed by the year. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I had fully studied every single one with interest. It was important to me to do this, it was something he shared with his father and I wanted to know this part of him too.

When I finished, I turned to find Blake sitting on a couch, waiting patiently for me to finish. I walked towards him and didn’t hesitate when I climbed into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. I sighed into his chest, “I’m sorry about your dad. I’m sorry I didn’t know him. Was he as amazing as you?” I asked.

Blake laughed lightly. “It’s been a couple of years now, but I think people just learn to cope with the pain of losing someone ya know? I miss him, every single day. When I have a big decision and I wonder what my dad would have done, I come here. This was our hunting cabin. It’s mine now and I use it when some of my buddies come in.”

My heart. It hurt for him so much. I wanted to bring his dad back for him, but I knew he was in a better place than here and watching over Blake. It’s why he came here to be close to his dad, sometimes we just know where our souls are closest to our loved ones. They are built in our memories and love, which I could feel as Blake spoke of his dad.

I realized then that he was hugging me to him. His grip was firm, like he was afraid that I would run away. I wanted to reassure him that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was here to listen as long as he wanted. He sighed heavily into my hair, “We should probably eat, your belly is growling at me.”

I rolled my eyes. But, I was hungry.

“Let’s set lunch out, then you can call the boys. Sound like a plan?” Blake asked me. His mention of my children left me feeling guilty that my mind was so occupied, I hadn’t spared a thought when we first stopped.

“Gwen, I can tell that you are beating yourself up. Stop. Let’s eat It’s going to take time, but things are going to be okay. I promise.” He hugged me, then we went to see about eating and calling to check on the boys.

********

I devoured lunch… which was so unlike me, I was shocked. If I keep eating like this, I wouldn’t be able to fit in my stage costumes. Sighing, I rubbed my neck. Something else to worry about…. Counting calories again. I wanted to complain and shout and scream. However, it’s all part of the entertainment industry for women, sad as it is.

I called and checked on all three boys after lunch. Apollo was napping and Dorothy was having so much fun, I could tell from the excitement in her voice. She called him a ‘ham’ and told me not to worry, they were having a good ole’ time. Checking in on King and Zuma was a bit harder. Endy had to hunt the kids down outside, after telling me how polite the boys were. I felt a little sad that they were growing up so fast, but I was thrilled that they had found new friends to bond with while in Oklahoma. After I thanked Endy for the fifth time, I disconnected the phone and felt so much better about leaving my boys behind for the morning.

Evidently I wasn’t the only one that needed a break… they did too, from me. It was a had to realize that maybe I hovered too much, but after two years, I just wanted to protect them. Logically, I knew that I couldn’t protect them from life… but I could try and keep them safe as long as possible.

Two long, tan arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I tipped my head back and met a solid chest. I smiled up at Blake and held up his phone. “Thank you for letting me use your phone. You were right. The boys are great.”

His dimples popped as he grinned down at me. He released one arm so he could pocket his phone, then pulled me with him to settle into a large recliner. I thought we were going back? I leaned sideways. “What’s going on?” I asked.

“While you were on the phone, I went out to check on the horses. We’ve got a storm right over us and another right behind it. I used the radio and we have a few tornado watches and warnings out. Until both of those blow over, I’m not comfortable with us leaving the cabin.”

OH MY GOD!

I launched off his lap and ran to the door to look outside. It was the middle of the day, but the sky was dark. I heard the angry roll of thunder in the distance. And then the rain started to fall in sheets around me. I stared at the sky in disbelief. How was this happening to me? Tornadoes? Were we going to die?

I’ve never been in a tornado. My boys have never been in a tornado.

My boys!! I turned to run back inside and instead, ran smack into Blake’s chest. When did he come outside? Did he follow me? He probably thought I was crazy. I was… because I wasn’t with my kids during a tornado! What kind of mother was I?

Blake picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, then jogged back inside the cabin. He put me down when we were inside and I blinked, realizing that we were both soaked. Thunder crashed closer to the cabin outside and I jumped, startled. Then I started shivering from the cold clothing. 

I sighed heavily and buried my head in Blake’s chest. “I’m so sorry for running out. I can’t think straight. I’m worried about the boys. And I’m sorry for getting your clothes wet too.”

I added that to the list of things to feel guilty about. I closed my eyes. Suddenly, my soul began to feel as heavy as these wet clothes. I felt the tears run down my cheeks and I suddenly didn’t care anymore if Blake saw me like this.

He needed to see me like this… needed to know what a mess I really was on the best days.

I felt his hand lightly cup my chin and tilt it up. His eyes searched my face, taking in every detail. He didn’t say anything at first, until he saw my lips quivering. I was damn tired of being strong all the time. His serious face softened and he whispered, “Awe, honey. Come here.”

He picked me up, bridal style with my legs draped over his arm and settled us into the recliner, wet clothes and all. “Blake! We’re wet!” I tried to get up. He shushed me, “And the damn chair can be replaced, this moment can’t.”

Then, he held me while I settled down. 

I found safety in his arms and I never wanted to let him go.

********

I was wearing nothing but one of Blake’s tee shirts, panties and a permanent blush because I was absolutely embarrassed to be walking around like this in front of Blake.

Oh, he tried to give me a pair of sweats. But I couldn’t even get them to stay up on my thin frame. We also tried a pair of athletic shorts and I had the same luck. Of course, his shirt fell to my knees. It was probably longer than some of the mini skirts I’ve worn. 

Our clothes were in the dryer. It would be at least an hour before they were ready to go, so we had time to kill. I was hoping to use that time to get to know Blake a little better… but I hadn’t considered that I would be wearing…. This attire.

Blake came into the living room, from putting our clothes and the dryer and he grinned when he saw me wearing his tee. “You look far better in that than I ever did.” I felt myself blush more. I chewed on my lip as I checked out to see what he was wearing. 

Of course he has clothes to fit him. He was in a tee, similar to mine but it fit him far better. His long legs were covered by black sweatpants and he was wearing… were those white socks with crocs? 

I covered my mouth to hide my laugh. I wasn’t sure what to say… but I really, really wanted to laugh at his socks and shoes. The man was freaking adorable. Fashionable… no. He had everything else going for him but that.

And I absolutely loved it.

“We’re gonna be here at least an hour for our clothes to dry and then we need to wait out that second storm. The kitchen is stocked, so we’re good to go for dinner.” Blake pointed to the kitchen as he talked. 

I nodded and curled up on the corner of one of the sofas. I was feeling so much calmer. After I settled down, thanks to Blake’s calming presence, we called both Endy and Dorothy to check in again and let them know about the situation at the cabin. I also talked to the boys again and let them know where I was and asked if they wanted to stay at Endy’s tonight. After joyous whoops came over the speaker of the phone, my nerves were gone. Dorothy was fine with Apollo, she assured me. I’ve seen her with him, so it was easy for me to believe. Also, there was the fact that Apollo’s temperament while in Oklahoma has been much calmer than usual.

Maybe the bus breaking down was a gift to all of us.

I looked at Blake as I thought about that. He didn’t even it. He has no idea how great a human he really is and it breaks my heart. Thinking about breaking hearts, I looked at him again and wondered what kind of woman would break this man’s heart and why. 

“Gwen, did you know when you are wanting to ask me something, that you chew on your lip?” I did? Blake laughed, loudly. “Yes, you do.”

Shit, shit, shit!! There I go again!

I sighed, then grinned sheepishly when I looked at him, “I’ve never had this problem before you… so consider yourself blessed to hear my thoughts.”

His eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed… the sight of that was beautiful. I loved to laugh… and seeing this man laugh as often as he did was a wonderful thing that I wanted and needed to see more of if I could.

Right, back to Blake’s question, because he was currently waiting for an answer from me and I was thinking how to word my inquiry without sounding like a jealous ex-girlfriend. I frowned at that thought too. I’d have to explore that later. Sighing, I stared at my feet as I worked out my phrasing. I was so embarrassed, because I’ve never really had a conversation like this before and certainly not dressed while dressed like I currently was.

“I don’t know how to do this without sounding like I’m prying or something…” I met Blake’s eyes and used my hands to try to explain what I was feeling inside. “I want to know you better… but I know someone hurt you, like I was. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But, when or if you ever do, I’d love to listen.”

Blake’s features softened and he walked towards me, took my hand and led me to another recliner, this one dry. He sat down, then pulled me down into his arms. “Pretty girl, you always worry about saying the wrong thing and offending someone don’t you?”

I sighed, then nodded and looked up at him from where my head was resting against his shoulder. “It’s ingrained in me. I can’t help it. I hate to see someone hurt or upset if I can do something to prevent it.”

His arms tightened around me. “Between us, this is going to stop. Let me tell you why. We can’t constantly tiptoe around each other. We need to be able to communicate easily and openly right?”

Ugh, he was right. I hated that I couldn’t argue any of his points. Rolling my eyes, I said, “You are correct. I just didn’t want to open any old or fresh wounds by asking.”

He looked me deep in my eyes and traced the side of my cheek, the got directly to the heart of the matter. “Are we going to try this?”

I gulped. This. What was this? Friendship? A relationship? Business deal? My brain was melting. I was elated, scared, happy…. All these emotions breaking through at once, I was bouncing back to life because of the man in front of me. I answered the only word that my heart, mind, and body would let me and once I did, I was all in. “Yes.”

He nodded, serious once again as he leaned forward and caught my lips with his. I wasn’t ready. I don’t know if I’d ever be ready for him to kiss me. My brain shut down and I lost myself to the power of his lips on mine.

Lord, the man could kiss. My hands somehow found themselves in his hair again. And somehow, my body had molded itself as close as it could get to his. I’d be embarrassed later. I was more interested in Blake’s lips at the moment.

I was drowning in his kisses.

Then he kissed my nose and got serious again. I wanted to kick him to get him to kiss me again. One of his broad hands were wrapped firmly around my back, holding me in place across his lap, the other was splayed across my thigh, stroking it as he began talking.

“I’ve been divorced for over a year. We were separated a year before that.”  
There was no pain lingering in his voice, just dull resignation. I knew the feeling well. Having a failed marriage myself, I recognized the signs. I didn’t want to distract him from talking, but I wanted to comfort him if I could. I put one hand back into his disheveled curls and rubbed his scalp lightly as he continued to talk.

“She is a country artist too. Opposite schedules, opposing sides of the country. I suppose I’ll tell you the story that didn’t hit the tabloids. Well, bits and pieces of it did in different parts, but not all of it together in one publication.”

The tabloids… the bane of an artist’s existence. They were always following the boys and I, trying to snap pictures, shoving cameras in our faces. So I could also relate to the annoyance that the stress they could put on someone.

He sighed and continued, “We were only married for about 4 years when I flew from California to surprise her at one of her concerts. I rented a car and drove from the airport to the venue. I arrived about an hour or so I guess after her bus did. I was getting ready to get out of the car when I saw her get off her bus, with her driver following close behind.”

Oh no… I had an idea where this was going and I hated that I asked him to experience the pain all over again by talking about it.

Shaking his head, he snorted. “It was like watching a bad accident happen over and over again. I wanted to look away, but couldn’t. She was my wife, so why were his hands all over her and why was she kissing him?

I closed my eyes. I knew the betrayal of being cheated on. It made me feel like a worthless human being to the point I wasn’t even comfortable in my own skin. God, the audacity that someone had cheated on this man made me want to scream at the sky and ask why. 

He took a deep breath, returning to his story. “It turns out she had been sleeping with him for over a year. Before that, there was someone else and I was a fool. I threw her shit out and changed my phone number. And well, you know the rest. There hasn’t been anyone since her. All anyone sees when they look at me is a checkbook.”

I choked with laughter, then blushed. That was such a Blake statement, I couldn’t help it. 

He smiled at me, then shrugged. “It’s true. It’s a hard world out there for a man out there like me…. This hotness, you know.”

Then he rolled his eyes and I really lost it. I laughed until I cried.

Leave it to Blake to take a painful story and make light of it, when I know it was anything but that. I’m glad he could turn around and laugh though, because that meant he wasn’t stuck in the past like I was.

There was hope for both of us… lots of hope.

I slid my hand up his jaw and tilted my head up to meet his waiting lips. 

Sweet, sweet salvation. I sighed as I settled in. I planned to be in this very spot for a while and I planned on kissing this man of mine for a while.

Man of mine…. I absolutely loved the way that the words rolled through my mind.

Blake pulled back a moment and stared back at me, his eyes serious. I stared right back, feeling my emotions swell inside me. I was feeling so much. It’s like everything had been dammed up and he released a tidal wave in the past couple days.

Some of the emotions I was experiencing I have never felt before, not in my marriage and not with my other relationship. I didn’t know how to define what I was feeling except for alive and euphoric. 

Sweet Jesus, I sounded like a drug dealer using those words… but those were the best words to describe this thing I was feeling. What kind of words did drug dealers use?

Blake laughed. His body shook under mine. I glanced at him from under my lashes, suspicious. “Were you eavesdropping on my thoughts Mr. Shelton?” I asked him.

He grinned widely, both dimples popping and eyes sparkling. “It’s hard to eavesdrop on something that you are practically shouting.” Then the jerk had the nerve to laugh again.

“I don’t have any control of my brain with you.” I told him. He sat back with a cocky grin on his face that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss off or knock off. The struggle was real, because he was in full control of himself and I was sitting there making a fool out of myself like a born again virgin with three children.

I didn’t know how to do this. How to flirt… entice, tease, be wanted. I was always the tomboy.

“Believe me Pretty Girl, you are anything but a tomboy to me. And you don’t need to know how to do anything, just be here with me.” Blake murmured in my ear.

I gave up on trying to disconnect my brain from my mouth. I’d try that again tomorrow. 

I snuggled down into the chair and even closer to him and the lights overhead flickered. A huge roll of thunder, then a strike of lightning followed and the lights suddenly went out. I blinked in the darkness. Somehow, I didn’t think this was a part of our plans.

And then I heard it, the weather alert from a radio nearby warning residents to take cover because of a tornado sighting and a listing of counties. Since I had no idea what county I was in at the moment, I looked at Blake for help.

I had zero idea what to do in a tornado but go to an interior room and cover your head, unless you had a basement. That’s all I could recall from school. I made a mental note to brush up on storm safety since I planned to spend more time in Oklahoma.

Blake chuckled lightly, then boosted us up out of the chair. He continued to carry me, even though I could walk. I’ll be honest, I like it a lot. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I looked up at him, I asked, “Where are we going Cowboy?”

“The basement.” He replied. I shivered. A mental images of spiders and cobwebs came to mind. “Is it cold down there?” I asked. He laughed again. “I guarantee you’ll be warm Gwen, it’s furnished. Plus, it’s where my bedroom is.”

Holy cow.

Shit just got real.

We were in the middle of a tornado and I was heading to Blake’s bedroom at the same time.

I was beginning to think we were magic together, with a side of chaos.

I said a silent prayer as Blake walked down the stairs.

One for our safety and the other for my heart.

It was his now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen spend some time in the basement.
> 
> *Warnings for Smut*

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that is the product of my overactive imagination.

Warnings: This chapter contains smut...if you don’t like that, maybe just skip it. -K

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 10

Somewhere during all the talking and losing electricity, I forgot I was only wearing a tee and panties. I could feel my shirt (rather, Blake’s) riding up my back as he carried me in his arms and down the stairs. Feeling his arm on my naked skin made me shiver even more against his chest and it wasn’t from the cold this time.

Did I know what I was doing? Was I doing the right thing? This wasn’t something I’ve done before… not like this. I couldn’t help the questions that were filtering through my mind. Years of practicing Catholicism and being raised in a strict household had given me a strong moral fiber. It was something that I was proud of and embraced, instead of shunning it like many others in the industry did. 

However, something told me that this moment and what was to follow was not to be grouped with anything that I’ve ever experienced before. This man had bared his soul to me upstairs, stripped himself so I could see that I wasn’t the only one walking with wounds from the past. We were both vulnerable.

I had zero doubts and one thing I was definitely certain of is that everything inside of me was screaming with need for this man… now. I felt like I had waited an eternity for him and I suppose in some ways, I have. Both of us have seemed to be waiting for each other.

Firm with my decision and exactly what I wanted, I took the opportunity to study Blake as he carried me to his bedroom in the dark. There was no question about how much time he spent here because he navigated the stairs, in the dark, like a pro. 

Once we were in the basement, I blinked, hoping my vision would adjust so I could see some of the rooms. It was pitch black. Blake made a right and walked through a doorway. Then I felt myself slowly lowered to something soft. I put my hand down and it felt like a bed.

Oh yes, it was a bed and it felt like an awesomely big bed.

Blake leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead, then murmured, “I’m going right across the hall to the bathroom to get some candles that I keep down here for when the electricity goes off. Stay here, I don’t want you tripping over anything. I’ll be right back.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I had zero idea where anything was, even though my eyes were slowly beginning to adjust, I could only make out heavy shadows. I laid back on the bed and would have stared at the ceiling if I could have seen it. 

The longer I laid there, my nerves started to creep in and the voice of doubt began to work on me. What if he didn’t like what he saw? Was I too boney? Too fat? And I had a cesarean scar from my pregnancies… there’s nothing beautiful about that. My ex-husband was turned off by my body after each child was born, no matter how hard I worked to get back to my previous size. Logically, I knew Blake wasn’t that shallow… but I didn’t know if he’d ever been with a woman that had given birth before and I was starting to worry that maybe I should have talked to him about my scar so he wasn’t shocked.

I would be absolutely mortified if he was sickened by my body. Did I shave my legs? I reached down to check and sighed with relief. Well that was one worry alleviated. And I’ve breastfed each of my babies, so my breasts aren’t perfect like most in the industry… why didn’t I think of all this stuff before?

I guess this is why guys don’t normally date women that have children. Do our bodies turn them off that much? I’d have to ask some of my friends, because I was honestly curious.

I was working on my mental list with my body when Blake walked back into the room. It looked like his hands were full and arms loaded with objects. That was a lot of candles!! I started to get up to see if I could help him and he said, “Stay put Pretty Girl, I got this.”

I was trying to gauge how much of me he could see with that many candles… but I wanted to see all of him, so I really wanted all the candles. Maybe he would just leave my shirt on? Blake was fast at setting up and light candles… that or I was so lost in thought, I didn’t realize how long it really was.

The next thing I knew, he was taking off his crocs (rolling my eyes here) and socks, then laid down on the bed with me and pulled me to lay across his chest. What was this? He chuckled and his chest vibrated under my head. I grinned at the feeling. I stared up at him, rather what I could see of him. “What’s so funny?” I asked him.

“You have yourself worked up for no reason. So we’re going to lie here, cuddle, discuss what has you shaking like a leaf and so anxious.” He replied.

I sighed dramatically. Of course he would pick up on my unease. The man could probably stick his finger in the air and tell me the time, temperature, and which way the wind was blowing. I wanted to kick him for cornering me about my emotions and I wanted to kiss him for pushing me to talk about them.

Do you see the dilemma here?

“Do I have to talk about it?” I asked him with a dramatic air.

“Did we decide we are going to do us?” He asked me softly, playing with the ends of my hair.

And there he goes making sense. Logical. I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts… which was virtually impossible around Blake. And with the candles in the room, we had a beautiful glow surrounding us, so I couldn’t even from my emotions in the dark here.

Cowgirl up… or whatever.

“It’s probably going to sound stupid to you…” I started.

“Okay, stop right there.” He turned on his side so he could look into my eyes. “Nothing we talk about is ever stupid, especially if we are dealing with the garbage from our past. You can talk to me about anything. Aren’t those the same words you said to me earlier?”

My heart turned over and I positively melted. I NEEDED to hear those words desperately, so much.

“I’m insecure. I guess like most women after they have a baby.” I said.

He blinked and then looked confused, “Exactly what are you confused about Gwen?”

I wanted to groan. He really was going to make me explain it. I sighed. “I’ve got a cesarean scar. I’ve breastfed my babies. And I don’t know, what if I’m not what you’re looking for?”

He stared at me in shock. “Are you serious right now?”

I nodded, rubbing my hand against my thing because I was nervous.

He looked at the ceiling and muttered something I didn’t catch, then looked at me again. “Please listen to me and listen well, but I’ll be happy to repeat it anytime you need reminded. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, no question. The fact that you’ve had children is even more beautiful to me, Gwen. And I’m not only talking about physical beauty. You have it all. It baffles me that a man could willingly walk away from you. I can promise you something, right here and right now. This man will not be walking away unless you make me.”

His words brought tears to my eyes and my insecurities with my body settled. I swung one leg over his hip and used my other my leg to push myself until I straddled his waist. I looked down at him with tears running down my face. He reached up and took my cheek in his hand. I tilted my head and placed a kiss inside his palm. Then I leaned down and kissed him with everything I had.

The kiss was soft and tentative at first. I explored his lips, then moved up the side of his face. I placed a kiss near his ear, lightly breathing and nipping the lobe as I moved to kiss his neck. In the span of about 3 seconds, I heard a growl and suddenly our positions were reversed.

I was flat on my back with a very, very hot and turned on Blake lying over me. I wanted… a lot. I tunneled my hands in his hair and tried to bring his lips back to mine. He wasn’t having it. He pulled me until I sat up and before I could blink, my tee was gone and I was left in nothing but my panties.

Ho-ly shit.

That was hot. I was hot. He was hot. Was I on fire? Lord, have mercy…. I needed…

And it wasn’t the Lord, but he answered my prayer.

Pushing me gently back down on the bed, I watched with longing as Blake pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it to join mine… somewhere. Then, we were chest to chest, naked. He latched onto my lips like he was dying from thirst and hadn’t had a drink for days. Let me tell you, I was discovering I was parched too… for him.

And goodness the man could kiss… I felt drugged from his lips alone. His tongue tangled with mine and I felt other parts of me wake up. I groaned with pure need. My hands were lost in curls and our chests were rubbing together as we continued to make out.

I started to move my legs to tangle with his, hoping to angle myself where I needed him most. I lost my shyness with this man. I was done… I was his...so, so his. Oh my God, his lips moved down to my neck, pressing kisses as he went and I couldn’t stay still.

It felt so divine.

Until his lips latched onto my left nipple and suckled. I shrieked in surprise and had my first orgasm in at least two years. I was riding a high from the orgasm when he switched to the right breast, giving it the same attention the left received. Emotion was flooding through me. I was feeling everything, everywhere. I was so incredibly sensitive, coming down from the orgasm.

Blake was nowhere near finished.

I blinked. Surely he wouldn’t…. I’ve never… my ex had never…

Oh, but he did. He stripped my panties off like they were a trophy of war, then tossed them. Using his broad shoulders to push my legs apart, he made himself comfortable and went to work. At the first touch of his tongue, my eyes widened. After the second, I groaned and fisted my hands back into his curls and pulled him closer to me.

I had no concept of time, but another orgasm swept through me quickly. This one was even more powerful than the first. I sat up and yelled, “Enough! I need you!”

Blake looked up and gave me the laziest grin I have ever seen. It was also cocky. I was going to let it slide because the man earned it. 

Ho-ly Cow.

Of course he would move as slow as possible because I was absolutely impatient. I was ready to throw him on the bed… like I could. 

I was about to become very bossy though. I eyed him with satisfaction. This man was mine.

He was smiling when he stripped down to his boxers. I quirked a brow at him, “Get rid of those too please.”

Who was this person inside of me that was so brazen? I didn’t know her!! 

He kept his eyes on me while he took his boxers off, like he was daring me to watch. I swallowed, then looked him over head to toe.

Ohhhh.

So, I might not be able to get back on the horse when we head back…. But I’d take that risk.

Blake threw his head back and laughed. I blushed. “Hey buddy, stop eavesdropping on my thoughts. I can’t help it they slip out around you.”

Grinning, he climbed back into bed and caught me around the waist. “I love it when you share your innermost thoughts without meaning to, especially that last one.”

I snorted. Of course he did. 

I was going to check out my gift up close, but he stopped me. “Not this time. I barely have any control with you Gwen.”  
Most women would be turned off by a comment like that. Not me. It told me volumes about how he saw me physically and while my insecurities were quiet right now, I loved the idea that he barely had any control because of me.

We were both on our sides, staring at each other. His blue eyes were so serious. I leaned up and kissed him. He groaned and rolled me over to my back. 

We were in another makeout fest and it was hot… hotter than the first. He was panting, but he stopped and asked me, “Are you sure? There’s no going back once we do this. I want more than just this, even though it’s been a whirlwind. Make sure Gwen.”

Was he crazy?

I was going to jump on him if he didn’t hurry up. I was ready to combust. I appreciated him taking care of me first, but I wouldn’t even be in this bed without clothing if I wasn’t certain. I nodded my agreement frantically, letting him know that I was all in.

Before I could do anything else, he was seated full inside of me.

Ohhhhh….. Myyyyy….. 

My eyes rolled back. I was small and he was blessed...so I was feeling his everywhere and I absolutely loved each movement. His large arms were on each side of me, his hands holding each of mine beside my head as he moved in and out of me. Our eyes were locked.

I’ve never done anything like this before, ever.

In two previous relationships, one of them a marriage, I’d never made love…. Because evidently that’s what this is what making love felt like or touching souls…. 

I don’t know. All I know is that my soul felt like it was singing and touching his.

I felt something building and it was big… It was deep. I was panting. Blake’s breathing wasn’t much better than mine. My grip on his hands tightened, because whatever I felt coming was almost here and…. 

“Yes, Pretty girl, yes!! Ride it with me!!” and then Blake pumped twice more into me and went still as I yelled, “Oh my God!” loudly. 

Ho-ly shit.

What was that? I’ve never in my life had an orgasm like that and never during sex. 

I was limp. I couldn’t move if I wanted to and trust me, I didn’t want to go anywhere.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Blake rolled off of me, then pulled me into his arms.

We were both coming down from the euphoric high of mutual orgasms. Me? It was going to be a little while before I recovered from the best sex of my life.

Blake chuckled next to me. I sighed, my fingers drawing circles on his chest. “Let me guess, you heard my mental rambling again?”

“To be fair, I’ll share some of my thoughts. That was the best sex in my life too and no, I’m not just saying that.” Blake said. He resumed playing with my hair.

“I’m scared.” I blurted out. 

Where the hell did THAT come from? What kind of pillow talk is that? And geez Gwen, way to keep things light after sex.

He surprised me, like he’s managed to do so many times since I broke down in Oklahoma. He stopped playing with my hair and adjusted my face so he could see my eyes. “I am too. Both of us have our fair share of baggage. We’re human Gwen. That’s why we are going to have to make an extra effort to communicate.”

And there he goes making sense again. He was like my opposite in everything… country to my pop, blue eyes to my brown, country to my city…. But we just clicked.

I wanted him to meet my parents. I smacked myself in the forehead. Why was I thinking about that while we were naked?

“You want to share why you are beating yourself up?” Blake asked, with barely disguised humor in his voice.

I rolled my eyes, though I was pretty sure he couldn’t see that. “You mean I didn’t blurt that thought out for you to hear? That’s a minor miracle!”

He laughed. I decided to go ahead and share, naked or not. “I was thinking that I would like it if you would meet my parents soon.”

He continued to play with my hair and his chest vibrated with more chuckles. “I see why you were beating yourself up now.” I smacked him in the leg. The jerk. Settling down, he didn’t miss a beat, “I’d be honored. Whenever you want me to meet them, that’s great.”

Should I share about the large Italian family now or later?

I’d save that information for another time. Sometimes it’s best to break the news gently.

I grinned at the thought of Blake attending one of our numerous birthday parties. My family is full of nuts, so he would fit right in. I was excited about introducing him to everyone… but not naked.

Speaking of naked….

I didn’t know how long we had alone together, but I planned to make the most of it.

Blake was looking at me like he had the same idea.

It looked like neither of us would be riding our horses back to the ranch when it was time to return.

I couldn’t wait to find out what excuse he used.

Until then, I had a man to claim.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen head back to civilization.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. This is a fictional story that is the product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 11

I woke up and had no idea what time it was.

This was a common problem for me in Oklahoma.

I was still in the basement, in Blake’s bedroom and I was naked as the day I was born. I was lying on my side and I had a very large man settled against my back, his long arm draped across my waist. 

I wasn’t certain I’ve ever slept this close to another human before, naked. During my marriage, my ex wasn’t interested in any sort of post-coital cuddling. So this cuddling while naked and then falling asleep idea was totally new for me… and I really, really loved it.

Like super loved it. 

I could have stayed there forever, but my bladder was demanding me to acknowledge its presence and I needed to check on the boys. Plus, was there still a house outside? 

I’d been so wrapped up in Blake that a tornado could have taken the house and I’m not sure I would have noticed, as long as it left the basement. In fact, I can’t even recall hearing any thunder or rain… not that I was paying attention to any of that. 

Sighing, I eased out from under Blake’s arm and tried to roll quietly off the bed. I had the right idea, but I mis-judged the amount of space because I rolled right off the bed into the floor. I hit the carpet with a surprised, “Oh!”

That was going to bruise… but I was going to have a few others, in some different spots that were so worth it, I’d just consider it collateral damage.

I was attempting to get to my feet, which were not wanting to cooperate. (To be honest, I felt drunk.) A husky voice cut through the silence, “What are you doing down there Goldilocks?” 

I furrowed my brow at the nickname. Goldilocks? Rolling my eyes, I sighed, “I thought I’d go to the bathroom and let you sleep, but the floor moved.”

Blake laughed, hard. What did I just say? The floor moved. Lord. I’ve lost all sense. He’s sexed it out of me. 

Ho-ly Crap. 

I wasn’t making any sort of sense with anything. Did I hit my head when I rolled off the bed? That would make sense why I couldn’t form a coherent thought at the moment. 

I was busy trying to assure myself that my brain damage was temporary when Blake scooped me off the floor, into his arms. I squeaked in surprise. I wasn’t expecting him to do that, but I should have. “What are you doing?” I asked him. 

The candles were still lit, but not near as bright as earlier. He winked at me and adjusted me, “Giving you and your fawn legs a hand.”

This man…. Totally gets me without explanation. 

What did I do to deserve him?

He put me on my feet in the doorway of the bathroom and flipped the light switch. Surprisingly, it came on. A soft glow beckoned me to do my thing, but I was really staring at the impressive shower stall. It looked heavenly. I wonder if Blake felt like a shower? I’d think on that…

A few minutes later, I left feeling so much better. He was leaning against the wall, waiting for me...or waiting for his turn? I didn’t know. I’m not good at any of this stuff. I had so much to learn and I was awkward at best. 

I saw he was dressed in his sweats. And here I was, walking around with nothing. I felt a blush creeping up my body. Geez, he was going to think I was a part-time nudist! I didn’t meet his eyes, instead choosing to search the room for the shirt and my panties. Maybe I would be less awkward if I was partially dressed…

I was turned away from him, looking desperately for my clothing when I felt his hands on my waist, turning me towards him. He pulled me closer and stared deep into my eyes. I sighed as I relaxed, getting lost into the twin pools of blue. “There you are.” he said softly. 

Huh?

“You look like you’re starting to overthink this. So, let me help. We’re not always going to have things easy. But this, here, this is easy. Us together like this, is easy. Outside the bedroom isn’t always going to be easy.” He said, hugging me to his chest.

I clutched him tightly and I didn’t want to let go, but he was right. I looked up at him, “Anyone ever tell you that it’s annoying when you are right all the time?”

His grin was devilish. The dimples simply added to the allure.

“I don’t know about right all the time… but I’m right about this, about us. I’ve never been more sure of anything.” He gestured in the minute space between us.

I smiled. “You have a deal. I’ll do my best not to overthink when we’re together like this… on one condition.”

He quirked a brow in surprise, “I’m all ears and well, yours.”

Yes, he was. I bit my lip, deciding how to phrase my condition. I went for it. I tilted my head towards the bathroom and saw his eyes follow with confusion. “You have a huge shower in there, room for two… I’ve never taken a shower with a man… my man. Want to wash my back?” I asked him.

He blinked. He looked at me, first with surprise, then with elation. The next thing I knew, Blake had hoisted me over his shoulder and was walking towards the bathroom.

He slammed the door with his foot.

He was a man on a mission and I was a happy, happy woman.

********

I stood outside the cabin and stared around in shock.

I was astonished at the change in the landscape before me. Oh, the Oklahoma skies were beautiful once again, but there were trees down everywhere. Shingles from the roof of the cabin were even littering the area. Otherwise, things were relatively calm.

It disappeared as fast as it appeared. It amazed me.

Blake was checking the horses, which were lodged in the stables behind the cabin. (I didn’t even realize there were stables.) I had called to check in on all three kids while he went to see about the animals. The tornadoes didn’t touch down anywhere near town, so the kids were happy and safe. King and Zuma, enjoying their time at Endy’s house and Apollo was fast asleep in Dorothy’s arms when I talked to her.

My heart turned over with the affection his family had shown both me and my children. I shouldn’t be surprised though, considering the type of man that Blake was proving to be.

Blake appeared around the corner of the cabin, leading the horses. I chewed on my lips, wondering if I was even going to be able to mount the horse after our acrobatics in the bedroom and then again in the shower. I blushed just thinking about it.

Ho-ly Christ… I had no idea what I had been missing out on in life… zero idea!

As Blake approached, I began to fidget. I eyed the horse, then him with trepidation. He was grinning, the jerk. I’m sure he could run and leap, then ride bareback for 50 miles with no difficulty. And here I am, wondering how I’m going to lift my leg 12 inches off the ground without my thighs screaming for mercy.

“Are we all set?” He asked me. If you considered I was dressed, yes. If I was ready to get on that damn horse, hell no. I side eyed him, “How far did you say it was to walk?”

His grin broadened and I wanted to kick that smugness off his face. This was all his fault. Okay, it was mine too… but if he wasn’t so, well… blessed, I’d probably be able to ride the horse. Instead, I rode him like a horse and didn’t think about the actual animal.

Blake barked out a laugh so loud I jumped. I narrowed my eyes at him. Oh no he didn’t… I glared, “Did you just hear that rambling thought?”

Still laughing, he said, “You mean the part where you rode me like a horse?”

Shit, shit, shit.

I looked up at the sky and prayed for a filter and maybe some divine intervention to help us back to civilization, that didn’t involve riding anything horse related. I wasn’t hopeful for either.

I could do this. I was Gwen fucking Stefani. 

I walked towards the poor creature I’d been cursing in my mind and prepared to put my foot in the stirrup. That was until I raised my foot about 12 inches off the ground and everything in my leg and a few other areas screamed at me. I mean, screamed. I groaned.

Dammit.

I sighed and looked at Blake, who was still smiling. “You broke me.” I told him, with my hands on my hips.

Those dimples deepened as he chuckled, “You’re not broken, trust me. You’re anything but broken. It’s just going to be a little while before you get back in the saddle again.”

It took me a second to catch the joke, then my mouth fell open. Well…. I couldn’t freaking argue with logic.

I watched as he mounted his horse, then motioned for me to come closer. I stood next to him and he reached down and hauled me up with him on his horse. I was sitting across his lap. My horse was tied to walk behind his. Why didn’t I notice that before.

I was so grateful, I wanted to cry in relief. Instead, I looked at him with disbelief, “Was this your plan all along?”

“Yep,” he replied, chuckling. I rolled my eyes and hmphed. Prompting the horse into a slow walk, he said, “I would have told you if you asked, but it was kinda cute watching you attempt to mount the mare just now.”

Of all the things to find amusing… I shook my head. 

What a chaotic mess we were.

********

We pulled up outside of Dorothy’s house and I felt like I had been gone weeks instead of all day. Blake and I were picking Apollo up, but the big boys were very vocal about wanting to stay the night with Endy tonight, especially since it was our last night in Oklahoma before leaving for the last leg of our tour. Dorothy offered to keep Apollo too, but I hadn’t been separated from him for longer than the length of a show since I’d given birth to him. 

Blake shut off the truck and glanced over at me, I was grinning. I couldn’t help it. I felt like a new woman. I was super relaxed and so happy that I felt like sharing my happiness with everyone around me. “You look like you’re about to vibrate off that seat Pretty Girl.”

I shrugged sheepishly. I couldn’t contain my excitement. It was like I was seeing everything in color for the first time and it was because of the man next to me and his patience and well, other stuff too. “I can’t help it. I’m excited to see Apollo. I want to see your mom. And I really just want to thank her.”

I really did want to thank her… for so much. The list wasn’t really long. I was grateful she was willing to watch Apollo for me so I could enjoy today. (Enjoy is the safest word to use… but I did a lot more than enjoy the day.) I was so grateful for the way she opened her heart and home to both me and my children without question. Mostly, I wanted to thank her for raising the fine man next to me… Blake… my Blakey. 

The nickname rolled off my tongue and I loved it. I’d try it out later. I couldn’t wait to see his expression either. I had acquired a growing list of pet names he called me, but my favorite by far was Pretty Girl.

Blake shook his head at my rambling, then hopped out and rounded the truck. He opened my door and lifted me down. I sighed with resignation. “Am I always going to require help getting in and out of this monstrosity?” His eyes were dancing with mirth, “Unless you are going to sprout a few more inches, probably so.”

Dammit.

He closed the door and we held hands on our way up to the door. I was going to knock when he quirked a brow, “What are you doing?” he whispered. Stunned, I shrugged, “Knocking on the door?” He laughed, quick and loud, “Welcome to Oklahoma. Plus we’re at my mama’s house.” And he walked right on in and bellowed.

Yes, bellowed.

“Ma! We’re back!” Blake yelled.

Good grief. Everyone in the neighborhood would know we were back, when they didn’t even know we were gone in the first place. Dorothy walked into the living room from the kitchen, Apollo on her hip, smiling.

She glanced at our joined hands, then looked at both of us with a smile. “Well, I thought I heard you two come in! Are you hungry? Thirsty? This little guy just finished eating.”

And Apollo giggled… I was awestruck. Dorothy looked down at him and grinned, “You aren’t telling your mama our secrets are ya Apollo?” His baby hands tried to clap, but didn’t quite succeed. I was astonished at the change in his temperament since we’d arrived, but this was another change. He absolutely loved Blake’s family.  
I realized I was standing there gawking and I felt stupid. “I’m so sorry Dorothy! I don’t mean to stand and stare! I’ve never seen him act this way and it’s a relief to be honest.”

She waved my hand away and smiled at me. “I understand honey. I had three children too. We only want the best for them and we always worry about them… even when they are grown. Isn’t that right son?” She finished, staring at Blake with a satisfied smile.

His attempt to roll his eyes failed because there was a little boy that had spotted him and was more interested in Blake than Dorothy. Chuckling at Apollo’s antics, Blake nodded at his mom, “Yes, ma'am. How about I take this little guy and we go check out the chickens?”

Chickens? Dorothy had chickens too? Did everyone in Oklahoma have chickens? Maybe I should think about getting the boys a couple of chickens when we were settled…

I watched as they left the room. My heart was so full. 

The door shut and I turned my gaze back to Dorothy with a smile. “Thank you so much for watching Apollo today. I'm so grateful for the time away. I didn’t know I needed it so much.”

Dorothy walked towards me and the next thing I knew, I was in another hug. I wasn’t startled this time. In fact, I returned it happily. She kept her arm around me and guided me towards the kitchen as she talked, “As a mom, I can understand the need for alone time. As a woman, I can understand what you’ve been through also.”

I looked at the floor because I didn’t want to cry. These people were just amazing. It’s like their hearts were open all the time. Dorothy guided me to the kitchen table and set a cup of hot tea in front of me. I looked up in surprise. She winked, (so that’s where Blake inherited from) and said, “I figured that caffeine might be something you avoid when you can.”

These people...my man…. My heart. I was going down in flames.

Dorothy joined me at the table with a cup of coffee. “I’m not a mom that gets involved in her children’s relationships.” She said as she stirred sugar in her coffee. “That said, if you don’t mind, if we talk for a few minutes?”

I wanted nothing more. I wanted to know anything and everything. I wanted to offer her reassurance and gratitude. 

“I would love that.” I said. And I meant it. Dorothy was easy to talk to and she had welcomed me from the first moment she met me.

“I’m sure you and Blake have talked about things or you wouldn’t have walked in together. At least, I’m assuming you’re together?” She asked tentatively. I gave her a small smile and nodded, “Yes. And he told me about what happened with his divorce, what led up to it. I’m so sorry he had to go through that. I know what the pain of that type of betrayal feels like.”

She covered my hand. “I’m sorry Gwen. I shouldn’t have asked.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s okay. Blake and I are going to have to talk about things with each other and our families if we want this to work and I want that more than anything.”

Dorothy gave me a blinding smile, then said, “Well, that’s settled then. Which family is hosting Thanksgiving this year, yours our ours?”

Huh?

Dorothy laughed and sat back in her chair. “I think you two will be very good for each other. And I have to tell you that I absolutely adore your children Gwen. You’ve done such a good job with them!”

Oh wow… That was one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received. I always receive accolades about my singing or my looks, but not too many people are in a position to judge my job as a mother. For me, it was my most important job. 

I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over because of the sincerity of Dorothy’s compliment and managed to whisper, “Thank you.”

I tried to give my children a stable home. That didn’t work out, so I tried to give them as much stability in a parent as I could. I didn’t realize the toll it had taken on me emotionally until I was out with Blake today and had some of that much needed alone time that Dorothy spoke about. But, now that I was much more aware of things, I made a silent promise to myself and my kids to find a healthy balance for all of us, including Blake.

Dorothy stood up and took her cup to the sink, I followed her with mine. She grasped my shoulders gently, and asked, “Now, what is next on the agenda for all of you?”

Smiling, I said, “I have a show tomorrow night in Texas. We are flying out in the morning. Blake is joining us on the last leg of the tour. After it’s complete, we’re coming back to Oklahoma for a few weeks.”

She clapped her hands like a kid, “How exciting!! I can’t wait until Blake tells me all about his first concert!”

The mental image made me laugh loudly… A fanboy he was not. I could see him entertaining the boys more than I could rocking out to my songs. 

A huge booming voice announced that Blake and Apollo were back inside. I grinned when I saw them round the corner. Blake had him draped over his arm, so he could see where he was going as they walked. 

There were my guys. Two of the four of them anyways.

We’d pick up the other two from Endy’s house tomorrow morning on our way out of town. Just the thought of leaving this peaceful place left me sad.

Blake looked at me curiously, “You ready to go Shortie?” Shortie? I snorted and shook my head at him, “Whenever you are. Dorothy, thank you again and we’ll see you soon.” 

I hugged her this time.

She watched us walk out with a smile on her face. 

Blake was carrying Apollo in one arm and holding my hand with the other.

No, I didn’t want to leave Oklahoma tomorrow.

I’d found more than peace here and I selfishly wanted more time.

But duty called and that’s one thing I did understand, when called, you answered.

However, I was entering the last leg of my tour on different terms this time and he was walking confidently beside me. I felt like I could conquer just about anything with him beside me. Is that how this is supposed to feel?

Time would tell and it was ticking away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen, with the boys, arrive at the venue. They are surprised by family.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that is a product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 12

The airplane landed with ease.

I glanced out the window, noting the size of the hub of where we landed. Feeling extremely thankful that we wouldn’t have to deal with a large, bustling airport. I wanted to bask in this peace a little longer.

Blake was sitting across from me, watching me with interest. Apollo was fast asleep in his arms, where he had been since we flew out of Oklahoma. King and Zuma were playing cards, a new interest, across the aisle.

Hugh had stayed behind in Oklahoma to oversee attend to the bus once it was road worthy. It was just the five of us landing in Texas and after discussing it, we decided to just rent a vehicle to drive to the venue instead of trying to find someone from my crew to pick us up.

Blake had arranged everything. I wasn’t even surprised to wake up this morning and already find the truck loaded and ready. I didn’t even blink. In fact, to thank him for his efforts, I stood on my toes and kissed him for a solid 5 minutes in the kitchen until we were both breathless.

Thank you to the clock on the wall for finally giving me a general idea of the time.

So imagine my lack of surprise to find that when we landed to find a Lincoln Navigator waiting for us to arrive. I smiled as I walked down the steps of the plane, then grimaced when I noted the heat. 

Lord. 

I wasn’t going to need the light jacket I was wearing for long. I took Apollo from Blake so he could assist in moving all our luggage over to the Navigator. I rounded up the boys and made sure they had all their belongings from the plane and directed them to the SUV. 

Noting the car seat was already installed in the middle, I settled Apollo first, then King and Zuma got in each side. I tried to help Blake with the rest of his baggage, but Blake flashed me a grin and pointed back to the SUV. Rolling my eyes, but smiling, I actually hopped in the front seat and relaxed.

I had a few precious moments of privacy left with my guys, I was going to enjoy it.

********

Blake pulled up to the venue, as close as he could get to the crew vehicles. I sighed as I looked at all the vehicles. At one time, I was so excited to do this work. It was my passion. I loved singing and I loved my fans. But I lost something along the way… it was like having my life blow up in my face robbed me of everything I found joy in.

No more. 

I was finding my way back. My way back to her… the person I was before broken dreams and shattered illusions became my life. This time, I wanted to be a better person, stronger and more present. 

And something was burning inside me, something I haven’t felt in a very long time…. A need to create and write. I wanted to let it fester, so that when I decided to pick up a pen, the words would come pouring out.

A security guard made his way to our vehicle and knocked on Blake’s window. What in the world? We were back with the band… 

Blake rolled down the window and asked, “Can I help you?”

The security guard pulled up his belt, then kept one hand on it and he looked at Blake, over at me, then glanced at the back of the vehicle to see the boys. “I’m sorry. Y’all can’t be back here. We’re setting up for a concert tonight.”

He was joking right? The guy looked right at me! 

I waved my hand in the air. “Hello! Hi! I’m sorry. I don’t know your name. But we have to be back here. There won’t be a concert tonight if I’m not back here.”

The guard’s eyes narrowed with speculation as he stared at me like I was lying. I sighed and asked him, “Would you like me to call a member of my band to verify what I’m saying or would identification work?”

Upon hearing that question, the guard’s eyes widened and he displayed a hint of embarrassment. “I have to verify ma’am, I’m sorry. The identification is fine. And mister, do you have id too?”

It took everything I had not to laugh because he didn’t recognize Blake. Even I recognized Blake eventually and country music wasn’t my genre of music. Blake laughed and answered, “Sure buddy, I’m always happy to make sure the rules are followed.”

I couldn’t believe Blake. I was listening to his asking questions and talking to the guard while I dug in the purse/diaper bag for my wallet. I was willing to bet by the time we were finished with the identification process, Blake would be on a first name basis with the guard. Chuckling at my own thoughts, I fished out my id and passed it to Blake to give to the guard.

“Here ya go, Bill,” Blake said with a genuine smile on his face.

Called it. This man… no wonder my heart was drawn to him. He was the purest, most honest human I think I’ve ever encountered to date and it was beyond refreshing.

The security guard’s cheeks were bright red with embarrassment when he passed Blake back both id cards. He bowed his head, like he was somehow subservient to us and my heart broke a little watching the display. I suddenly felt ashamed of my behavior, although it wasn’t bad… but did I act entitled or like a diva? I didn’t think so…

I couldn’t leave this with this man bowing his head like I was somehow above him. The thought churned my stomach. “Umm, Bill?” His hesitant gaze met mine. I smiled softly. “Thank you so much for watching this lot so carefully and ensuring the safety of all those under my care, I really appreciate it.”

He blinked and looked positively shocked at my words. Did I say something wrong?

“Thank you so much Ms. Stefani,” Bill replied hastily. He stepped back and waved us ahead.

I still didn’t feel right. I looked to Blake for help, not sure what else to do. He met my eyes and smiled, like he could read my thoughts. Hell, maybe he could…. He was proving to be a rare, rare species of man.

“Hey Bill,” Blake yelled as we were starting to drive away. “Do you like country music?”

Bill’s eyes widened again and he nodded quickly, “Yes, sir. I love it!”

Blake nodded and grinned, “I’ll be back in a little while to get your contact information. I’m pretty sure I’ll be through here next year on my next tour, but I would be honored if you would be my guest.”

I thought Bill looked defeated before… he looked positively radiant now.

Now I felt like we could leave him.

I looked over at Blake and whispered, “Thank you.”

A knowing smile stretched across his face, a little devilish with a hint of dimple. “Oh, it’s going to cost ya, don’t worry.”

Three days ago, I would have ran for the hills.

Now, my eyes brightened… I wasn’t worried a bit. In fact, I looked forward to it.

********

I stared at the couple leaning against the stage.

Well, might as well get it over with.

As soon as the thought filtered through my brain, I watched my brother and his wife Jen walk up with their two children. 

I guess he was going to learn some of the Italian family side now. I looked at Blake. “So, I didn’t realize they would be at this venue… I thought they were coming down to San Francisco, but they are here…. Looks like you’re going to get to meet my parents and my brother Todd.” I said to him as I chewed on my lip, anxiety starting to set in.

I hated reality. I wanted to go back to Oklahoma. But, I love my family so very much and they were a vital part of me, so it was important that they knew Blake since I have plans to keep him around.

Blake followed the direction my eyes had glanced to and looked at my family, then glanced at me. He quirked a brow. “Would you rather me hide on the luggage rack? I’ve got some camo in the back, I’m sure I’ll blend right in.”

I threw my head back and laughed so loudly at the thought of Blake’s big body trying to hide on the luggage rack, that several people turned and looked towards us. 

Two of those people belonged to my family.

I made a snap decision and it was mostly due to the man currently sitting beside me. I grabbed his hand, met his eyes, and gave him the biggest grin I could.

Instead of ducking down in my seat and hiding, I stepped out of the SUV and waved at my parents and my brother and his wife. “Hi guys! We just got in!!”

Four sets of eyes stared at me like I was a person they didn’t know.

It was difficult to not move while they stared. This was really important to me. I wanted to learn to stand up for myself. My family didn’t walk on me, but I’ve been running from the truth for years and I was done.

Thank you, Blake… I thought.

I watched my family closely. My mom was the first to break. Tears streamed down her face and she had visible tears running down her face as she walked towards me. I met her halfway and wrapped her in a hug that felt incredible. It was then that I felt my dad’s arms come around both of us and he murmured in my ear, “I don’t know what happened baby girl, but it looks like something good.” 

I nodded against his chest and that’s when I realized I was crying too… but they were nothing but happy, healing tears.

It was like a dam broke again.

My dad released us and my mom stepped back. I hugged my brother Todd and his wife Jen when they joined us. Dad looked behind me with a surprised look on his face. Then looked at me with a look that would have sent me to my room when I was younger. Now, I wanted to giggle. “Gwen, is that a man with you?”

I didn’t lie to my family. They knew the truth about everything in my marriage. I hated liars.

I smiled at my dad, “It sure is. His name is Blake Shelton and I want you to meet him. It’s important to me.”

Four people wore comical expressions of shock. Jen was the first one to break this time. She shook her head, then asked, “Like the voice judge and country music singer?”

I laughed softly. “The one and only.”

“I’ll be right back with him and the boys.” I told them.

I walked back to the SUV to get my guys.

********

We were sitting in the venue’s dining area eating a catered lunch… something I forgot to think of, but Blake was on top of ordering.

My parents were fangirling when they met Blake, but when my dad assessed the situation, the guys disappeared for about a half hour. I hate to even think what that discussion was about.

Jen and my mom were more concerned about the boys and I getting hurt emotionally. I did my best to assure them that was the last thing I was worried about, but I didn’t know how to explain it to them was it was intuition and Blake’s character. However, I understood their concern and loved them for it.

Several hours after the crazy Italian meeting, we all bonded over an extremely large meal. This is where the real love in an Italian family is… food. That’s a topic for another time. Blake shared a PG version of his story with my family, since there were kids present. Then he spent the rest of the time answering questions about Oklahoma from my parents and brother.

They were absolutely enthralled with our story as we told them how we met and how things unfolded. I shared bits of my experience about the weather experience, leaving out the basement parts.

My cheeks were bright red as I told the story, so I’m sure they knew I didn’t tell them the entire story, but thank goodness they didn’t push. 

By the time we finished catching my family up about the last couple of days, everyone wanted to meet Blake’s family and visit Oklahoma to see the nature I described to them. Blake shook his head and smiled with disbelief and tilted his head to me, “She’s heading back after the tour for a few weeks, y’all should join her. There’s enough room for everyone.”

There was?

I looked at him. Where? Did he know how big my family was? I started counting bedrooms if we put all the kids in one and Apollo was already sleeping with me…. The math wasn’t adding up. I started a mental count again. How many bedrooms did the guest house have again?

A hand covered mine and a voice whispered in my ear, “We have plenty of room. I have another house with more than enough space. And if they want to stay at the guest house, there’s enough room at the cabin for us. No need to panic, Pretty Girl.”

I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax. I melted back against him, forgetting we were in the presence of my family.

Well, they knew already and now I guess they could see.

I opened my eyes to see the shocked eyes of my parents of us. Todd and Jen were eating and busy with their kids. I waited for one of them to say something. My dad stood up slowly and held his hand out to Blake’s, “Welcome to the family. Call me Dennis.” 

Then my dad walked out, blotting his eyes as his did so.

My mom stood next and walked around the table. She looked down at Blake and put her hand on his shoulder. “Can I ask you to stand up young man?” she asked. 

Blake look confused, but stood quickly and easily before my mom. What she did next will be imprinted on my memory forever. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a huge hug and whispered, “Thank you, Blake.”

She hugged me next and had more tears in her eyes. “I’m so proud of you Gwen.” She whispered, then she turned and followed my dad.

Blake watched her walk out and looked at me with confusion.

Shit, I was crying now.... But I smiled at him. I walked into his arms, the place that was quickly feeling like home to me.

“Did I do something wrong or say something bad?” Blake murmured in my ears.

What in the world?

This man was just as wounded as I was from the past from a partner, I needed to remember that.

“No, you did the absolute opposite.” My dad never welcomed my ex to the family, but I wasn’t sure if I should tell Blake that or not… I didn’t want to scare him.

He grinned slowly. 

Oh no… I was seriously going to tape my mouth shut!!

“Now why would you want to do that? Then I can’t hear all those secrets you like to spill… and I can’t kiss those beautiful lips, like I really want to do right now.” Blake laughed.

If only. Ugh. I couldn’t wait to kiss him again.

And that brought me to another topic we needed to tackle or I needed to tackle. I wasn’t sure how to do it… how do you tell your children you are in a relationship with someone that isn’t their father?

Not that they see their father on a routine basis, but I strive to be the best parent so I am careful to consider their feelings for their dad. I sat back down and watched for a moment as Todd and Jen continued to work together as a team at dinner time.

That’s what I wanted… all I wanted. A family, a partner, lover, best friend.

Blake was sitting beside me and no surprise, Apollo was out of his high chair and in his lap. I smiled at them. “Spit it out Gwen, you have something on your mind. I can see the smoke signals and you haven’t even built the fire yet.”

I snorted. Where did he get his humor? “I’d like to tell the boys about us? Especially since you are going to be with us this entire leg of the tour. What are your thoughts?”

“We could have done it in Oklahoma. I”m ready whenever you are.” he said no hesitation.

“I’d like to do it now.” I had my nerves together and I wasn’t completely stressed out from multiple dates ahead of me yet. I yelled at the boys and motioned for them to move closer to us. 

King and Zuma took their time, but joined us with groans. “What’s up Mom?” King asked. I looked at both of them. I looked at Blake and he nodded at me, continuing to hold Apollo, but watched all of us. 

“I don’t know how to do this correctly. I’m your mom and I never, ever thought I’d find myself in this position, but I am. You know how your dad has moved on with his life, right?” the boys nodded, looking bored. Taking a deep breath, I told myself to be brave, they were only my kids. “We’re going to start moving on with our lives too, okay? All of us? I’d like to include Blake in that, if you are all right with that?”

I was staring at two smiling little boys. I watched as they gave each other a high-five and argued about which of them won some bet.

This time, I was the one staring at my children like they were aliens.

“What is going on boys?” I inquired.

I loved it when my boys tried to look innocent after I caught them red handed at something. The looks on their faces were priceless. Zuma sighed and said, “Fine. We were hoping you two would get together. We like Oklahoma and we like Blake.”

Well, that certainly made things easier.

But, I still smelled a stinker.

“And the bet?”

King sighed, “We took bets how long it would take you to tell us… we’ve known for a while.”

They did? Oh my lord… 

Blake laughed loudly, “What are you saving for King?”

He looked at Blake in shock. “How did you know?” he asked.

Blake continued to chuckle and answered, “I know a thing or two about bets. And I bet it was your idea?”

King’s eyes widened again. Blake was like a human lie detector. I had skills, but this was another level.

Looking defeated, King nodded.

I finally sat back and giggled at the two boys before me. “How about this? I should have told you two earlier about Blake and you shouldn’t have made the bet? Sound fair?” I asked King.

He nodded. I looked at Zuma, and he nodded.

“Okay guys, you’re excused to hang with Uncle Todd and Aunt Jen. I have to get ready for tonight.” 

I kissed both of them before they left and Blake gave them a high-five like a big kid.

Blake was going with me while I got ready, so I needed to my mom or Jen to take Apollo. Seeing my eyes on Apollo, Blake shook his head.

“I’ll give him to your mom when you go onstage, I’ve got him until then.” He assured me.

My poor, poor heart turned over again.

I was healing… piece by piece.

With this man, I was undone. 

Irrevocably his.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events surprise Gwen and Blake.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that is a product of my overactive imagination.

*There is some violence in this chapter, just a warning. I don’t usually include the music I write to, but a DM on Twitter asked me to include a song list if it was significant. I wrote this chapter to Keith Whitley’s ‘That’s Where I Want To Take Our Love and Settle Down’, Earl Thomas Conley’s “Your Love’s on the Line’, and ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol.

I’m Not Her

By 

Rural Reader

Chapter 13

I finished sound check and went to apply my shield for the night.

War paint… make-up… What I’ve been hiding under for months.

I hadn’t worn any while in Oklahoma, so Blake might be shocked to see me in full costume. Then again, nothing seemed to truly shock him.

I went to the dressing rooms and flipped through my available costumes. For some reasons, my regular choices just weren’t what I wanted. I’d have to make them work tonight, but I wanted to do a little bit of shopping before my next gig. 

Fashion was part of my persona and could be an extreme boost of self-confidence on stage. I had an idea of what I wanted, I just had to find a store or a designer that would work with me on short notice.

The thought excited me and I found myself smiling. There wasn’t much about my work that made me smile in a while. I just existed. To find a spark was the start of a fire, just like the creativity and yearn to write growing within me. 

How did one man do this to me in just a couple of days?

The answer was easy for me. He was a God given gift and I was grateful.

There was a knock on the door and I yelled that it was open. Blake opened the door and closed it behind him, leaning his tall, lean body against it as he watched me. “Hi,” I smiled at him. He met my eyes in the mirror and walked towards me. Taking one of my hands, he helped me stand and then took my place in the chair. I looked at him, confused. “What are you doing? I can get another chair or there’s a couch in the corner.” I pointed behind me. 

He was watching my lips as I spoke. And then he pulled me down on, straddling his lap. My legs were still a little sore, but for this closeness I’d bear it. I licked my lips and stared into bright blue eyes. That’s all it took for Blake to take my lips in a fierce kiss. There was nothing gentle about his lips.

His kiss tasted of passion and possession… and longing. My hands were wrapped in loose curls as I kissed him back. I had been waiting for the opportunity to kiss him like this all day.

I felt the tension drain out of my body as Blake’s continued to worship mine. He groaned and pulled away, then sighed. Leaning his head against mine, he said, “I can’t get enough of you. Do you mind if I watch you get ready? Can’t say I’ve ever been to a Gwen Stefani concert.” He grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. Like I would tell him no… he was crazy and he knew it. I pointed to the couch. “You can stay, but you have to sit over there because you distract me and I have to concentrate to get my face just right.”

He frowned. “What do you mean, get your face just right?”

I laughed at his frown, it was cute. “Make-up. It’s part of the job.”

He glared at my make-up case like it was a bomb. “Just leave the shit off, you don’t need it. You’re fucking beautiful without it.”

Ahh, this man… And his words…

“Well, not everyone in the industry agrees with you, Blakey. And I’m on stage, so that requires heavy make-up. Where’s Apollo?” I asked him, hoping the swift change of subject would wipe the frown off his face.

He pointed at me and quirked a brow, “He’s asleep with your mom. King and Zuma are with Todd and Jen. Now, tell me who the hell doesn’t agree with me so I can have a word? And Blakey?”

I laughed. “Your permanent nickname.” I winked at him as I said it and settled in the chair he vacated.

He tried to give me a scowl. It didn’t work. As a mom of three boys, I’ve received so many scowls over the years, I’m immune. I continued to talk to him as I applied my make-up. “Pouting doesn’t seem your style Mr. Shelton.”

He was sprawled across the couch. “Why don’t you come over here and I’ll show you exactly what my style is?” he taunted.

A flash of heat worked its way through me. I ignored it. I had to be a professional tonight. I blew Blake a kiss. “I’ll check your style out after this gig is over, if you stop pouting.”

Blake laughed deeply.

And with that, we settled into a comfortable silence while I continued to get ready for the show. When it was time to put my corset top on, he had a brief relapse of naughtiness, but I promised a raincheck.

I’ve never had such an entertaining time getting ready for a show and all we did was flirt. I wanted to laugh, but I still needed my hair done and I had to have help taming it, unless I wanted to leave it in a braid.

That was a hard no… it didn’t fit my brand.

However, something in me was telling me to live a little… so I did the next best thing. I pulled the flat iron out and got to work.

********

Five hours later, I was dripping sweat and running on adrenaline from my set. I finished the encore and exited the stage after yelling my thanks to my crew and band. I was looking for one man.

He wasn’t hard to find.

Stage right… in the corner, where he had watched me with a look of fascination all night. I met his eyes a few times I was singing and he’d wink or smile at me, keeping the flirting at a minimum in front of an audience. 

However, he had my attention.

In fact, I was ready to leave, now. I motioned to the back of the stage with a tilt of my head and he nodded. I’d meet him outside the back door. But I needed air. The Texas air was humid and hot. It was even hotter on the stage due to the heat from audio equipment. 

I was walking down a set of four stairs when I felt myself falling. I totally skipped the stairs and landed in a heap at the bottom, on the concrete slab with a groan. I landed on my left arm and the breath left me when I felt something hit me in the rib area.

“What in the…. Ouch! What the fuck are you doing?” I screamed at someone I couldn’t see as something slammed into my ribs again and again.

Using my good arm, I tried to push myself up off the concrete. If I could get up, I might get a glimpse of someone and nothing else, I was wearing Doc Martens…. Not that it would help.

I made it to my knees when I saw Blake at the top of the stairs, a look of absolute horror across his face. Then I saw a foot coming towards my face and it was lights out.

********

I opened my eyes to a bright light in my face.

So this was heaven… no music. I was disappointed. Oh Lord, I didn’t mean that. I just hoped to hear angels singing or something.

“Gwen! Look at me, Pretty Girl, please!” Blake’s voice sounded worried. Why was he worried? I was in a great place.

Being dead wasn’t so bad, I don’t think.

But, I was so tired. I was going to sleep for a while.

********

Blake’s POV

I was going to enjoy killing someone, just as soon as she was healed.

Someone had put their hands on her and hurt her, multiple times.

And I wasn’t there when I should have been. It could have been prevented so easily.

I went over the events of the last 24 hours and the scene that would likely haunt me for years. Gwen, lying on the ground like a broken doll.

Gwen, surrounded by so much blood.

I caught a glimpse of the person hurting her, but only of them kicking her in the head. I only knew the person was shorter than I was, which was most of the general population. Other than that, it was too damn dark for me to see and what I’m assuming is a male took advantage of the situation.

I sat in the chair next to her bed and stared at her. She was so incredibly small in the bed. This woman, who was so much larger than life to me…. Was so tiny in person.

I had just found her and almost lost her in a span of days.

The thought made me sick to my stomach.

It made the inner caveman in me surface, which is why I refused to leave her side.

Never, ever again would she be hurt on my watch.

A nurse came in and checked Gwen’s arm and ribs, then her head laceration. She changed her IV bag out and asked me if I needed anything. I wanted to beg her to fix my woman, but I just shook my head and thanked her.

Gwen’s parents were in earlier and my mom flew in to help with the boys. It was sad that something like this is what brought our families together instead of a holiday. It didn’t change the fact that my mom met Gwen’s parents the same way she did their daughter, with a hug. 

Mom loved Gwen and her boys. I’m guessing she also loved her family. It was impossible not to. 

I needed to check on the boys, but I refused to leave their mother. So I pulled up Facetime and called King. “Hey Blake,” He answered. “How’s mom?” I tried my best to smile, but it was hard. “No change yet. I wanted to call and check in, make sure you guys were doing okay.” Zuma popped into the screen with his brother, waving at me. A genuine smile spread across my face. “Hey Zuma, y’all having fun?” He was so much like his mother… he rolled his eyes at me and said, “We’re bored to tears. But, it’s okay. Tell mom we love her okay?” I nodded at them. “I’ll call y’all if anything else changes okay?” King answered, “Thanks Blake.”

Such great kids. Gwen did such an amazing job with them. Well mannered and polite.

I wished I could facetime my little buddy, Apollo… but looking at the clock on the wall, he’d be asleep. He was with my mom, so that Gwen’s parents could come and go from the hospital. At least I didn’t have to worry about him while he was with her.

Two weeks ago, I was thinking about drinking a 12 pack of beer on my porch and maybe painting a fence because I was bored. It was amazing to me how quickly my life and priorities changed.

When you know… you know.

And I knew without a doubt when I saw her standing with the defunct cell phone in her hand, walking around trying to get reception. Everything that followed was just icing on the cake for me.

I knew her history. You can’t live in Hollywood for half of the year and not hear shit. So, yeah, I knew. And the guy had to be an idiot to even consider cheating on Gwen, let alone acting on it.

However, I didn’t give a damn about him. She was mine now. So were the boys.

And as soon as she woke up and had adequate time to heal, I was going to make sure she understood.

Three days, three years, thirty years... I didn’t fucking care.

Mine.

Gwen’s POV

I had the headache of the century when I opened my eyes to more bright light, but not as bright as the last. They must have different power grids in heaven. It’s kind of bullshit that you still get headaches in heaven though. I thought we’d be pain free and joyous here. Well, I’ll have to be sure and read a manual or something….

Did they make manuals for new people?

A deep laugh echoed around me. Blake? He was in heaven too? I turned my head to the left and found him sitting in a tiny chair that was way too small for his 6’5’’ frame. I smiled slowly when I saw him. “Whatcha doin in heaven?” I managed to ask him.

His dimples were super cute. Did I ever tell him that? I should now. He was so stuck with me now!

His eyes were dancing with laughter. “I think you had too many of the good drugs, Pretty Girl.” 

Wha?

“You’re so pretty and I didn’t tell ya when we were alive cause I was a scaredy cat, but I like you way more than a lot.” I said to him before I fell back to sleep.

Blake’s POV

Relief settled over me like a blanket.

She woke up. I could breathe a little easier. Of course, she thought she was in heaven… with me. The thought made me smile. The doctor and nurses assured me that it was her pain medication that caused the confusion, along with the head laceration.

As soon as she fell back to sleep, I called the boys and her family, then my mom. 

I looked to the ceiling and did something I haven’t done since my brother passed away years ago. I closed my head and said a quick prayer of thanks to the Lord for sparing the woman before me. The woman who quickly becoming everything to me…. Her and her children.

I prayed when they brought her in and I said another prayer in gratitude. 

Now it was just making sure she healed and rested, which I could do if we were in Oklahoma. Then I wanted to find the person responsible for injuring the largest piece of my heart.

And I would make sure the person would pay, one way or another.

I pulled the chair closer to Gwen’s bed and rested my head on her stomach in relief.

Only then did I let the tears flow.

Gwen’s POV

Three days after I was attacked, I was released from the hospital. Blake filled me in on the days I was in and out of consciousness. I was a little embarrassed because I was so drugged up, I believed I was in heaven. 

Blake’s stare was intense and heavy as he lifted me into the SUV, even though I could walk. He wouldn’t hear of it. He plucked me out of the wheelchair and settled me in the front seat of the Navigator and even fastened my seatbelt for me.

It was sweet, but I wasn’t completely helpless. Sure, my left arm was broken. I had 3 broken ribs and a nasty head wound that still ached. Overall, I was extremely lucky that Blake had arrived at the top of the stairs when he did because he interrupted the person from doing more damage.

I knew from the brief moments he left me in his mom’s care to make a trip to the cafeteria that he blamed himself for my attack and we were going to have a discussion about that, as soon as my head wasn’t throbbing.

Blake hadn’t left the hospital the entire time I was there. He called his mom, who flew in to help my family with the kids. I felt myself getting emotional at the gesture of affection. How did I get this lucky?

Sighing, I rested my head back on the seat. I was so tired, another side effect of the medication and my attack. I didn’t like the mind fog the medication caused, but it kept the throbbing and roar to a dull ache and made it manageable for me to breathe a little easier.

I felt like such a baby.

Blake had even been working with my manager, rescheduling the last leg of the tour due to my injuries and giving me time to heal. I felt guilty, but I didn’t have a choice. I could sing with a broken arm, but not broken ribs.

Blake looked at me from the driver’s seat. “What do you say we load up the boys and head home to Oklahoma so you can rest? Your family can join us too.”

Hell yes. That sounded like heaven on earth right now.

I nodded, my eyes heavy. “Please.”

Running a finger down my cheek, his eyes intense again, he murmured, “I almost lost you. Never again, Gwen. We’ll talk about it later. Let’s get the kids and head back to the ranch.”

Like I was going to argue with him.

He referred to Oklahoma as home and I didn’t refute it. 

I had a home, he just didn’t realize that he was it.

Not yet, but he would and soon.

It didn’t matter if we were in Oklahoma, California, Texas, or heaven for that matter.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen, with the family work to settle back in Oklahoma.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. This story is fictional and a product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 14

It was three days before the attending doctor felt that it was safe for me to fly back to Oklahoma. During that time, Blake was like a prowling tiger. He was watchful and alert, staying close to the boys and I at all times. In fact, I wasn’t certain he had left us alone since I was released.

We were all in a hotel, in a group of suites. Blake and I shared a suite with the boys. My parents and Dorothy shared another suite, which I found interesting. (More on that later.) And my brother and his family were in their own set of rooms. 

The cops and crime scene people, whatever they are called… forensics, had combed the scene where I was attacked with care, under the watchful eye of Blake Shelton and my father. I’m not certain when he found time to do that, my mom only told me about it through her tears as she shared her fears that it would happen again.

Now we were waiting for the analysis of any evidence they found to come back from the labs. The detective for my case shared with us that this process could take weeks. That made the man currently sleeping beside me extremely grumpy. I saw a new side of him and it took everything I had to pull him back from the fury I knew he was experiencing. But it wasn’t the detective’s fault that the crime lab was slow or that I was attacked, so when Blake started to get upset about the timeline presented, I wrapped my right arm around his waist from behind and laid my head against the middle of his back.

He stopped immediately and slowly turned around, then looked down at me. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t care how long it takes. Get me out of here.” I told him. And all the grumpiness left him as he swept me from the station, back to what he considered our ‘base of operations’, until we could, ‘get the hell outta here’.

Now we are here… today we were planning and hoping to head back to the ranch. I was so ready. I felt like I had been gone for months. Is it weird to yearn for a place that you’ve only visited once? Probably. I didn’t care. I was looking forward to the solace and peace that the ranch brought me, surrounded by my family and wrapped in the safety of Blake’s arms.

We had to get from Texas to Oklahoma first and that meant waking the sleeping beast of a man cuddled up as close as he could get to me. Smiling as I leaned my head against his bare chest, I thought about our first night in the suite….

I wanted to chuckle now. Blake had bulldozed right over every single one of my concerns with seven simple words and the most possessive gaze I think I’ve ever witnessed in my life…

Three Days ago:

I was making myself a bed on the couch with one hand and walking back to the bedroom to grab a pillow. (Apollo was staying night’s with my parents or Dorothy until I could get up easier.) King and Zuma were sharing a room with bunk beds. Blake had looked up from the bed, where he was already sitting and glared at the pillow in my hand like it was a stink bomb. “Just what do you think you are doing Pretty Girl?”

I was so embarrassed to have to explain this to him. I was a grown woman in my 40s… but some things never changed and one was Catholic guilt. I bit my lip, “I’m making a bed on the couch.”

He stood up, walked over to me. “Why?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes towards the ceiling. “My parents are here.” I tried to explain, hoping that would be enough.

He quirked a brow. “So is my mom. What is your point?”

I groaned. “I’m Catholic and was raised really strict. Technically I shouldn’t have even slept with you yet.”

A slow smile spread across Blake face when he realized what I was talking about. “A little late for that concern isn’t it?”

I could feel myself turning red. I stared at my feet, thinking I could use a pedicure soon. I didn’t know what to say to him. I should be ashamed of myself, but I wasn’t. I would be in that room with him, if my parents weren’t in the same hotel and I didn’t feel guilty for that either.

How many Hail Mary’s is that?

Sighing, I talked with my hands, “It’s just for a few days. We’ll be fine in Oklahoma.” To make it easier on both of us, I attempted a smile, that maybe felt like a grimace… I sucked at lying, because I hated it. “I’ll just be on the couch until we leave, that’s all.”

Blake rounded the bed fast for a large man and he did it quicker than I could follow his movement. Suddenly, he was next to me, gently removing the pillow from my right hand and then throwing it back on the bed. “The hell you are! Y’all are mine.”

I blinked a couple times and stared at him in shock. What? I was on some potent medication, but I was lucid. I wasn’t deaf yet from years of rocking out with bands. And he was standing next to me, so I wasn’t blind… 

Blake’s eyes almost looked challenging. I wanted to smile, but I was more intrigued. This was different. What kind of species of man was this…. Hmm… “I don’t think I got enough rest in the hospital.” I told him.

Coward. I was such a coward because a little voice inside me wanted to poke the challenge in his eyes… the cautious side of me, which was front and present right now just wanted to go to bed.

But, we were going to talk about the sentence and soon. 

It joined the other topic I was going to discuss with him and I looked forward to the negotiations our conversation might entail.

I turned over the weight of his words in my mind and it was what he said that knocked any remaining walls I had down, it’s what made me feel I could stand up to my parents if they looked at me with disappointment…. However, for some reason I didn’t think they would. 

He had said, “Y’all are mine”

He didn’t just mean me. He’d included my boys in that statement. 

It was everything, absolutely everything I wanted. 

A family… that’s it. With Blake, he just came with a few extra bonuses… like safety, a great family, and a ranch that gave me peace in the middle of America.

Acceptance of some things in life is a process and I learned that with two failed relationships under my belt. Blake was teaching me all sorts of lessons that he wasn’t aware of and one of those things was how very much I took for granted and didn’t realize it.

No longer.

“Let’s go to bed then,” I announced. I threw the covers back and got in bed carefully. It took me a while to get comfortable, but when I did, he settled against me. 

********

Landing in Oklahoma was such a relief, I wanted to cry when I saw Hugh waiting for us with a large Black van that would everyone present.

Where in the heck did he get that thing? I shook my head. 

Why am I surprised? Blake doesn’t hold back for anything. Heck, he probably had it waiting here 3 days ago. I heard a chuckle next to me. Rolling my eyes skyward, I didn’t even miss a beat when I asked him, “Can you pretend like you don’t hear me?”

Dimples flashing and eyes tired, but relaxed, he said, “Where’s the fun in that? And you are incorrect. It’s been here since you were admitted to the hospital overnight. I wanted to be prepared for anything.”

Of course he did. 

Blake carried Apollo in his arms, since it was difficult for me with one hand. King and Zuma were already in the van with my niece. Todd and Jenny, who carried my nephew Leo, walked ahead of us. My parents and Blake’s mom were behind us, chatting…. Which was weird…. And I loved it.

By the time we had the van loaded and arrived back to the ranch, I was exhausted. I don’t know how Blake kept going. He had to be more exhausted than I was because he didn’t leave the hospital. Yet, here he was beside me… keeping pace and carrying my son.

I didn’t even think of where we were going to stay… Plus, we had Hugh also. I didn’t have enough energy to panic. I was hoping Blake had planned for this contingency too, because I was sitting this one out.

I was slumped against him, thinking I was ready to find the nearest bed when Hugh pulled up to the guest house. It was a sight for sore eyes. Even the boys cheered when we parked. It was good to know I wasn’t alone in my need for a break.

I don’t know if I even had enough energy to direct anyone to do anything. It was going to take everything I had to muster enough of it to get from the van into the house. I was completely drained… wiped out, physically and emotionally. 

I sighed softly. I found Blake staring down at me with concern, “Just a few minutes, Gwen and we’ll have you settled.”

This man…. Always taking care of me.

I don’t know if I would ever get used to it. I was the one that took are of others, always. I’ve never had anyone take care of me, except for my parents and grandparents. The idea of a partner caring for me like that was so foreign, I did even know how to react.

I did what came naturally. I looked at Blake and gave him a tired smile, “Thank you. I’m grateful.”

Grateful was such a weak statement for what I was… but I wasn’t even sure there was a word to describe how I felt. It just felt so much larger than grateful.

True to his word, within 15 minutes, Blake had me tucked in my old room and I was fast asleep. I was surrounded by family in a peaceful place.

For the moment, it was enough.

********

I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the ceiling of the guest house. I tried to sit up, but cried out as my ribs screamed in protest at my sudden movement. 

Yeah, I wouldn’t be doing that again anytime soon. 

Glancing out the window, it appeared to be early evening. However, one thing I learned about Oklahoma is that those skies could be deceiving. I needed to use the bathroom, but I wasn’t certain how I was going to get out of bed without assistance or a lot of pain. I wasn’t a fan of either option.

I tried to scoot towards the edge of the bed a little at a time, but that still wouldn’t help me sit up. 

Dammit.

“You know you could have just asked for help.” A warm, amused voice said from the vicinity of the doorway. I turned my head and gave the gorgeous man my best, not amused glare. “I need help, please.” I snarked.

I was hungry, cranky, horny…. Whoa. And there goes my brain again.

A genuinely amused Blake assisted me to a sitting position, then picked me up in his arms. Sighing dramatically, I leaned my head against his chest and let him pamper me. Sure, I could walk, but if the man wanted to carry me right now, who was I to argue?

“You know you are cute when you are grumpy, Pretty Girl?” Blake said.

I shrugged and grumbled.

“What was that? I didn’t catch it between all the shrugging and mumbling.” he laughed.

Rolling my eyes heavenward and asking for deliverance from this hot man, (but not really), I did my best to put it in simple man terms. “I’m not used to being dependent on someone. It’s going to take a little while for me to get used to.”

His eyes softened as he smiled down at me. “I just want to help. You scared me Gwen.”

Ahh, this man…. And his beautiful soul with his beautiful words. 

Using my right hand, I tugged his face down to meet my lips and caressed them with mine. I’m glad he was the one walking right now because I would have walked right into a wall.

He left me in the doorway of the bathroom, after making sure I was steady on my feet. Smiling, I thanked him and then shut the door in his shocked face.

Some things I drew a line on…. This was one.

********

I was sitting at the breakfast nook, shoveling food into my mouth like a starving woman.

Blake was at the stove, cooking.

Could he do everything? I couldn’t cook to save my life…. I mean, I could use a microwave. I tried new things repeatedly, but I never had any luck. My attempts always met with odd stares from my children or smelled so horrible, I wouldn’t even eat it.

“Where did you learn to cook?” I asked Blake around bites of… what was I even eating? Pancakes.

He turned around with a look of pure mischief on his face. What was this? Was he wearing an apron with writing? Quirking a brow with curiosity, I said, “Can you turn around for just a second?”

His face was full of concern. He had a spatula in one hand. And yep, sure enough, my closet caveman was sporting an apron that advertised, ‘Warning: Hot Stuff’. I glanced at him from head to toe, then snapped a picture with my phone to keep.

The concerned expression changed so fast, it was almost comical. He frowned. “Did you just take a picture of me in my favorite apron?”

Favorite apron? There was more than one?

I could hardly wait until they all made a debut. I was making a wall calendar. He didn’t need to know that...yet.

Setting my phone down, I picked my fork up and went back to my pancakes. I winked at Blake. He laughed at my audacity… or maybe it was my need to eat, now.

I didn’t care. The man was feeding me and then we were going to hunt down my family, who were wandering around somewhere on the ranch.

Blake had no idea of the chaos that could create.

I chuckled to myself as I forked another bite.

********

Blake had me strapped in another ATV. This was different from the first one we rode in. I only saw two seats and a huge flat bed on the back. I had a ton of questions about that, but I’d save them for another time. Actually, I had a ton of questions about the ranch in general….

Instead, I asked, “Where are we going? I thought you said they were out and about?”

They, meaning the entirety of my family, kids and all.

He was grinning as he drove, like he knew a secret. I rolled my eyes. Of course, he did. “They were all roaming the ranch. Now they are back at the main house, settling in for the day.”

Oh.

What? Main house? What main house?

I looked at him in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me that’s where you put everyone?”

He chuckled. “So I could enjoy that expression on your face right now. And you assumed there wasn’t enough room, when I told you there was plenty.”

Shit, shit, shit.

He was right.

A few minutes later, he pulled up in front of a huge, sprawling house that put the guest house to shame. My jaw fell open as I stared at it. It was beautiful and country at the same time. 

I wanted to explore every single inch. However, I wanted to see my family more.

I needed to see them.

Blake lifted me from the ATV and set me down on the sidewalk leading up to the door. Then grasped my hand as we went to find those closest to me.

I was excited to share this experience with them.

I was still scared and shook from the attack in Texas.

I looked at Blake as we walked to the door and couldn’t imagine my life without him. I clutched his hand a little tighter, suddenly feeling anxious. He pulled us to a stop and looked down at me.

“We’ve got this. We’re stronger together.”

Closing my eyes at his words, that last brittle wall around my heart fell down.

Battled and conquered by this man.

He not only conquered my heart, but my soul too.

It’s the best war I’ve ever lost so far.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen have a chat.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that is a product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 15

Blake’s house was almost as large as mine in California.

However, this house had more bedrooms. Mine had more amenities. 

Both of our families were sitting around the largest and longest kitchen table I had ever seen. I noted that Endy and her husband were chatting with my brother Todd and Jenny. It warmed my heart to see the interactions between them.

Our parents were huddled at the other end of the table, Apollo and Leo in the middle, coffee cups in front of them. I don’t know what they were discussing, but it must have been interesting because both my mom and Dorothy were talking with their hands with a smile. My dad looked like he was listening… that or he had tuned out of a ladies conversation.

Following the sound of children’s laughter, the rest of the kids were laughing at something playing on the television. Everyone was present and accounted for, so I could breathe easy… bad pun. I could rest easier.

Blake and I joined the group at the table. He pulled out a chair for me and murmured in my ear quietly, “Sit and rest.”

Sighing, I listened when I wanted to argue. But he was right. I had zero energy. I really wanted to go back to bed for a few more hours. My ribs hurt, my head was pounding, and my left arm was starting to throb.

I pushed the pain away and forced myself to concentrate on the faces in front of me. They were more important than a little pain. And if Blake got even a hint at the amount of pain I was experiencing, he’d have me back to the doctor or in bed before I could blink… so I did my best not to fidget under concerned stares and to smile, not grimace.

“Gwen…” my mom began. Shit. She knew. A mother always knew these things. I was a mother. Why didn’t I think about that? Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

“I’m fine, Mom.” I rushed to tell her. And that attempt gained Dorothy’s attention, which gained Blake’s attention… all that I was trying to avoid.

I wanted to groan. We had things we needed to discuss and I wanted to show everyone the ranch. I couldn’t do that from a bed. Plus, I felt bad for hoisting myself on Blake’s family. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.

“And that’s all she wrote.” Blake said as he gently picked me up out of my chair, unexpectedly. Our parents watched us with a knowing smile. Our siblings were watching us with similar grins. Blake was glaring at me with disapproval. 

Why was he upset? It’s not like he was kidnapped from his chair while attempting to chat.

His brows furrowed more. I wanted to smack a hand over my mouth. My damn mouth. It always got me into trouble with him. Rolling my eyes, I asked, “And where are we going?”

“We’re going to get a few things straight, then you are going back to bed. If you want to visit with your family, that’s great. But you can do it while resting, not sitting.” He replied.

Well, that was a firm answer.

I wanted to squirm in his arms, but I couldn’t with my ribs and the jerk knew it too.

He carried me down a long hall and made a right at the first door, then closed it with his booted foot. Gasping in surprise, Blake had taken us into a large and spacious bedroom, complete with a California King bed, antique furniture, and what looked like a full master bath. 

The room was masculine, but gorgeous.

“This is our room, in this house. Get used to it.” Blake announced as he put me on the bed with care. I looked at him in shock… there were a lot of words in that statement that I had questions about… 

If fact, we could just talk about that statement now, instead of what happened in the kitchen… the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I could be the Queen of Denial when I wanted to be and I can stick my hand in the sand when I didn’t want to admit something.

Like now… Now, seemed like a great time to wear a Crown and find a sandbox.

“Oh no, we’re going to talk. About everything and all of it.” Blake’s eyes were flashing with that possessive intent I’ve seen in them one other time… the time I tucked tail like the coward I wanted to be now and ran from my emotions. No… that’s not right. Queen… I denied my emotions like the queen of denial that I am.

Nodding, proud of the title I bestowed upon myself, I met his eyes with the best look of innocence I thought I could pull off. I’ve acted before, surely it can’t be that difficult to do this one thing. 

He looked at me and gave me an unrecognizable look. What did that mean? I didn’t know that look! How could he look at me like that when I didn’t know what it meant?!?

Then, I watched in fascination as Blake stripped off his clothes slowly… right in front of me. He pulled on a pair of sweats with a tee, then looked at my clothes with a sparkle in his eyes. “Your turn.” he said.

“What? My parents are out in the kitchen!” I whispered.

“I know. I guess you won’t argue much huh?” He said back with a huge smile.

The jerk was enjoying this! My eyes were huge and I might have been a little shocked, but I was mostly turned on as he carefully helped me out of my clothes, then dressed me in clothing similar to his, just smaller. I looked down at it, not recognizing the clothing but I noted they were new. I looked at Blake in confusion. “What’s this?”

“We’ll get to that too.” He winked at me and picked up our discarded clothing, then threw them all in a hamper together.

Together. Clothing. Hamper.

I’m glad I was sitting down.

I knew we were together and it was the real deal… but there’s something about seeing your dirty clothing mixed together in a laundry hamper that reminds you that shit has gone past the chance of a possibility to a dead ass deal.

Should I be hyperventilating or something? Running for the hills? More like limping… but, the idea was the same. 

I felt no urge to run. But, I did want to lay down.

I sighed and threw in the proverbial towel as I relaxed back on the bed. Blake watched me with knowing satisfaction of a man that had just gotten his way. I needed to remember this because he was looking mighty cocky…. Cute, but cocky.

“Good. You comfortable?” Blake asked me. I nodded at him. The only way I could be more comfortable at the moment was to have him in this bed with me and not injured. “Settle in beautiful, because we aren’t leaving this room until we settle a few things.”

I quirked a brow. “That’s presumptuous.” I told him with as much sass as I could muster.

“No, Pretty Girl, that’s the truth.” He joined me on the bed and pulled me gently towards him so I covered his chest. I was lying on my uninjured side and the heat of his body was already working it’s magic on me.

He was playing with my hair and it relaxed me even more. This man should be illegal. He was like drugs to me. I felt my eyes start to get heavy again. “You need to know how much I want you and the boys. And I mean all of you and all three boys, all the time.”

My eyes popped open. What did that mean?

Blake didn’t miss a beat. “I know how you were raised. Your dad talked to me. I know your faith is important to you, as is family. Family is important to me too and if the past year has taught me anything, it’s to have faith.”

Shit, shit, shit. I was going to cry.

This sweet, sweet man… 

“That said, you scared the shit out of me. I’ve never been so fucking scared Gwen. You were surrounded by so much blood…” Blake’s voice broke with emotion and I had a stray tear streaming down my cheek.

“I was helpless. I couldn’t do anything but watch them work on you. Then, they wouldn’t let me back to see you. Your family had to intervene. That’s the last time that shit is happening too.”

I was just beginning to realize the nightmare he went through. I didn’t even stop to consider the small things like he mentioned. I looked up at him, noting the heavy growth of facial hair on his chin. I rubbed it with my right hand, attempting to soothe him.

“So, this is me telling you how things are going to go. You don’t like something, tell me and we’ll discuss it. Otherwise, I’m going to be your shadow for a while, especially while someone has painted a target on your back. If I can’t be there, you will have a bodyguard and so will the boys.” He spoke firmly and looked me in the eyes.

Safety. I’d found it all right. And as much as I wanted to argue with him, I couldn’t. He made sense, especially concerning the boys.

I watched as he opened the drawer of the nightstand on his bed, then remove a box, all while continuing to hold me. I was curious. He looked down at me with a sly grin. “Last, you have the time you are healing to plan.”

I blinked in confusion. Huh? Were we planning a siege? Vacation? I always wanted to take the boys to Australia… maybe if we had enough down time we could go this year.

Blake took my left hand, my thumb and lower palm enclosed in a splint until I saw an ortho doctor and slipped something on my finger. My finger? What? I heard a box close and the drawer he took it out of open and close again.   
What just happened?

I held my left hand up, cast and all and saw a huge diamond on my ring finger. My eyes rounded and my jaw fell open. Was that? Surely not…. It’s only been… how long?

Blake chuckled at my expression. “Yes, Gwen. It’s an engagement ring. It was my grandmother’s ring. I asked my mom for it yesterday.”

I was speechless. Was he asking me to marry him then or was this for pretend until they caught the guy that attacked me? And was Blake crazy? We couldn’t get engaged! My parents would kill me!!

He was watching my facial expressions, amused. “Are you done talking to yourself? Your family knows. I asked your dad for permission Gwen, I’m old fashioned. My family knows. And yes, your boys know too… except my little buddy Apollo, he didn’t quite understand when we chatted about it.”

I was starting to panic. I couldn’t get married again. Look how the last one turned out! Nevermind that Blake was absolutely nothing like my ex, but marriage? Again? Couldn’t we just live in sin?

Then I remembered I was raising young children and a Catholic. I panicked again.

Sweet Jesus.

What would everyone think? That I was knocked up? I could see the headlines now…

Blake laughed softly, “If only. And I could give two shits what anyone else thinks. Get used to the idea, we’re doing it and soon. I’m never going through that hospital shit again and not able to get to you. I never want you to experience something like that. And this also answers the matter of faith easily. I’m wifing ya up.”

I was in shock… but wifing ya up? I barked out a laugh, then groaned because it hurt my ribs to laugh. 

He was bossy and damn good at it too. I was curious if he was always this way or if this was something that just appeared when a loved one was hurt. 

He was stroking my ring finger and looking into my eyes. I saw the possessive glint returned and was focused on my lips. Maybe I was being a bit of a tease, but I licked them in anticipation of the kiss I hoped was coming.

He did not disappoint me.

His lips lightly brushed mine, almost like he was afraid of bruising them. I sighed and attempted to pull him closer to me. Game over. My lips became the focus of his attention for the next, I have no idea how long because I didn’t have a watch. But it was long enough to leave us both breathless.

Ho-ly Shit, the man could kiss! He could do other stuff really well too, but since I was a bit limited with the ribs, I’d take the kisses and run.

“Any questions?” He asked me as he studied my face, stroking my chin.

Questions about kissing? I may be naive in many things, but kissing wasn’t one of them. 

I stared at him in confusion. He grinned and tapped on my new ring. 

Ohhh. Right. 

“Why can’t we wait for the usual year?” I asked him.

“Because I don’t want to.” He told me point blank.

Alright then… straight and to the point about that. 

“What about the other details? Where, when… all that stuff?” I asked him.

“That’s up to you. I’d like to do it on the ranch, but we can talk about it. The rest is all you and let me know how I can help.” Blake said.

A tiny, tiny kernel of excitement swirled up inside me, but I sure wasn’t going to admit it right now… I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Yet. He was smug enough as it was.

As I thought about just a few of the things that would need to be completed, another fear surfaced. Where would I live? We live? The boys went to school in California and I had joint custody with their father, although he rarely took visitation. How was that going to work? Was I supposed to inform him about my future plan of remarriage? More and more questions swirled through my mind. 

“Gwen? I can feel you thinking from here. Stop the worrying. This is going to be the easiest thing we’ve ever done or I’ll shave my head.” Blake said.

My eyes widened at his words, then I giggled as I clutched my ribcage for support. “Shave off those luscious locks? I don’t even think so.”

He shrugged. “It’s just hair. Wait until Ma pulls out the picture albums. You’re going to have a field day with some of the pictures.”

I couldn’t wait… 

But we had other things on the horizon. “Can you help me up?” I asked him.

“Where are we going?” He asked me with curiosity.

Giving him an obvious ‘duh’ look, I looked at the huge diamond on my hand. “You said the family on both sides already knew. Well, I’m going to go tell them you didn’t even ask.” I finished with a huff.

He snickered. “Tell me you wouldn’t have fallen off the bed in shock and I might have asked. I cut a few corners and assured I got what I wanted. The end result is the same.”

Smug jerk. He was cute though. Bossy, but hot. And I really liked the cowboy boots with his Oklahoma manners and twang. Actually, I was working on a much longer list of things I really, really liked. 

Blake helped me up and carted me back to the kitchen table. I may never walk again if he kept carrying me everywhere. I noted that not one member of either side of our families looked surprised to see us return. Sly, plotting families… I could see it written across all of their faces… guilty. Sheepish grins from both mothers. 

I don’t know how I missed the signs. And a twinge from my left arm reminded me exactly how I missed the signs. It also reminded me that my personal life wasn’t the only thing I needed to be worried about at the moment.

Looking at everyone gathered around the table, I held up my left hand and showed off Blake’s grandmother’s ring. “Any questions?” I asked.

There was no sense in repeating something they likely already knew. To my surprise, Dorothy is the only one that raised her hand. She smiled at me, then Blake. “Please tell me you at least made him sweat for a few minutes?”

What? Then I understood and I threw my head back and laughed so hard, I groaned and laughed so more. Leave it to Blake to tell both families he was going to ask and he conveniently forgot the ‘ask’ part and just told me. I saw a chance for a little revenge here so I grinned and nodded, sticking to the truth. “He’s still waiting for an answer actually, he just slid the ring on my finger.”

Everyone laughed, except Dorothy and she looked at her son with amusement. She rolled her eyes and said, “Well he comes by it naturally, because his daddy did the same thing.”

Oh. That was so sweet. I looked at Blake and he was bright red with embarrassment. It was cute… so cute that I wanted to tease him. I didn’t, this time.

We answered a few general questions when my dad addressed the elephant in the room. “What do we know from Texas and what is the plan?”

I hate when reality crashes my party.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family learns a few things about the attack.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. This is a fictional story that is a product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By

Rural Reader

Chapter 16

Utter silence met my dad’s encompassing question about Texas. 

It seemed like either no one wanted to talk about it or wanted to go first. I was game for both. I looked to Blake, sitting next to me and his jaw was tight with tension. I knew this was an unhappy subject for him. Hell, it really wasn’t great for me either since I was the subject of discussion.

I didn’t even think about the fact that my phone wouldn’t work here. It would probably be the same for my entire family since we were all on the same service manager. Did I bring that up now or later? Sighing, no time like the present. “I didn’t think about it at the time… of course, my thinking was kind of impaired, but my phone doesn’t work here, so it’s probably going to be the same for your phone, Dad.”

Dad looked at me with surprise, then smiled at Blake. “Blake, did you forget to tell her that you got us all new phones for our Oklahoma stay?”

Glancing back at Blake, he looked a bit embarrassed. “No sir. I mean, Yes, sir, I forgot to tell her. I’ll tell her now.” And no kidding, he looked right at me, with a quirky grin and said, “I got you a new phone.”

That’s it. He’s a fountain of information. Where was this phone? Was it a model one flip phone since we were in the throwback era? I don’t know if I’ve ever had a flip phone… maybe.   
Blake pulled the latest model iPhone out of his pocket and slid it to me. “This is yours. If I’m not with you, that phone should be.”

Rolling my eyes at his direct orders, I checked out the phone he gave me and almost fell out of my chair. This worked out here? This was nicer than the phone I had! How did this work and not the phone from California? So many questions about cell service were starting to form in my mind when my dad plucked the phone from my hand and gave me a look.

Oh boy. I knew that look. I was in trouble… like the kind of trouble that said, “Sit up and pay attention young lady, this is serious.” I gulped. “Sorry.” I mumbled to my dad. He nodded and then swept the rest of the table with his famous, “Well?” glare… at least, that’s what I liked to call it.

That’s about the time the phone my dad had confiscated from me decided to ring. He stared at it in surprise, then gave it back to me. I looked at the number, not recognizing it, but went ahead with a generic greeting, “Hello?”

It was a little daunting to be on the phone with an official individual and have an entire table of people staring at you at the same time. I really wanted to go to the bedroom so I could take the call with a little bit of privacy. It was the detective from my case. I wasn’t certain how to convey that to everyone without putting him on speaker phone. I met Blake’s eyes and stared at the phone, hoping he caught on.

He did. I found the phone plucked from my hand again and watched in shock as Blake spoke in soft tones with the detective on my case. Why was Blake talking to him and not me? I felt a surge of anger and tried to push it down, but it wasn’t happening, not this time. 

Subconsciously, I knew it wasn’t Blake’s fault that this happened… but I couldn’t have stopped what happened. It was like watching a freight train coming towards me full speed ahead and I didn’t know what to do, I snapped. Maybe later I would be embarrassed, maybe not. All I could focus on was the rising feeling inside of me. Once I would have defined it as helplessness. Now, it was righteous fury. 

In the past, I had been cheated on multiple times by my ex, while married to him, while pregnant with his children. I had been lied to by him, multiple times. His friends had lied to me, to cover up his lies. I had been walked over, walked on. My dignity and self-confidence had taken a direct hit, being driven into nothing and stomped into the dirt. So when Blake took the phone from me, old memories resurfaced. However, instead of hiding within myself like I had been doing since Apollo was born, everything came tumbling out.

In front on both of our families… mine and Blake’s. 

I slapped my right hand on the table as hard as I could and said, “Excuse me! I was talking to the detective before you just took the phone from me Blake! Am I that incompetent?”

I continued to vent. The dam that was holding all the emotions back was broken. “I’m so damn tired of a man deciding what he thinks is best for me. Like lying. Tell me, how is that good for me or my kids? And cheating! Is that good for us too?”

I was standing up, trying to pace. It was more of a limp. “Strip everything from me. I feel like absolute shit and I believed it. I fucking believed it…”

I was losing steam quick. Two arms wrapped around me gently and murmured in my ear, “I’ve got you Gwen. Let it out Pretty Girl.”

And I turned in his arms and did just that, as both our families watched… in fascination.

********

We were back at the table a little while later… However, this time, I was in a completely different mood. My little temper tantrum or break through, whatever you want to label it had exhausted me, but I also felt so much lighter.

I was also extremely embarrassed that Blake’s family had witnessed the entire thing, even though he assured me there wasn’t anything to worry about. I was less worried about my family. I knew they would understand and probably expected something like this from me eventually.

I looked at Dorothy and my parents, our siblings and tried my best to apologize for my behavior. “I’m extremely sorry for my behavior. I could say I don’t know what came over me, but I think I finally just woke up.” I gulped, grasping Blake’s hand in my right one for strength, when I really wanted to disappear. “I’ve been slowly more aware of things, but it was like something just snapped. Anyhow, I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again in this type of space.”

I could feel myself blushing.

A chair scraped back from the table. I found Dorothy walking towards me, then she gave me a very careful hug and smiled. “Stop blushing Gwen. You are amongst family now. And if that helped you somehow, please feel free to do it anytime.”

Cue the tears.

This family… and this mother… they were all so great.

Every member of Blake’s family and mine followed Dorothy’s example and I was a blubbering mess of gratitude by the time they finished. I was thankful the big kids were playing outside because I didn’t want to answer questions about why I was crying, again. The babies were happy playing together in the floor on a blanket.

Blake cleared his throat. Everyone looked at him in surprise, even me. What now? He was smiling, then looked at my dad and nodded. What was this? Then those deep, gorgeous blue eyes met mine. His chiseled good looks took my breath away, literally. I was working on pulling in a bigger breath when I watched him fall to his knees in front of me.

What was he doing? I looked around the table, everyone was smiling. 

Blake gently pulled my left, casted arm towards him and carefully kissed the fingertips. I wanted to cry at the sight. This man was so loving and he was hurt so bad in the past. He winked at me when he caught me staring at his lips a little too long. Then, his fingers went to the ring that rested on my left ring finger.

Oh… no. He wasn’t getting that back.

My temper tantrum wasn’t about him. Didn’t he know that? I thought I had explained it…

“Gwen, I think I could have done a much better job at this… but I’m not that guy. I don’t take rejection well and if I’m honest, I was afraid you would say no. That’s why I didn’t give you a choice by asking you.” Blake said. 

Shit, shit, shit.

Big, sloppy tears dripped down my face. 

“So, I’m going to try this again, in front of our families and for you, I’m going to risk rejection.” he sighed, truly looking worried. He stared deep into my eyes. “I’m asking you to marry me, please. Soon. I feel like it’s been too long already.”

Stick a fork in me… I was done. (I was done before… but at those words, I was really, really done.)

I didn’t realize that I was sitting there like a dunce, staring at him and crying big, fat, happy tears and hadn’t given him an answer yet until Blake broke eye contact and sighed heavily. Was he crazy? Was I crazy? 

Yes to both. 

“Hell yes!” I answered him loudly. He looked up quickly and a slow smile began to spread across his beautiful face… it was glorious to behold.

I did that.

My man was a sight. His caveman tendencies were going to be difficult… but, this man was becoming everything in relationship I ever wanted… what I believed love was supposed to be.

Blake was kissing me, as carefully as he could. I still ended up breathless, because the man simply left me that way on a regular basis. He quirked a brow and I noticed a possessiveness in his eyes, “Same rules apply as before Pretty Girl. No exceptions. Now, let’s move on to what the Detective said.”

With that, all the happy was sucked from the room.

********

“Detective Forsythe said that the light at the bottom of the stairs was broken on purpose. All camera footage is unhelpful at this point. They have not been able to get a good picture of the face of the person that attacked Gwen.” Blake announced to everyone.

I sighed, trying to breath deeply… instead I was breathing harder.

“We’re still waiting to see if there’s any sort of match on fingerprints in the database, but the Detective said he wasn’t hopeful. I would almost say the entire conversation was a waste of time, except forensics were able to pull a shoe print from the scene. It’s a man’s sneaker, size 11.” Blake continued.

Hmm… that information didn’t leave me with anything either, except lack of breath.

“The Detective suggested we remain diligent with Gwen’s safety even though he thinks this was just a one time attack. I disagree with him. I watched part of it. This was personal. So, we’ll kindly thank the detective for his help and any information he can give us and we’re hiring more security.” he said.

The thought of security and strangers invading my personal space in Oklahoma made me grouchy. I knew it was the right thing to do, especially with the kids present. I just hated to have my sanctuary and my time off disrupted. I was being selfish and I knew it, but it didn’t stop me from thinking of different possibilities we could take.

At the moment, I had nothing… but pain.

Maybe it was from being kicked in the head by a guy wearing a size 11 shoe… Who did I piss off? I’d like to kick the guy in the head wearing a pair of 5 inch heels as thanks for being a royal douchebag. 

I was so lost in my revenge plans for Mr. Size 11 that I missed what Blake was saying. I think I needed another nap because I was exhausted. I could feel myself starting to slide down in the chair, even though I was holding onto the table.

“Gwen?” I heard his voice. I replied didn’t I? “Gwen?”

Why wasn’t my mouth working? And why were my limbs so heavy? Why couldn’t I breathe right?

Darkness swirled around me.

Blake’s POV

Normally, I’m the voice of reason and when others are in a panic, I’m the calm during the storm. This is the second time in less than a week that I’ve faced the fact that I’m anything but calm when something is threatening the woman in my arms.

Gwen Stefani was a lifeline directly to my heart.

There was no question about it. If anyone had any doubts about it, they were squashed after witnessing this event… because I was about three seconds from losing my shit when my mother took charge.

I refused to focus on anyone but her. She was it for me. I didn’t know what was wrong with her or what happened, but she had fallen unconscious in my arms. She was unnaturally paler than normal and I noticed her breathing was chopping and ragged. 

Shit.

Broken ribs.

I wanted to hit myself, hard. I fucking deserved it. 

I should have insisted that she stay in bed. She was already up and pushing too fast and too hard. It certainly didn’t help matters to have me breathing down her neck like a Neanderthal, but I couldn’t fucking help it. She made me crazy.

Concentrate shithead… I lectured myself, as I carried Gwen outside, following my mom to the SUV. Frowning at the vehicle, I looked at my mom and said, “Call Victor, tell him to get the chopper ready. I’m not taking any chances with her health.”

If my mom was surprised at the orders I barked at her, she didn’t show it. Gwen’s dad, Dennis, opened the front door of the SUV and hopped in. He said, “Ready.”

I nodded at both of them from the backseat. Gwen held carefully in my arms.

I refused to let go.

Not until I knew what was going on with her and I don’t think I’d let go of her then either. We could just get married in the fucking hospital.

I didn’t care.

I was scared. The idea of her surviving such a brutal attack, just to come back to Oklahoma to succumb to something I couldn’t see or take care of was something I refused to believe.

We’d bring a doctor home with us too, along with security.

I was done with waiting and hoping for the best outcome.

I was going to make sure she received the best of everything from now on.

That included me… I was going to be the man she deserved, wanted, and needed.

When she woke up, I wanted her to see that life was worth fighting for and living.

Because no one needed her more than the boys and I.

I kissed her forehead and prayed as we rushed to the helicopter.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake arrives at the hospital with Gwen.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that is a product of my overactive imagination.

**** This Chapter is entirely from Blake’s POV

I’m Not Her

By 

Rural Reader

Chapter 17

Blake’s POV

Vic, my pilot, couldn’t get clearance to land at the hospital in Oklahoma City, so we were landing in a private airfield as close to it as we could possibly get. While holding Gwen close, I managed to work my phone with one hand and call the member of the hospital of the hospital board that I hunted with on a regular basis. I couldn’t think straight and he was the only number I had locked in my contacts. After speaking with Steven, the board member, he promised there would be emergency vehicles waiting for us when we landed.

As the chopper landed, I could see the lights of the ambulance. I wanted to breathe easy, but I couldn’t until I knew she was going to be okay. I was surprised to see two highway patrol cars were waiting with the ambulance. I guess Steven gave us a full detail to get to the hospital.

I was grateful and I would thank him at a later date when I wasn’t holding my heart in my arms.

Two medics came running towards the chopper with a gurney, ready to take Gwen from me. I wasn’t ready. I would never be ready. Closing my eyes and whispering another prayer to the man above, I surrendered her to their care. I quickly unfolded my large frame from the small space and tried to keep up with them. They were moving fast. That’s when I noticed that Steven was also waiting at the field. I slowed, torn between knowing I needed to thank him and watching the love of my life being taken from me on a gurney.

Steven held his hand up, like a motion for peace. “Your mom called me after you did. I know most of what’s going on. We’ll ride with one of the patrols, following or leading the ambulance okay? It’ll give them more space to work on your girl Blake and no distractions.”

Dammit. I hated that he made sense and I hated being separated from Gwen. The last time we were apart, she was hurt.

Sighing, I nodded and didn’t wait for him as I strode to the patrol car and helped myself to the front passenger seat. There was no way I was sitting in the back and going to be stuck waiting for someone to open the door for me once we arrived at the hospital.

Dennis and my mom took seats in the second car, Gwen was loaded and soon we were off. I was in the lead car, with Steven and from the look of the patrolman, a young man that was fresh out of the academy. However, he didn’t waste time and I appreciated it. 

We were about 8 minutes from the hospital, shorter thanks to our convoy detail making a path for us. I used the time to talk to Steven. “I’m sorry about my abruptness. Thank you for pulling some strings and making this happen, I’m grateful.” I pointed to the ambulance behind us. “That woman is everything to me and if something happens to her, I don’t know what I’d or how…” My voice broke with emotion.

Steven said, “I understand. Say no more. You know she’ll get the best care with us. And you’re welcome. We’re friends Blake, I’m glad I could finally help with something.”

I nodded with relief. He had absolutely no idea how glad I was that he could help. I could have managed, sure. But, having Steven present was going to help immensely.

We rolled to a stop outside the doors of the ER and a team was already waiting to receive Gwen. This wasn’t regular protocol, from my understanding. However, I was distraught enough, I was thankful to see them ready and prepared. 

In a span of two seconds, I was out of the patrol car after a quick, “Thank You,” and standing beside the ambulance, watching them unload Gwen. 

Oh God.

Why was she hooked up to so many monitors? When did they have time to do that? An IV? Oxygen? Shit. Was she tied down?

An arm wrapped around my waist and I found myself staring helplessly down at my mom. “It was less than an 8 minute drive here.” I told her, shaking my head. “Look at her.” 

It felt like my heart was bleeding. I was in agony, watching.

It hurts to watch someone you love go through hell. Did I even tell her that I loved her yet?

Jesus, I’m a tool.

Another hand settled on my shoulder. I looked at Stephanie’s dad, Dennis. His eyes were sad, but resigned. “Come on Blake, we’re not helping here.” he said. “Let’s find some coffee and give the professionals a little time to work.”

Leave her? Were they crazy? I wasn’t letting her out of my sight! Hell, this happened right under my nose! I was beginning to think I couldn’t even trust myself with her fragile soul.

I winced at that thought. She’d eat me alive, then feed me to the dogs if she heard me refer to her as a fragile soul…. But at the moment, she was. I knew my lady was strong and resilient, a force to be reckoned with most of the time… but even the most mighty have challenging days.

Gwen Stefani was having a challenging week.

I was having the fucking week from hell.

I wasn’t willing to leave Gwen’s dad wandering around an Oklahoma hospital on his own. Gwen would never forgive me. She would want me to go with him… I tried to rationalize this with the Neanderthal that lived deep inside of me and didn’t want to lose sight of his mate.

I was now officially negotiating with my inner caveman. Great times.

Sighing with defeat, I looked at Gwen once more and turned to follow Dennis once my mom promised to stay as close as possible. Only then did I fully turn away, leaving my heart behind, in the hands of the trauma doctors and nurses of the emergency department.

********

I stopped counting after the first lap.

We’d been here for three hours and were still waiting for news of Gwen’s condition. I was told the same thing every time I inquired, so I finally stopped asking. “A doctor will be out to speak with you as soon as he can.”

How about now? I was desperate to hear something… anything. I needed a glimpse of her and I would be able to calm down, I was sure of it. 

I glanced at the clock on the wall again. My mom and Dennis were chatting quietly in the waiting area, as I walked another lap around it. How could they possibly sit at a time like this?

This was agony. It was killing me… not knowing anything, not seeing her.

That was it, I was walking back to reception to plead my case again when the reception doors opened and a lone figure, that was dressed in head to toe scrubs, including those shoe coverings, walked out. “Mr. Shelton?”  
Finally!

I looked over at Dennis and my mom and they were on their way to join us. I studied the man in front of me. He was shorter than me, but most people were. He was young, maybe 30. And he looked how I felt. 

He led us to a ‘family room’ where we could talk with privacy. Sitting down in one of the chairs, he waited for each of us to do the same. I didn’t want to sit. I wanted to hear the news and I wanted to get to her...now. 

I waited for Dennis and my mom to sit, then I couldn’t wait a moment more. “Please, please tell me something. Anything.”

The doctor met my eyes. I couldn’t read anything there. His face was a veritable mask. I read the name on his white coat, which looked like it was an afterthought, Dr. Dorsey. “Ms. Stefani is resting comfortably, but I won’t lie to you, it was a trying process to get her stabilized. She may have some damage to her lung, but it’s too soon to know yet.”

What? I fell back against the wall, thankful it was there to catch my weight or I might have passed out from shock. “What’s wrong with her? Please…” I plead with him.

“To put it simply Mr. Shelton, her lung collapsed due to the trauma she’s previously suffered from her ribs. It’s not unheard of for this to happen after multiple broken ribs to the degree that Ms. Stefani has suffered. We have a chest tube in place to help the lung. However, when we were trying to place the chest tube, she suffered from respiratory distress. Therefore, we intubated her so her body could rest and heal from the trauma.”

I felt my body sliding down the wall. My pretty girl was in a world of hurt that I couldn’t fix and it was killing me. I don’t know if I wanted to know anything else if the news was worse. I’m not sure my heart could take it.

I was sitting in the floor, my head head against the wall. Dennis took over the questions because I just couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence. What did we do now? I was always the strong one, but one tiny, amazing woman had just stripped that from me.

My heart was shattered in pieces for her, for us, the boys.

I watched the doctor nod at Dennis. He stopped and put a hand on my shoulder, then left the room.

What did that mean? Was he sorry? Or was that good news?

I needed someone to tell me she was going to be fine and mean it. Actually, I needed to see her and then tell me that. I stumbled to my feet, using the wall to pull me up. “Where is she?” I asked my mom and Dennis.

Dennis sighed and stood. “Come on.”

Silently, we made our way to Gwen’s room.

I was functioning on pure instinct at this point. Nothing would be okay again until I could see her, talk to her, hold her….

********

There were so many wires attached to her, so many more than inside the ambulance.

She was tiny laying in the hospital bed. 

Small and fragile… everything I knew she wasn’t. Seeing her that way broke my heart. Someone was responsible for doing this to her and I couldn’t forget that. However, this wasn’t the time to concentrate on that. I’d deal with the person who hurt Gwen and she wouldn’t have to worry about ever being scared again. 

It was a promise.

It was almost deja vous as I pulled a chair up to her bed. There was a serious difference this time. We were in a room in the ICU and I wasn’t allowed to visit for very long. Believe me, I tried every trick in the book from bribery to calling all the members of the hospital board.

There were no exceptions in this case. I received the same amount of time as all the visitors in the ICU. I wasn’t happy… far from it. I’d deal with my issues though, if it would help Gwen heal.

Sighing, I looked at every tube and every machine. I wanted to memorize everything because I didn’t want to forget this moment, ever. Most guys would want to wipe this memory from their brain. Not me. I’ve learned not to take anything for granted and there was another lesson here.

I might not like it, but I could learn from it.

There were many lessons here, but I took the biggest one. Hold on to what you love and never let go, don’t take life for granted because it’s so very fragile. You can breathe easy one second and the next you’ll slump over in a chair unconscious, like Gwen did. Thankfully, she was still with me. Others weren’t so lucky.

Yeah, I’d take this lesson with heartfelt thanks. I didn’t like the delivery method, but I wasn’t in a position to complain when the woman I loved was still breathing.

Jesus… 

The boys were too young to visit. There were no exceptions for them either. I even appealed to Steven and his hands were tied due to rules and regulations of the facility. What was I going to tell the boys when they asked why they couldn’t see or talk to their mom? I rubbed my forehead, feeling depressed at the thought.

A noise startled me. I watched as a nurse entered Gwen’s room quietly. She smiled briefly at me, then changed Gwen’s IV bags and checked the settings on one of her machines. She looked at me sadly and sighed, “I’m sorry to say this Mr. Shelton, but visiting hours are over.”

I nodded, knowing it was coming. It wasn’t the nurse’s fault. I held up a finger, asking her to give me one moment and she stepped outside, waiting.

Bending over Gwen’s bed, I got as close to her forehead as I could and brushed a kiss there. I murmured, “I love you Pretty Girl,” into her ear and stepped back. I took one last look before I had to leave the room for the night.

I stopped at the nurses’ station, letting them know I wouldn’t be very far if they needed anything for Gwen. I was camping out in the Visitor’s lounge. I refused to leave the hospital while she was a patient here. If I couldn’t stay in her room, I’d damn well stay as close to it as possible. 

Dennis and my mom were already in the lounge, waiting for me. They planned to head back to the ranch tonight to update everyone on Gwen’s condition. I would call them with a daily update in the morning.

I walked down the corridor to the lounge, tired in body in mind. The entire fucking week had been a disaster with the exception of Gwen agreeing to marry me. I couldn’t wait for that to happen. 

Maybe I could distract myself and work on some of the planning while we were here. I wasn’t sure exactly what Gwen wanted and I only knew that I wanted to get married at the ranch, the sooner the better. After this hospital stay, I was seriously considering hauling in a Judge and marrying her here as soon as she was awake, then holding a ceremony later for our families.

I really liked that idea…. No, I loved it.

Thinking about that and what questions I wanted to ask her physician tomorrow morning when he visited, I realized I almost passed the lounge entrance. I heard soft voices talking and one shrill one that always got on my nerves. Suddenly forcing myself to move a little faster, I stepped through the doorway and saw my mom and Dennis having a conversation with the last person I wanted to see right now.

Claire.

I glared at her and asked the only question on my mind. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

She better have a good fucking answer, because I wasn’t dealing with any of her bullshit right now.

My heart was down the hall, half my family was on the ranch.

And I was getting ready to lose my shit.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake tries to adjust to the hospital.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a product of my overactive imagination.

*This Chapter is entirely from Blake’s POV

I’m Not Her

By 

Rural Reader

Chapter 18

Complete silence greeted my question as I waited for Claire to answer it. I looked to my mom for an answer and she shrugged her shoulders, meaning she didn’t know and I knew better than to ask Dennis because he wasn’t familiar with this venomous bitch and her treacherous ways.

However, I was… and so was her ex-husband, Steven.

Steven.

Surely he hadn’t called her to tell her about the situation. Last I knew, the two of them couldn’t stand the sight of each other, let alone a telephone call. I narrowed my gaze on Claire, wanting to get her away from my family as soon as possible. I wanted her out of the vicinity. I didn’t want her anywhere near Gwen, even if she was unconscious at the moment. 

“I’ll ask you again, what the fuck are you doing here?” I snarled at her.

If she was intimidated, she didn’t show it. In fact, she fluffed her hair like she was primping in front of the damn mirror. She gave me a knowing smile, one I didn’t like at all. “A friend from the emergency room called me and told me that there was an emergency involving your family, so I came down to see if I could help.”

Heads would roll as soon as I dealt with this woman. I didn’t know the person that had broke patient confidentiality and called Claire, but I was sure the hell going to find out. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Steven. He was still on the premises thankfully. We’d see how Claire liked me after this phone call. He answered in the middle of the first ring and I smiled at Claire while I spoke to him, “I have something here that I need you to come and collect. I’m in the visitor’s lounge of the ICU. On your way here, maybe you could find out exactly who broke confidentiality on Gwen’s condition too? Thanks.”

Claire’s smile was frozen on her face. She tried to blink at me, but it didn’t quite work either because all she did was flutter her false lashes at me and they stuck together in the corner. She looked fucking ridiculous and if I wasn’t in a damn hurry to get her the hell out of dodge, I would have told her so. I wondered many times how and why Steven could have married this vulture, but considering my ex-wife, I didn’t ask him. Sometimes men were stupid, this was proof of that type of stupidity.

While we were waiting on Steven, I pointed at Claire. “You sit your ass there and don’t move until I tell you to, got it?”

Her eyes widened a bit at the tone of my voice, but I wasn’t playing her games. I watched Steven dance to her tune for years. I knew exactly what she was doing and I wasn’t going to have it. She rebounded quickly, smiled with a look of triumph and took a seat like a queen waiting for her court.

She could wait all she wanted. I’d deal with her once Steven arrived. I wanted to get my mom and Dennis on their way back to the ranch as soon as possible, back to the boys. I closed my eyes as I thought about the boys. I didn’t have time to call King or Zuma at that moment, I made a mental note to rectify that as soon as possible. 

I walked over to where my mom and Dennis waited and sat down for a quick minute. I needed more than a minute. I needed a thousand of them, with Gwen. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that luxury right now. Looking at her dad, I held out my hand, hoping he understood what I was doing. He didn’t miss a beat, he shook my hand and with more strength than I expected, pulled me in for a hug. “She’s going to be okay, Blake. You just have to have faith.” Dennis said to me.

I closed my eyes at his words. They were also Gwen’s words filtering through my mind.

Faith.

Something I’ve never had much of in my life until she walked into it and now it’s what kept me together while it felt like everything around us was on fire. My mind held onto his words like they were a lifeline. I would need them in the coming hours, especially since I couldn’t see her like I wanted.

I nodded at Dennis. “Thank you, for everything.” I told him. “Can you tell the boys a modified version of things? I’ll call tomorrow and talk to them.”

If he was surprised at my request, he didn’t show it. He agreed and stood, ready to head back to the ranch, but laid a hand on my shoulder. “Take care of her Blake. But don’t forget to take care of yourself too or you won’t do her any good.”

With that, Dennis walked out of the lounge into the hall, waiting for me to finish talking to my mom.

I sighed heavily, rubbing my neck. I met my mom’s eyes and I didn’t have to tell her what she could see. My ma was the master at reading her children before we even committed a cardinal sin… she knew we planned to do something before we could even do it. So it was no surprise that she looked over at Claire with distaste, then back at me with a quirked brow. I raised my hands in the air. “I have no idea what she’s doing here. But, I’m going to find out.”

Mom stood, I followed. I towered over her petite frame. “Would you like me to take the trash out for you?” she asked me.

I couldn’t help it. I threw my head back and laughed loudly. It sounded foreign in this quiet and sterile place, but felt great after such a serious day. “Thanks, but I have it under control.”

She nodded. “What can I do to help?”

My mouth was still twitching with laughter. “The boys. If you could give Gwen’s parents a hand with them, I would appreciate it. I don’t trust anyone else and I know she wouldn’t either, except for family.”

“That’s a given son, you know that. Call us tomorrow with an update.” She hugged me, then followed Dennis out, heading back to the ranch via chopper.

That left me one person to deal with and as Steven walked through the door, I thought it was time to get the show on the road.

********

If I had any doubt that Steven knew that his ex-wife was in the building, it was cleared up as soon as he walked in the lounge and saw her sitting in the chair with a smug grin on her face. He looked at Claire with a scowl, then me with a look of worry.

Yeah, I could understand why he would be worried.

Worried I’d toss her ass out first and ask questions later.

I pointed to her. She hadn’t seen him yet. “I thought you might want to collect her since she sure the hell doesn’t belong up here with my family or near Gwen.”

Claire turned around in her chair to see who I was talking to and I watched with great satisfaction as the smug smile was wiped off her face and replaced with a pinched, nervous look. Yeah, nervous was the least of her worries right now… because I wasn’t anywhere near done with this situation.

Steven stared at Claire like she was a bug under a microscope. It was entertaining as hell… or it would have been if circumstances were different. However, right now, I wanted this shit solved and the bitch gone. I sat back down in the chair and pointed towards a group of vacated chairs for Steven. He sat down, but kept his eyes on his ex-wife. 

Shaking my head at this entire mess, I crossed my ankles. “Steven, Claire showed up here, looking for me and knew what was going on. She stated that someone in the emergency room tipped her off that my family had an emergency. I’m sure you see why this worries me.”

Steven’s colored drained from his face at the news of someone in the ER calling Claire. It was a huge breach of patient confidentiality and ethics… Plus, I’m sure there’s other things I’m not even aware of that it violates.

“I want to know who the person is that called her as soon as you discover the culprit.” I announced to him. “And I don’t expect that person to be employed here after the discovery. I refuse to keep Gwen in a facility that cannot ensure her privacy or safety.” I threatened. I hated to do this to my friend, but he needed to understand that I meant business and that her safety was my number one priority, always.

Steven gulped as he met my eyes. He nodded. “I’m sorry Blake. Extremely sorry this has happened. There is no excuse for such a thing and I promise you we will get the answers that you want. And we will do whatever we need to do to ensure that Gwen’s safety and privacy are respected and protected.”

Hmmm…. I was getting ready to play dirty, but I saw a solution and I was going to take advantage of it. 

“Anything?” I asked him.

Steven nodded quickly. “Name it. I want to help in whatever way I can.”

I may be a terrible, horrible person for what I was about to do, but at that moment, I didn’t give a damn.

“I want access to Gwen’s room. Put a chair in the corner, out of the way. I don’t care how hard it is. I won’t disturb anyone or distract the nurses from doing their job. The rooms are big enough for me to squeeze something in there. I don’t care how you do it, but that’s the best way to help us Steven. She’ll heal faster with me present, I know it.”

And I did know. I watched her in Texas. We were like magnets with each other.

He sighed, then nodded. “Consider it done. I’ll call right now, let me just step in the hall and then I’ll deal with her.” He pointed to Claire.

Steven stepped in the hall to call the ICU and make arrangements for me to stay with Gwen. I walked back over to Claire, who was no longer smiling smugly. She looked pissed as hell, with her arms crossed over her chest. I really wanted to laugh. I didn’t. Instead, I gave her a feral smile. “I really should thank you for showing up like you did Claire.”

She frowned at me. Damn, what did Steven see in her? I shuddered.

I decided to explain, because I’m a nice guy like that. “Due to your little stunt, you’ve cost someone their job in the Emergency room. But, it also allows me to stay in Gwen’s room now instead of the Visitor’s Lounge. So I guess I should say thank you for getting me closer to the woman I’m going to marry.”

Now she really looked like she was sucking on a lemon, but she found her voice because she screeched, “YOU’RE MARRYING THAT BITCH?”

Wow. That hurt my ears.

I couldn’t help it. I laughed at her. It probably wasn’t the best thing to do, but damn if I could have held myself back. I decided I was enjoying this too much. I grinned at the shrew in front of me. “Why thank you for asking so nicely. Yes, yes I am. Soon.”

She turned a brilliant, deep red. If I remotely cared about her, I would have worried she was going to bust a blood vessel or something. Her eyes were round and crazy. “She was supposed to die in Texas!” She mumbled to herself.

But, I heard it. Oh, did I hear it.

And so did Steven, who was standing next to me and I didn’t realize it. He gasped in surprise at the same time I said, “What the fuck did you just say?”

She started rocking herself back and forth, muttering about Texas and imcompetent men over and over again. I wanted to shake her and demand answers. I looked at Steven, no idea what to do with this situation now.

He looked as clueless as me. I’m guessing this mental status change was something he’s never dealt with before.

I pulled my phone out and called the police. They could deal with her. Two of us had heard what she said, it wasn’t much, but it was something.

Maybe with their efforts, they could have more luck with Claire and working with the detective from Texas.

This was a long ass day and I wanted to do nothing else but to curl up next to Gwen, conscious or not.

********

The cops left after asking questions for an hour. They took Claire with them.

Thank fuck.

She wasn’t in any better condition after they arrived. It was like something in her brain broke. One of the officers present called it a psychotic episode. Those words were enough for me to request them to remove her from the premises as soon as possible.

I didn’t learn a damn thing more about Texas though, except it seemed that she somehow had knowledge or ties to the attack. The thought infuriated me. The only positive thing from this situation, besides gaining access to Gwen’s room was that Claire was at least off the streets now. She wouldn’t be planning any more attacks, if she was behind the one in Texas.

She was out of our lives and even Steven could breathe a little easier now.

I glanced at my friend.

Sighing, I put my hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry Steven.”

He looked at me, baffled. “Why are you apologizing to me Blake? I’m the one that owes you a huge damn apology!”

I shook my head. “This wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry as hell about the way things turned out with Claire. You can’t help the person you love sometimes.”

He looked at his feet. “You always surprise me. I think I know you and you throw me another damn curveball Shelton. You’ve been doing it for years. Thank you for understanding.”

I nodded at him. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have a woman to see. Thank you for all your help today.”

I walked out of the lounge and towards the ICU where my heart was waiting on me.

********

Three damn days.

That’s how long it took before she opened her eyes.

I was an emotional roller coaster. An absolute mess from watching the machines working on her tiny body hour after hour, then it was day after day…. I began to understand why families weren’t allowed in the ICU for long periods of time.

I wouldn’t trade a moment though.

I talked to her constantly.

I told her stories from my childhood. I told her things I’ve never told anyone about my deepest fears and regrets. I told her bad jokes and raunchy jokes. I even read a tabloid magazine to her for fun.

I didn’t get a response. Her body continued to lay as if it were comatose. Logically, I knew the doctors were keeping her sedated so she could rest and heal… but I just wanted her to move a little or hell, even give me a thumbs up maybe?

On the third day, they lowered her sedation. That night, they took her off the ventilator to see how she would do breathing on her own. I watched everything with my heart in my throat. I felt like I was going to be sick. 

She did great. She was progressing. At least, that’s what the nurses told me with a smile. The doctor even reassured me. Why didn’t I feel better? I could see her, so I wasn’t panicking. I needed more of her…. Did anyone understand?

Earlier in the day, Gwen’s parents drove up and brought my guitar with them at my request. I left while they visited with her and went to the cafeteria to get some food. I took the time to call the boys, like I did daily since the second day. When Endy answered King’s phone, I grew worried until she informed me that all the kids were playing tag outside. I smiled at the thought and was thankful that the kids had a little bit of a routine and childhood while we were gone. I called my mom and checked on Apollo, who was actually happy and awake. After spending ten minutes facetiming with both of them, I hung up in a lighter mood.

Gwen would be happy to know her boys were thriving on the ranch.

It was getting late on the third evening. I pulled out my guitar, staring at the bed, thinking of something I could play for her and not like a fool. I started strumming on my guitar and started the song. It was easy to lose myself in the words, because it summed up how I felt about her…. “What’s your all time high…”

I’m not sure how much time passed, but I’m guessing roughly four minutes. I looked up from my guitar to find two very gorgeous brown eyes staring at me. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. I tried not to throw my guitar down, but I made it to her bed, fast.

“Gwen…” I sighed happily, pushing her hair back, kissing her temple.

Her right hand reached for me. I got as close as possible.

“Jesus, I missed you Pretty Girl. I missed you so much.” I told her, not ashamed to admit the truth. 

Gwen nodded, then attempted to speak. It was broken and garbled from the tube in her throat. “B-b-beautiful song.”

“I was singing to you, hoping to bring you back to me.” I told her. I kissed her right hand. 

“It worked.” She whispered softly. Then smiled tiredly at me.

“If that’s all it takes to make you happy, I’ll sing to you every damn day.” I informed her.

I would. I’d strap on my guitar and sing with the chickens if it would make this woman happy. She hasn’t figured out the lengths I'm willing to go to make her happy.

God help her when she does.

She already has me whipped and we’re not even married yet.

I'm a damn lucky man and I know it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen gets released from the hospital.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. This is a fictional story that is a product of my overactive imagination.

I’m Not Her

By 

Rural Reader

Chapter 19

I was so ready to blow this joint.

Isn’t that what the tough, villainous guys said in the movies? I’d have to watch more of them to remember for certain because after this experience I never wanted to set foot in a hospital again. Don’t misunderstand, the hospital has been outstanding. I’m just so damn tired of the atmosphere, lack of privacy, and missing my boys… I’m more than ready to go home.

Looking to the left, snoring in a recliner, a little drool pooling at the corner of his mouth is the man that has kissed me back to life. He’s been here the entire six days that I’ve been a patient at this fine facility, refusing to leave me longer than to run to the cafeteria. I couldn’t believe his dedication to us in Texas, now there was no question of how far this man was willing to go to prove his worth to me.

He jumped through hurdles to obtain the privacy I wanted, calling in favors. Making my safety his numero uno concern, he refused to leave. I’m a lucky woman on so many levels and I know it. Watching Blake sleep now, he looks so innocent and calm, but underneath that exterior is a passionate man that loves deeply and fiercely.

I wish someone would tell me what I did to receive this sort of blessing in my life. It makes me emotional to think about him… I heard him talking to my children and my heart grew wings. This man was meant to be a father, he was perfect for the role.

Why didn’t he have children?

Another unanswered question I would have to ask at a later date. For the moment, I needed to concentrate on getting released, again. The doctor was supposed to be by this morning and if he was happy with my progress, I’d be allowed to go back to the ranch with ‘restrictions’.... Whatever that meant.

Six days in a hospital will make you agree to whatever restrictions they want to place upon you in order to escape from the white, sterile walls and antiseptic smell. I figured the doctor would have suggested ‘restrictions’ and Blake would modify those even more. I didn’t even care if it allowed me a semblance of normalcy.

Between my parents and Blake, the gap in my memory was quickly filled. It left me deeply troubled and confused after I found out that Claire may have had a hand in the Texas attack. I had one encounter with this woman. Why in the world would she feel a need to orchestrate an attack on me? If she was responsible for it, as Blake and his friend Steven believed she was. The entire situation blew my mind.

Then there was the shoe print. That was a man’s size 11… Did Claire have a boyfriend? Did she hire someone off the street? Maybe someone that hated my music? 

I had so many questions and absolutely zero answers. Blake and I facetimed the Texas detective to advise him of the possible connection here in Oklahoma, but the police had already been in contact with him. He was abrupt and next to no help. When we ended the call, I actually felt like we were bothering him. It wasn’t a great feeling to have after being attacked, especially from someone wearing a badge.

At Blake’s suggestion, I tried to focus on the here and now while I was in the hospital. I spent more time sleeping than I did awake. After they moved me to a regular private room, I slept even more since I wasn’t disturbed nearly as often. I hate to admit it, but time passed quickly for me.

Six days was forever in many ways, but it was also ‘blink and you will miss it’ too. I didn’t question how long that six days was for Blake. All I had to do is look at him to see the toll that this hospital stay had taken on him. He looked like he’d been to War. His beard was growing in heavy on the sides. His hair was a hot mess, with curls askew. (I personally loved it.) He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. And his clothing, while clean, was wrinkled from spending hours in a chair.

A knock sounded at my door, then my doctor walked in. I smiled at him, hoping he was bringing me good news. I thought about waking Blake up and decided against it. The poor guy had such little sleep, he was running on empty. I looked from the doctor over to a lightly snoring Blake and held a finger over my lips, hoping he would understand.

The doctor grinned and nodded. Then removed his stethoscope so he could listen to my lungs. I took several deep breaths in and out when asked, even though it hurt like hell. It was going to hurt for a while, but it was nothing like the agony of the day I went down. 

Ho-ly Jesus. I don’t remember everything… but I remember the pain. 

Closing my eyes, I forced the rising nausea down. “Well?” I asked. “Do I get a get out of jail free card today or what?”

The doctor laughed softly. “Not quite. You do get to go home today, but it’s not going to be a get out of jail free, sorry. You are going to have a few restrictions, Gwen. It’s for the best and to help prevent something like this from happening again while you continue to heal.”

Dammit. But, I’d take it and run.

I nodded. “Good deal. Thank you so much for everything. I don’t mean to be rude, but when can I have my walking papers?”

“What do you mean walking papers? You aren’t walking anywhere.” A stern, masculine voice sounded from the chair beside me. Oh man, someone woke up grumpy pants… 

My poor doctor… he looked from me to Blake and back again, then silently backed out of the room after telling me, “Someone will be in shortly.” 

Then, poof… he was gone.

I swung my gaze over to Mr. Grumpy himself. I quirked a brow at him. “What are you doing? You know I’m supposed to go home today.”

He met my eyes in direct challenge. Oh… here we go. I haven’t seen this in a while.

“You might go home, but you’re going right to bed.” He announced.

He thought so? We’d see about that. I could play too. I wasn’t afraid of getting a little dirt on me. I smiled at him and winked. “I might not feel like it. But thank you for trying to help with my schedule, that’s sweet.”

Blake’s mouth fell open in shock.

“It’s okay Blake. I might feel like sleeping. I just don’t know yet. But you will be the first one to know, I promise.” I continued.

He just stared at me.

“Should I ring for the nurse? You’re really starting to worry me over there? You’ll catch a fly with your mouth open like that.” Then, I giggled. It hurt, but it also felt good to laugh a little.

Blake snapped his mouth shut, then glared at me. “Aren’t you a funny girl today?”

I batted my lashes at him and blew him a kiss, feeling ornery. “I try, but only for you. Someone has to keep you in line.”

His eyes rounded with surprise, then he laughed loudly. “Oh God, I’ve missed you Pretty Girl! I’d like to see you try and keep me in line.”

I scratched my arm, right above the cast. The damn thing was itching. Rolling my eyes at him, I announced, “Well tune in, because the first episode of roping you in and keeping you in line starts as soon as we return to the ranch.”

Good Lord, what was wrong with me? I wasn’t just baiting him, I was openly flirting with him too! Who was I? Did I hit my head again? It didn’t hurt… actually, other than a sore ass chest, I felt great. My headaches were gone and at my last visit to a mirror, my head wound was healing up nicely. It was to the point that I forgot I even had one, unless someone asked me about it or I was fixing my hair.

I woke up with a different view. I wasn’t sure how to explain it to Blake. I don’t know how much he believed in Heaven and things like that, but I didn’t want to ruin our moment either. I’d tell him about it, eventually. Hearing him sing to be was like a beacon. I’d been walking along the beach and I heard the music, lulling me home. When I opened my eyes, there was Blake with his guitar, singing me the most beautiful song. 

I had three days of total black… nothing but voices. I’d come to the surface, hear something familiar, then drift away. There was no heaven during this hospital visit. But, I’m thankful for the three days in a way because not only did it give my body the much needed rest it was demanding, but I never expected to wake up like this… feeling this way.

Rested, recovered, and a figment of the Gwen that first stepped foot in Oklahoma. 

Logically, I knew I wasn’t fully recovered. The doctor had lectured me on that. I was adequately rested, but still fatigued easily if I pushed myself too hard. I learned this from multiple trips to the bathroom during the day. And I was no longer the introverted, lagging mother that stepped foot in Oklahoma all those days ago.

Today, I woke up feeling like Blake’s ‘Pretty Girl’... more in attitude than physical appearance… that last one was going to take some additional time. I felt the colors I was now seeing, the ones that were dull for so very long. I looked at Blake and I felt like my heart was going to explode with the capacity of love I felt for him. Had I even told him that I loved him? I needed to rectify that…. Could I do it without him getting an even bigger ego? Shrugging, I figured I could handle that too. 

“The room is full, yet it is silent.” Blake observed. 

My man was sharp. I needed to buy him a trophy.

“Why do I need a trophy Gwen, when I have you?” he asked me, walking towards the bed.

Shit, shit, shit. 

I was doing so well and he had to go and ruin it!

He was smiling broadly now as he took a seat on my bed. I glared at him. “I am not a trophy Mr. Shelton. I am a badass. You’ll do well to remember that.” I snapped.

This man…. Ruffled my feathers.

He chuckled. “Tell me more, please. Can’t you be my trophy and a badass together?”

Hmm…. He posed an interesting question.

I quirked my brow. “I’ll take your question under advisement.” I assured him. He laughed softly, then leaned in to brush his lips lightly against mine.

It was enough to ignite a fire… I wanted more, more, more.

I groaned into his mouth and tried to pull him against me. The jerk only laughed more and stood up so I couldn’t reach him. “There will be none of that until your doctor clears you for that activity and I believe I read it on the list of ‘restrictions’.”

What? He better be joking!! 

I gave Blake the dirtiest look I could, then glared at the paperwork he was now holding in his hand. “Give me that. I want to see this list of restrictions for myself.” I said.

His eyes were dancing. This was playful Blake and he was certainly enjoying himself. I’d remember this too. “I think I’ll hold on to them. I want to make sure this list makes it to the ranch and we can fully accommodate the doctor’s suggestions.”

My mouth fell open in shock.

The doctor’s suggestions? I wanted to smack that smug smile off his face too. Just wait until I saw his mother. She could help me rope his ass in. He was out of control and I was going to call him on it. “You are out of control Mr. Shelton!”

He flashed me a huge grin, then he bowed. “At your service, Pretty Girl.”

I was speechless. I had nothing.

But I would think of something, eventually.

So I decided to try my bossy side, to see if it worked any better on him. “Take me home Cowboy.”

********

At the doctor’s suggestion, Blake drove us back to the ranch.

By the time we pulled up to the main house, it was late afternoon and I was wiped. I was disappointed because I really wanted to visit with the boys and everyone else, but one look at Blake’s face, that wasn’t happening right now.

He could read me so well and I wasn’t exactly trying to hide anything. 

Blake sighed as he turned off the SUV. “Gwen, I don’t want to be the bad guy. But if you don’t take care of yourself, we’re going to be right back in the hospital again. Let’s do it right this time.”

Ugh, those were a parent’s fighting words… he didn’t even know it. He was also right.

I grumbled. “I know that. You’re right. I just don’t like the limitations my body is putting on me, especially now that I finally feel like I’m alive, I want to do everything dammit.”

Blake’s large hand was wrapped around my cheek, turning my face to look at him. “I know you do. You will get a chance to do everything you ever wanted, I promise. How about you heal first and then you can conquer whatever you feel like?”

I covered his hand with mine. This man was demanding, but so sweet too. “You have a deal… for now.” I grinned at him.

Rolling his eyes at me, he kissed me on the nose and laughed. Then got out of the SUV to help me inside. That was another promise he somehow managed to get out of me on the way home. 

I was a giant pushover for this man. 

Securing me from the vehicle and carrying me up the sidewalk was easy for Blake. He could even open the front door while carrying me, although I tried to help. We stepped through the entryway to a loud “SURPRISE!!!” and I almost jumped out of his arms.

Looking around, I saw both of our families were assembled around, waiting for us. The scowl on Blake’s face made me laugh… it seems his mother forgot to run her plans by him. I owed her big time. I’ve been trying to get him to scowl for 2 days….

I waved at everyone, thrilled to see them. I caught a glimpse of two of my children as they were chasing Endy’s kids. I smiled, happy to know they were settling in and making friends so easily. Dorothy was carrying Apollo, who started jumping and smiling when he saw me. I was so happy I couldn’t contain the tears that streamed down my face.

Blake’s scowl was replaced with a look of happy resignation once he saw the kids. He carried me towards the kitchen and set me carefully in a chair. I grabbed his sleeve before he left, “Can you bring me Apollo for a little while?”

He grinned. “I’ll be right back.”

Our siblings were seated first. I waved at Todd and Jen, then Endy. I didn’t see her husband, so I guessed he was working. Our parents slowly followed. My parents both hugging me lightly, then Dorothy.   
Where was Blake?

I started to get up from my seat to go look for him and Apollo. Dorothy caught me and smiled knowingly. “Just stay put darlin’. He’ll be back in a hot minute or two.”

I grinned, thanking her…. But exactly what was a hot minute or two? Better yet, exactly how long was a hot minute or two? I was growing an extensive vocabulary that existed primarily on the terminology while in Oklahoma.

Looking around, I noticed that my other two children had suddenly vanished too. The bigger kids continued to play, minus King and Zuma. I wasn’t overly concerned yet, more curious. There were too many Stefanis and Sheltons in the house for an outsider to risk anything.

That’s when I heard my mother gasp, “Oh my, how handsome!”

I turned in my chair to get a glimpse of the handsome she was talking about and there were my two big boys, dressed to impress in Oklahoma finery. They had tight jeans and western shirts on with impressive cowboy boots in dark colors. They looked so cute, where was my phone? I wanted pictures.

Then Blake came in carrying Apollo, both of them wearing grins and matching western clothes. Their shirts were both blue, but I thought that Blake’s might be a bit darker in color. Have I ever seen Blake wear jeans that tight before?

Lord have mercy…

Apollo had on a pair of baby Wranglers, which I had heard of but wasn’t quite familiar with yet. And on his feet were the cutest pair of baby cowboy boots I’ve ever seen. They were tiny and brown in color, like Blake’s.

Why were all my guys dressed up and I was sitting here in a simple summer dress that Blake insisted was all the store had in my size…..

Oh.

Well, Blake was a superb actor… and that scowl…. But why were we dressed up?

A knock at the front door surprised me. Considering we were all present and accounted for, I wasn’t expecting company and I didn’t think Blake was either. Blake, carrying Apollo with him, went to answer the front door.

An older, tall man followed Blake and Apollo back to the kitchen. I could tell they were friends from their demeanor. He had a distinguished air about him, but the sparkle in his eyes as he came forward to greet me suggested he was as goofy as Blake. I didn’t tell him any of this, of course. 

“You don’t have to Gwen, Jed just heard it for himself.” Blake laughed loudly. Then introduced the two of us. “Jed, meet my Gwen. And Gwen, this asshole is one of my oldest friends, we go way back.”

My eyes widened a bit, then I giggled as much as my ribs would allow.

I shook Jed’s hand. “It’s always nice to meet a good friend of Blake’s. I think you are the first one I’ve met. I was beginning to wonder if he had any.” I said.

Jed threw his head back and laughed loudly until tears gathered in his eyes. “Oh Blake, you have met your match. Oh how the mighty have fallen.”

Blake was grinning proudly. I rolled my eyes at both of them. They were both a mess. And I still didn’t know why my guys were dressed up and while Jed seemed great, I couldn’t understand why he would want to come to a party that was celebrating my return home.

Then I spotted dessert and I’m Italian and we love food. I whispered to Dorothy. “Can I have a piece or three of that cake over there?”

She looked from me to Blake and back again, but didn’t answer right away. I was so confused. Sighing, I looked at Blake. “Okay, what gives? Am I grounded from the cake too?”

A grin of pure delight spread across his face. “Absolutely not. In fact, you can eat the entire damn cake, in a few minutes. First, we’re getting married. That’s why Jed is here. He’s the county judge.”

My heart stopped for half a second and I blinked. I double checked to see if maybe this was a practical joke.  
Nope, everyone had serious, but happy faces.

Okay then…

Back up the bus and let me off.

I missed a few stops.

Especially the important ones.

Like the planning.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Blake Shelton was born with a silver tongue.

He could talk his way out of any situation…. Or rather, me into anything.

That’s how I found my way standing in front of Jed, with Blake at my side and our families surrounding us. My mom held Apollo and King stood as Blake’s best man and Zuma stood up next to me. 

Fifteen minutes later, we were married according to Oklahoma State law and Blake was kissing me to seal the deal. I registered the whistles and clapping from everyone, but I was really too busy enjoying the feel his lips on mine to care. I sighed when I felt him pull slightly away, but he kept me close to his chest.

How did this happen again? I could imagine reading the tabloid headlines now, “Gwen Stefani breaks down in Oklahoma and is Swept off Her Feet by Country Voice Judge”... or “Real or Fake: Stefani and Shelton’s lovefest”... 

I had a love/hate relationship with the tabloids after my divorce. I tried my best to protect my children and to maintain my privacy, but some things still leaked. I found myself the subject of Entertainment shows, talk shows, media outlets, magazines… the list was endless… so it wasn’t like I didn’t have any experience in the area. I knew that Blake had his own past with the same tabloids.

But this news was a matter of public record and we would need to get ahead of it or we would find ourselves in the middle of a media storm, something I did not want or need. We all needed privacy. 

We needed to talk about this today...eventually. Soon. Now. Rather, as soon as we were able to escape from everyone…. 

I found myself being passed gently from person to person as I was hugged, kissed, and either welcomed to the family or Congratulated on my marriage. I caught Blake’s eyes and laughed as he was forced to endure the same thing as I was. 

We met in the middle of the large group when our families were done with their well wishes. I was bright red from either exertion of being passed around like a sack of potatoes or embarrassment, I’m not sure which. I was happy to note that Blake was also bright red as well. It was good to note that I wasn’t the only one slightly embarrassed from the attention.

The tapping of a glass drew my attention to the right. My dad was holding a wine glass in hand, with a beaming smile on his face. “This is occasion, although slightly unexpected, calls for a toast! On behalf of the Stefani family, I’d like to welcome Blake and the rest of his family to ours!”

My daddy… always surprising me with his unconditional acceptance of my choices and unwavering support, even when I made the decision to file for divorce. (Something that was unheard of in my family.) My parents never changed, always showed up, and were my biggest fans.

His simple speech touched my heart and Blake wrapped him in another hug that left him laughing before he joined me again. Another glass was raised, this one by Dorothy. “First, I’m honored to welcome y’all to Oklahoma. Second, I couldn’t ask for a more genuine or sweeter daughter-in-law or grandchildren. I’m excited to add to the entire Stefani family to our gatherings!”

Cue the tears.

They streamed down my face. 

I broke down in Oklahoma. I was in a hopeless state and beyond depressed. One simple cowboy turned my world upside down and made my weary heart start beating again. With him I had found safety, acceptance, and most of all, love. With his family, I was finding peace.

In Oklahoma, I was discovering I hadn’t really lost myself. I was just buried under layers and layers of self-doubt and loathing. Was I suddenly cured? No. But, I could recognize the problem now and that was the first step in healing.

I was staring at the second step of the healing process… love. I never, ever thought I’d be able to love someone again. It’s a huge risk to put your heart out there again. To be honest, I didn’t even have a chance to fight it, Blake Shelton is that person for me. 

We had so many things to figure out still… where were we going to live full time? I was based in California and he wasn’t. My kids went to school there, but they were thriving here in a way they never did in California.

My thoughts were interrupted again when two arms wrapped around my waist. I tilted my head back and smiled at my husband. Two words that I loved and I never thought I’d be blessed enough to say again…. “What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Debating whether we can escape this mini party or if we have to stay for cake.” He whispered in my ear.

I chuckled, then winced. I couldn’t wait until I could laugh without pain. “For future reference, I’m Italian, we never skip dessert. I’ve been eyeing that cake since we arrived.”

He sighed heavily, like it was a chore. Poor Blake. He had to suffer a little longer while I ate cake. We gathered around the table and passed the cake around. I settled in the chair, with Apollo in my lap. I ate two pieces of cake and played with my baby. It felt like years since I’d spent any time with my children. I was soaking up the moment.

Apollo grabbed one of my ears and pulled himself to a standing position. I grinned at him. “What are you doing baby?” I asked him. I had to be careful with my ribs while handling him, but he felt so great in my arms. One of Apollo’s arms went waving around and clocked me in the chin. I laughed, then Blake plucked him out of my arms, claiming it was his turn to spend time with him.

He sat close to me so we could play with Apollo together. He was teething because there was drool all over his cute shirt. His curls were in disarray, much like Blake’s were. The thought made me smile.

While Blake continued to play with Apollo, I looked across the table at King and Zuma, both were actively talking to Endy’s kids. I hated to interrupt them, but I wanted to at least ask them if they were having fun. “So King and Zooms, how are you two liking ranch life?”

Two huge grins stared back at me and both started talking at once. I laughed. “Zuma, why don’t you go first?” I said. He nodded quickly, holding his fork in his hand as he talked, “It’s the absolute best! There’s all kinds of animals here Mom! And those sport vehicle things! I like going to Aunt Endy’s too!” I was grinning as he finished. Then I looked at King, who stared at his brother like he told a secret. “The animals are my favorite part. There’s fishing too. I want to try that out. There’s so much to do and so many trees!”

My kids were happy. They were almost glowing with excitement and it was contagious. This is all I wanted for them… their happiness. Blake had given us that. It was a priceless gift.

I couldn’t possibly love the man more.

Speaking of my man, where was he? I looked to see him talking quietly to our parents. Dorothy was holding Apollo and nodding. It looked like a serious conversation and I wondered what I was missing this time. I was tired of being left out of the loop… it was going to stop, as soon as Blake and I had a discussion.

Blake hugged all three parents and came walking back to the table with a carefree expression. My worries eased when I saw the expression on his face. That didn’t mean we weren’t going to talk, but at least maybe I didn’t have to worry about something terrible around the corner this time.

He stopped and looked down at me with a smile playing on his lips. “Are you ready?”

What? We just got here! 

I shook my head, “Where are we going? We just got here!”

He chuckled and picked me up in his arms. “Not far and it’s only for the night.”

Dear God… I stared at everyone that was staring at us with knowing smiles on their faces. I was going to die of embarrassment. I was absolutely mortified.

“Blake it’s not even dark.” I whispered in his ear. “And everyone is staring!”

“Your powers of observation are on point wife.” He laughed.

I was going to kill him… the first chance I had. Okay, maim him. 

I didn’t even want to ask what was next… this man looked at surprising me as a challenge and he was surprisingly good at it. I had enough surprises today to last me a while.

********

Blake pulled up in front of the guest house and yes, I was surprised again.

“That’s it? We’re going to the guest house for the night?” I asked. I was relieved. I didn’t want to leave the ranch. I didn’t want to leave my family again so soon.

Blake laughed. “Don’t sound so excited. Yes, that’s it. I thought it would be nice to have a little privacy for the first night. With your restrictions, I can’t make love to you properly, but I sure as hell can hold you.”

This man…. So thoughtful. My heart turned over at his words.

“I’d really love that.” I told him. “I’d also like to discuss a few things, if you are up for it.”

He looked concerned, but nodded. “Absolutely. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

I started to open my door when he looked at me with an expression that said, “Really?” Sighing, I sat back and waited for him to come around and help me from the vehicle. I’d cater to his male ego today.

Fifteen minutes later, we were settled into the master suite of the guest house. I was stripped down to my panties, at Blake’s demand. Who was I to argue? I was fine with it as long as I wasn’t the only one stripped down to my undies. 

I was sprawled on Blake’s chest, arranged carefully to avoid irritating my healing wounds. His hand was wrapped around my hip, holding me tightly. I was warm and felt so safe, it was a foreign concept. 

This was my life now. He was mine.

I felt the coldness from his wedding ring against my back and that reminded me of the seriousness of the chat we needed to have. This was not a chat that most newlyweds had… but we weren’t most people and it had to be done sooner, rather than later. “Blake, I thought of something earlier that I think we need to take care of soon, if not today.”

“Hmmm?” He asked, as he played with my hair.

My man was tired and relaxed. I knew it and I felt bad for bringing this up right now, but I also didn’t want any more unexpected surprises. “Are you listening to me?” I asked him.

“Uh huh.” he replied.

The master of answering sentences it appeared. Sighing, I used my good hand to push off the bed, while keeping the sheet to cover my chest, because, hello…. Almost naked here ... and sat up, “We need to call my publicist or your publicist and get ahead of things because our marriage is a matter of public records. Now do you want me to call mine or do you want to call yours?”

He was laying on his back, with a hand tucked behind his head smiling at me like something amused him. Quirking a brow, I poked him in the chest with a finger. “What’s so damn funny?”

His grin widened. “You are, when you get a hot and bothered about something.”

I was beginning to wonder how his mother survived him. This man was annoying!! Cute, but annoying! “I’m serious Blake!” I said.

Rolling his eyes, he reached for me and pulled me back down into his arms. “Just settle down there Turbo. I already took care of it. In fact, it should make the news tomorrow morning around the world. Did you know that we share the same publicist? She said Congrats, by the way.”

He did what?!? Sweet baby Jesus.

I wasn’t prepared for that type of announcement. The entire world? I needed to lie down…. Wait, I was lying down. 

Shit, shit, shit.

My ex… was I supposed to inform him? I couldn’t remember what our parenting plan stated since I had the boys and he rarely visited them. I never bothered to read it.

Ho-ly Shit.

Blake was suddenly above me, looking deep into my eyes with concern. “What’s wrong now Pretty Girl?” he asked.

How did I explain this crappy situation to him? I hate lies and everything they stood for, so I just dumped it on him.

“The boys father. I can’t remember if I am supposed to inform him if I get remarried or not. I’m sure it’s in the parenting plan of our settlement, but I never took the time to read it since I always have the boys.” I tried to explain.

I don’t know why I was afraid Blake was going to be mad. He looked thoughtful instead. “Do you have your phone with you Gwen?”

I pointed to my pile of clothing, which was on the floor. He hopped up and secured my phone, then handed it to me. “I transferred your contacts over. See if your lawyer’s number is in there. If not, we’ll call mine.” Blake suggested.

Furrowing my brow, I went to work. It took less than a minute to find the number. I looked at him to see what he wanted me to do. This was his plan, not mine. “Call your lawyer now, tell him or her that you just got remarried and that you aren’t certain if the boys father needs to be informed. If he does, ask her to make certain that happens. It takes the stress off of you and still gets the job completed.”

I stared at him. Why didn’t I think of this? I was sweating bullets, thinking I was going to have to talk to him on the phone and Blake handed me a very simple solution. Shaking my head in disbelief, I leaned forward and brushed a kiss on his lips and murmured, “Thank you.”

I called my lawyer, Laura, on her private line. She and I were old friends, so I had her cell number. After a brief discussion, her initial surprise, and a long explanation of our current circumstances, she agreed to take care of the matter. After extending well wishes, we hung up.

I set the phone down, feeling a hundred pounds lighter. I looked at Blake and debated the next subject and thought, why the hell not? We had to figure it out eventually and we had time now.

“Thank you for helping me with that.” I told him. “Now, let’s move on to the next item on the agenda… where are we going to live full-time?”

Blake looked shocked. He wasn’t prepared for my question, which means he hadn’t given it any thought either. It wasn’t a big deal at this moment, but it would become a huge ordeal eventually. We would have to settle on our residency, somewhere.

“I can see you weren’t prepared for my question. I’m sorry.” I mumbled.

He stopped me, kissing me as deeply as he dared. When he released me, I was as close to breathless as I could safely be. His blue eyes stared deep into mine. Then he surprised the shit out of me. “I wasn’t shocked Gwen. I was prepared to just visit Oklahoma on the weekends, when we had time or vacations. I knew what I was getting when I married you. A family that is settled in California.” 

He shrugged. 

I was going to cry. This man… my heart.

I moved so I could see him better, even if the sheet glided down, exposing most of me to open air. I didn’t give a damn. “There’s this thing in marriage, called compromise. I don’t expect you to settle down in California, just because that’s where the boys and I are based. To be honest, I happen to love Oklahoma. I know you have to be in California for a certain amount of time. What if we split the time equally? We’ll stay in California when you’re working and Oklahoma when you aren’t? I have a feeling that the boys will be absolutely thrilled with that decision.”

Blake looked at me in awe. “You’re sure?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m at peace here more than anywhere else on Earth, except for your arms… or haven’t you noticed? Apollo is calmer here. King and Zuma love it here. There’s enough room for my family when they visit… just expect them often.”

Blake laughed and gently pulled me closer, kissing me again. I groaned into his mouth, wanting more. He nipped my bottom lip playfully, then kissed it better. A large palm curled around my bare breast and I almost came from the feel of his rough palm on my sensitive skin.

Sweet Mother of…. Then his lips made contact with my nipple, wrapping around it and I was done. 

I saw stars… maybe a comet or two. 

I’m not certain. 

My last thought before I passed out cold was I finally understood why they referred to it as Holy Matrimony….

I mean…. Seriously.

Ho-ly Matrimony.

Bless these rings.

And my husband.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I was face down in the bed with zero energy or will to get out of it.

My husband was a beast. The best kind of beast out there. A big, beautiful beast. My beast. A hungry, ravenous beast. 

I peeled open one eye and watched said beast walk around our bedroom naked and full of energy. I was jealous of that energy because the thief stole it all from me throughout the night. I’m not complaining or anything… but it’s not fair that he looks so perfect and I’m stuck laying face down like a limp noodle.

How am I like this when I’m on restriction?

I’ve discovered that my husband, my man, my heart… not only has a silver tongue, but also a very, very active imagination that he put to use on our wedding night. He put me through the ringer in so many ways, I’d probably blush if I still had energy. 

It was the best night of my life… no comparison anywhere in sight. I had zero idea that the passion that existed between us was a real thing outside fairy tales, let alone could grow. And let me tell you, it got hotter, deeper… so much depth that I’m still shook.

There’s no question that I got it right this time. It only took a failed marriage and breaking down in Oklahoma to fix my life… well, to begin the process. Actually, this felt more like divine intervention each day that we spent together, growing closer and learning a little more. There’s no way I would have found him without God’s help.

I whispered a prayer of thanks to God for sending me Blake… for sending him for my boys. A woman like me, in her 40s, with 3 children and divorced didn’t have an easy time even dating, let alone finding a gift in a man like Blake Shelton.

Yes, I’d be counting my blessings and saying a lot of prayers.

“Are ya ever gonna get up Pretty Girl? We’re supposed to be at the main house for lunch.” Blake reminded me, smiling.

I groaned in protest. I didn’t want to move. My muscles protested. Sighing, I sat up slowly. “Can’t we facetime or something?” I whined.

Blake laughed. “Sorry, not today. I promised to take the boys fishing.”

He played the one card that would get me moving. The parent card and promise. I didn’t promise the boys much, but when I did, I did everything in my power to keep my word. I smiled at Blake as I sat up, thinking he was already such a parent and didn’t even realize it.

He noticed my crooked grin. “What’s up with that funny grin over there Stefani-Shelton?” Quirking a brow at the new name, I laughed lightly. That was a mouthful if you said it quickly. “I’m just thinking mom stuff. You’ll figure this stuff out eventually.”

He looked at me, baffled. “I’ll figure out mom stuff?”

Rolling my eyes, I snorted. “No, I meant you’ll figure out the parent stuff eventually.”

I pulled on a pair of jeans that were packed in an overnight bag and a tee. Then slid my feet in my Vans. Blake scoffed at my statement. “Figure it out? Hell, I’ve already got it figured out. Piece of cake.”

I grinned at his bragging. We’d see about that. Brave words from a man with no biological children. I looked at him and said, “Ready?”

The poor guy. He looked shocked that I was ready to go so fast. He nodded and started for the door, then stopped suddenly. “I almost forgot something.” He said.

“What?” I asked, starting to turn around to look at the bed. He caught my arm gently and pulled me towards him, then bent and took my lips in as feverish kiss as we both dared.

Oh ... be still my heart.

I sighed and leaned into his embrace. He groaned, then murmured, “I can’t wait until your damn ribs heal.”

That made the two of us. If I could speed up the healing process, I would. This was not an ideal time to be newly married, but that was Blake’s fault. I almost laughed at the thought.

“Okay, let’s go or we’re going to end up back in bed for the day and disappoint more than just the boys.” I said. He sighed against my lips, then picked me up in his arms again, like I wasn’t able to walk on my own still.

“We’re still doing this?” I asked him with a nudge of my arm. He grinned. “I have longer legs, we’ll make better time.”

Lord… this man. 

And I could vouch for those long legs since I spent most of the night with mine entwined with them… 

********

I know absolutely next to nothing about fishing.

After this expedition, I’m happy to leave it to the boys. I’m not even certain why I came… I think because I wanted to watch the bonding between the guys and I’ll admit, I was a little bit curious about fishing in the wild. 

I rolled my eyes, remembering the roar of laughter that followed when I mentioned ‘fishing in the wild’. Blake’s family found that statement absolutely hilarious. I wasn’t certain what was so funny, but I joined in the laughter, waiting for someone to explain why they were laughing. Poor Endy had pity on me. “Gwen, you make Oklahoma sound like the Amazon rainforest. Have you never fished before?”

I shrugged. Not really anything that qualified, unless you counted trying to get a fish out of the Koi pond while drunk with the guys when I was younger. However, I’d never admit that to anyone right now. Endy hugged me with a smile. “I’m glad you get to experience this then. You’ll have fun.”

Fun was a relative term.

I had fun watching the excitement on my kids faces as Blake taught them how to hold their reels, how to properly cast, and then how to tell if they had a fish on their line. I was even more excited than the boys when they each caught their first fish and reeled them in successfully, with Blake’s help. I took pictures of the boys and Blake with their first fish, and took video of them reeling in their first fish.

Yes, their excitement was contagious.

Then the fish quit biting and I got bored. So I started to wander around the creek bed while the guys were fishing. Nature fascinated me and everything around me was so beautiful… the trees, even the rocks. 

I lost track of time. I found a couple of interesting looking stones in the creek that I wanted to share with Blake later. At the moment, I was studying a plant growing up a tree that was everywhere I looked. Was it native? I picked a leaf off and studied it. There were no flowers on it, it was just a growing ivy.

Huh.

I wondered if I could transplant some of it to California to grow in my garden, it would look gorgeous at Christmas time. I tucked it into my pocket with the stones so I could also ask Blake about it. 

I heard the boys calling my name nearby, so I turned to head back the direction I thought I came from, but stopped suddenly when I heard a rattle. I’ve heard that rattle before… in the zoo. As I was searching the ground, there was a quick dart that was so fast I only saw something go for my shoe. I felt my adrenaline spike and I backed up until I smacked into a tree.

That’s when I finally spotted the snake. He was hidden under sticks and half a pile of leaves. He looked to be a good size snake…. But what do I know about snakes, except for what I watch on Animal Planet or see at the Zoo? I slowly kept moving back, watching the snake as I did so. I wanted to put distance between us, but my left foot was feeling a little numb… I thought he just tagged my shoe…

I decided it was best just to call for my husband. “Blake! I need you!”

Bless my man, I call, he’s fast.

He came up behind me. I pointed to the snake, then my foot and said, “I think he might have gotten my foot, but I’m not sure.” 

Color drained from Blake’s face, but he moved quickly after telling the boys to stay far back. It took less than 30 seconds for Blake to take care of the rattler and to scoop me in his arms. Then, he was running with me to the ATV and yelling for the boys to follow.

What was the hurry? So my toes were a little numb. It wasn’t my entire leg like you see on Animal Planet or one of those Discovery Shows and my leg didn’t even hurt. I tried to enjoy the scenery on the way back, but Blake was going really fast. Did the boys even have their seat belts on? I turned around to check and Blake looked at me with panic. “Stay put baby. I’ll have us home soon.”

Baby? That was a new one. I kinda liked it though. Home. I really liked that.

The boys were chattering on and on about their fishing expedition, even though they caught a grand total of 2 fish each. They were already talking about their next outing and what type of bait they wanted to use. I shook my head at their conversation. I was elated that they were outside and not playing video games. In fact, had they even played video games much since we’d been in Oklahoma?

My arms were starting to itch. Ugh. I scratched above my cast, thinking my bone must be healing because itching was a good sign. Why was my right arm itching? Sympathetic itching? Is that a thing? I’d have to look that up. I continued to scratch as my mind went full speed ahead. 

I was scratching my neck when I asked Blake about my stones. “I found a couple of neat looking stones I want to show you.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “Pretty girl, why are you bright red?”

Huh? I was? I scratched my face, then my ear. Stupid nervous habits. I thought they were gone. I shrugged. “I don’t know. The sun?”

Blake bit his lip as he drove, but didn’t say anything. I looked at him with suspicion. He was hiding something. I knew that look. “Am I allergic to the sun or something?”

He nodded and said, “Or something.” 

Then he pulled up to the main house and had me in his arms, making quick work to get to the door. “King, can you get the door for us? Be careful not to touch your mom.”

I frowned at him. That wasn’t fair. I didn’t mean to stir up a snake.

King looked confused, but shrugged.

Blake sighed. “I’ll explain in a minute. Let’s look at that foot first okay?”

I shrugged. He was the expert outdoorsman. 

I watched as he took off my Vans, then my ankle sock. On the top of my big toe, you could see where the snake’s fang had tagged me. However, it didn’t look like I thought a snake bite would look and it certainly didn’t look like the many I’ve seen on television. I studied my toe with fascination.

“Well?” I asked him, scratching my neck.

Blake lowered his head on my lap and released a huge breath and mumbled something I couldn’t hear. I poked him. He looked up with a serious face and somber eyes. “It’s a dry bite. That means no venom, Thank God. I don’t know if my heart could have stood it. New rule for you. Any time we head out into the woods from now on, you are wearing boots. No exceptions.”

I scratched my left shoulder and nodded. This sounded like a smart plan, so I found no need to argue with him. “Okay Blakey. Can I show you my stuff now? I’m kinda proud of it.”

His lips twitched at he pulled up a chair to sit in front of me. I pulled the leaf and stones out of my pocket. I showed him the leaf first. “I found this and I thought maybe we could take some to California. I think it would look great at Christmas time.”

Blake closed his eyes and then threw his head back and laughed loudly.

Now what? I glared at him as I scratched my right arm with my bum left hand. It seemed I was entertaining everyone today! Rolling my eyes, I asked, “Would you mind telling me what’s so damn funny?”

He pointed at me and then the leaf, then started laughing again.

Of course, his laughter drew an audience. Our parents wandered into the living room, curious where the noise was coming from. Dorothy stopped and looked at me, then at the leaf in my hand. She blinked and asked, “Gwen, honey, why are you holding a leaf of poison ivy?”

Sweet Jesus.

I’m a moron of epic proportions. No wonder Blake was having laughing fits. And oh my gosh, no wonder I’m itching!! I closed my eyes… absolutely mortified. I wanted to disappear because it was too damn embarrassing to explain.

I looked at the floor, feeling the blush in my cheeks. I was also feeling the need to scratch, a lot. And I don’t know if it was an adrenaline crash or the room full of people to witness my idiocy, but tears started falling and I couldn’t stop them.

I kept my head down and let the tears fall.

I couldn’t take anymore today, even though these people were lovely. I just didn’t have it in me to cope with more.

Blake’s laughter had stopped at some point. I didn’t look to see what he was doing. I was too busy holding myself together in front of the boys. It was bad enough they witnessed my tears. Hell, it was bad enough that our parents were present.

I felt the leaf plucked out of my hand. I glanced up to see which person was brave enough to throw it away. Instead, I was shocked again… I watched as Blake met my eyes and then he handled the leaf with both hands, just like I did. He brushed it up one arm and then the other. Finally, he ran it over his neck and then got up and threw it away.

I stared at him with confusion. “Why did you do that? I asked him.

“It’s my fault that you didn’t know what it was to begin with. I should have showed you and for that I apologize. I’ll never leave you like that on your own again without making sure you are adequately prepared and educated.” He said. “And you’re likely going to have a miserable few days once that breaks out, now you won’t be alone.”

I quirked a brow at him. “How so?”

He flashed me a devilish grin. “Misery loves company, Pretty Girl.”


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I was covered.

Everywhere.

Poison Ivy is the devil. I was never going into the woods again. Never, ever, ever. I stared at an inch of clear skin and wondered briefly if I’d ever look normal again…. I considered it wasn’t likely considering there wasn’t much on my body not covered in the hideous rash.

Then, there was Blake. I glared at him. The man practically rolled in the leaf. One leaf! He had one rash on his arm. One! I was so mad at the unfairness of the rash, that I wanted to lodge a complaint against the person in heaven that handed out rashes, because this was just sexism at work.

Blake started laughing beside me in bed. “Sexism huh?”

God Bless America…. And this man. How I haven’t killed him or maimed him the three days I’ve been laid up with this plague, I don’t know. It made me feel horrible too because I was super grumpy and he was the exact opposite, sweet.

The good news is that thanks to a visit from Blake’s personal family physician to the ranch, I was treated with a strong enough dose of steroids, ‘to cure a family’ Although I’m not sure the whistle from the doctor when he examined my rash was exactly necessary.

At least I was no longer an itchy mess. Now I was just a patchy mess. I hope Blake didn’t want a boring marriage because I was proving to be a handful. I looked at him again and grinned, with my nasty rashy face and all. “Is this marriage all you signed up for?” I asked him sarcastically.

He rolled to his side and smiled back at me, knowing I was baiting him. “What’s up next? Planting a garden, driving the combine, mucking the stalls, or we can feed the animals that are in the barn.”

I ran down his list of options. “I think I’ve had enough of plants right now, but let’s do the garden later. Can we stay in today? I’ll make cookies and we can watch Netflix with the boys?”

He laughed. “We can do whatever you want today. If that’s what you want to do, then we’ll do it.”

Thank you baby Jesus. No way I wanted to go outside with this face right now. Call me vain, but scaring small children was not on my list of priorities. 

We headed to the living room, where the boys were already watching a movie. Blake settled in and I ruffled his curls before I left the room. I really wanted to kiss him, but I had poison ivy around my lips, so kissing was out too.

I grumbled as I marched to the kitchen.

Finally I was going to do something I knew how to do… throw some premade cookie dough into the oven and Voila, dessert for the family.

Digging out my phone, I pulled up Blake’s musical catalogue so I could start familiarizing myself with all of his songs and set to work.

********

How did things like this happen to me?

I examined the kitchen and bit my lip. 

Oh dear. It looked like a flour bomb had exploded, everywhere. Sighing, I picked up the bag of spilled bag of flour and dumped it in the trash, then grabbed the only spare left in the cabinet. Thank God for whomever stocked these cabinets… I never thought to stock two of things like this because the store was right down the road. Here, it was more like three towns over. 

I giggled at the thought as I fished out my phone, pulling up the recipe for chocolate chip cookies. My boys loved them and I usually just used the premade dough, but I forgot I didn’t stock it in the refrigerator, so that meant making them.

How hard could that possibly be?

Minus the first bag of flour slipping out of my hands and that wasn’t my fault, the bag was slippery before I even picked it up so I called that an unnecessary foul. 

I set the extra bag on the counter carefully, then went back to the fridge and pulled out 2 sticks of butter. Reading on my phone that it should be soft, I found a bowl that looked microwave safe (I’m a microwave pro) and nuked it. 

Grabbing the bowl of butter, I put it on the counter in front of me and looked at my phone for a list of necessary ingredients and what steps to follow next. Finding the sugar and brown sugar was a bit more difficult than the flour. Who puts brown sugar in a canister? Shrugging, I started searching for measuring cups and spoons next. There was absolutely nothing in the kitchen to resemble a measurement tool. Shrugging, I decided to wing it. 

It was cups and teaspoons… common sense. I had plenty of common sense.

I measured out the necessary amount of brown sugar and sugar to the best of my ability, then found the vanilla in a spice rack. I thought that was an interesting place to keep it… but I didn’t know much about kitchen stuff, so maybe that way normal? I added a tablespoon of vanilla instead of teaspoon without realizing it until it was too late. I shrugged, figuring it would balance out in the end. Finishing off this bowl with two eggs, provided from the chickens somewhere on the ranch, I muttered, “Shit,” when half an egg shell from the second egg dropped neatly in the bowl. Sighing, I used a spoon to fish it out and throw it in the sink.

Finally. The first half of the list was together, I just had to mix it. Where was the mixer? Why didn’t I get all this stuff together before I started? I would do that the next time I fixed cookies…. 

I searched the cabinets and didn’t come up with a mixer. Hmm… Shrugging again, I picked up another spoon and started stirring the ingredients together like the recipe suggested.

It looked okay. I dipped a finger in to taste it. It was a little vanilla-y… but otherwise tasted fine, so I set the bowl to the side and started on the second set of instructions. I was extremely careful with the flour this time as I measured it out. Then I grabbed the baking powder and added a teaspoon of that and a tablespoon of salt. I thought the salt would balance out the extra vanilla I used. I stirred them around and then combined them all together with the previous mix, then set about blending them all together.

It took me forever to mix the ingredients and add the chocolate chips. I had no idea how to work the oven, so that took me another ten minutes to figure out. This was like a scavenger hunt in the kitchen, with a mess as a side dish. Rolling my eyes at my own thoughts, I pulled out two cookie sheets and got to work putting laying out the dough.

I smiled when I put the first sheet in the oven and set the timer. I wanted to do a happy dance. I actually pulled it off all by myself. (Except the mess and that  
wasn’t my fault!)

Blake’s voice crooned to me through my phone, talking about ‘Some Beach’... I really liked this song for some reason… it was cute, like him. Actually, he was more than cute. He was hot… but the song was cute. I found myself surprised that I was actually enjoying country music… I never thought myself a fan of that genre, but here I was on a ranch in Oklahoma, genuinely enjoying the music.

The timer on the stove distracted me from Blake’s song and I glared at it… then I remembered the cookies. Sighing, I grabbed a potholder and pulled the pan out of the oven and slid the other swiftly in. I set the sheet of baked cookies on the stove to let them cool for a few minutes.

I was searching for some sort of spatula to get the cookies off when I heard footsteps. Looking up, I saw my man leaning against the counter with a puzzled look on his face as his gaze swept the counters and floor. “What the heck happened in here? Flour Wars?”

I snorted and pointed at the flour. “That wasn’t my fault. It was the bag’s. It was slippery.”

Blake began to grin at me. “Really? And everything else?” he asked.

What was he talking about? I glanced around and really had a good look at the kitchen.

Oh.

Well…. I didn’t realize it was that bad. Biting my lip, I attempted to find a reason for the disorder of my surroundings. “It was Casper.” I muttered.

Blake’s eyes were dancing. “Casper huh? Well, please tell Casper he’s a hot mess if you see him again.”

I wanted to glare at him so bad. The big jerk. But he walked over to the stove and looked at the cookie sheet. “Are those cookies for me?” He asked, surprised.

“No. They are for the boys. But, if you are nice, you can have one.” I pouted.

Hot mess. I’d show him a hot mess.

His grin broadening, he took a cookie off the pan and bit into it. Chewing, his eyes widened. He chewed more, then coughed and his eyes watered. What in the world? He took another bite and stopped. He looked at me, tried to smile and failed. He went to the trash and spit the cookie out. 

“Gwen, babe, what did you do to the cookies?”

I stared at him in shock. Surely, he was joking… but that expression and why would he make such a thing up? But, who in their right mind screws cookies up with directions right in front of them? I’d show him. I grabbed a cookie off the plan and bit into it and chewed, staring right at him.

Oh my Gosh, what in the hell happened to the cookies?

I gagged and spit mine out in the sink, glaring at it. How dare it taste like crap!! I marched over to the cookie dough and stuck a finger into it and wasted for the explosion of my taste buds.

They exploded… in horror. 

I looked at Blake helplessly. “But I followed the directions while listening to your hot voice.” I pointed at my my phone. “I don’t understand what happened…”

Surveying the kitchen and my ingredients. I saw a smile start to stretch on Blake’s face. Of course he knew what happened. Mr. Perfect knew everything. I was on the verge of a melt down and he was what…. Studying baking powder? A rush of embarrassment worked through me… 

Uh oh.

I guess baking powder and baking soda weren’t the same… good to know, now. 

Shit, shit, shit.

Why didn’t they teach me these things in school? Instead of sentence diagramming or making me run the mile in school… did they teach that in Chemistry or Home Economics? I tried to remember so I make sure my kids took the right class when they reach the appropriate age.

A loud siren like noise started going off from somewhere in the house. I looked at Blake with wide eyes. He was currently holding my other pan of cookies, fresh from the oven… kinda. I sort of forgot them in all the excitement. I looked at them and sighed.

Lord have mercy.

They were charred and burnt. 

I suppose that was a good thing because they certainly weren’t edible. The siren continued as smoke poured from the oven, into the house. By this time, King and Zuma had joined the party.

“What is that noise?” I shouted to be heard.

“It’s the smoke detector.” Blake shouted back, then laughed. 

The boys looked at the burned cookies that Blake set on the counter, then at me and shook their heads. King looked at Blake with disappointment. “You let her in the kitchen?”

I gasped in shock. Surely my child didn’t think I wasn’t completely clueless!

Zuma sighed and glanced from my cookies to Blake. “She requires supervision in the kitchen, Blake. Usually King or I bake cookies with her.”

Shit, shit, shit.

They were right. One of them always helped me in the kitchen. Dammit. How mortifying. Ugh. I could sing like it was nothing… but this baking business was something else entirely.

Blake looked at me and smiled huge. Then grinned at the boys. “What do ya guys say we help your mom clean the kitchen up and then we all go and watch a movie when we are done?”

Both boys nodded, already starting to work.

I met Blake’s eyes and fell a little more in love.

Covered in flour, with a fire alarm going off, and surrounded by the boys.

********

It was a week later and my poison ivy was gone. 

I looked human again. I could hug my kids again without fear of spreading the rash. I was feeling so much better. I was moving around so much easier now and didn’t even notice the ‘hitch’ in my breath that occurred the first couple days following my release from the hospital.

Laughing didn’t even hurt as much now. I felt a pang now and then, but only if I moved too fast or the wrong way. Walking wasn’t the chore that it was two weeks ago, although I still got tired earlier in the evening. I was ready to call it a day by 8 in the evening, but the doctor assured us that it was my body recovering from trauma and quite normal.

I decided it was time to climb back in the saddle… so to speak.

Blake and I decided to spend a couple of hours together and he was taking me to a different location on his property this time. We were going to explore another site that might contain more arrowheads. 

It turns out the stones I picked up while we were out fishing turned out to be arrowheads from the local Indian tribe. Fascinated, I instantly asked if there could be more. I was visualizing making a display of art to hang in the guest house. So, we were heading out today to see if we could hunt down more treasures for me.

We were both using different horses today. I noted mine was white with brown spots. Blake addressed her as Mina. I had no idea what breed Blake’s horse was but he was huge and black. His name was Checkers and he was extremely high spirited. My horse was as exciting as a house fly. 

We rode side by side until Blake pulled Checkers to a stop near a cove of trees. I heard running water nearby, but this didn’t look anything like the area we were near when we went fishing. I glanced around, in awe of the beauty of the area. I don’t know if I would ever get enough of the Oklahoma skies and grounds. I wanted to soak it up.

Blake reached up and helped me down, although I could have dismounted on my own. I’m just slow. Leading both horses, he motioned for me to follow him towards the cove of trees. “We’re going near the stream, over here.” he said.

Nodding, I followed. I watched the ground as I walked. I learned my lesson about paying attention to where I was stepping. Of course, I was also sporting new footwear this time too. Blake surprised me with new boots that were good for walking or hiking through tougher ground. I’m not going to lie, they were heavy but comfortable.

As Blake was tying the leads of the horses to a lower branch, I heard a loud noise penetrate the area that sounded like a lightning strike. It sounded close, I couldn’t be certain. The echo carried for a few seconds and then I watched in horror as Blake fell to the ground in front of me.

What the fuck?

I was about twenty feet from him, I think… I screamed his name and ran as fast as my legs would carry me, cursing because I couldn’t move faster. He was face down on the ground and not moving. My heart was racing. I could feel my pulse in my throat as I ran.

“Blake! BLAKE!!” I screamed when I reached him. It took me two tries, but I turned him over and he groaned roughly.

I started crying. 

Holy Mother of God.

Then I saw the blood on the front of his shirt and lost my shit.

“YOU’RE BLEEDING!! WHERE ARE YOU BLEEDING FROM?” I shouted at no one in particular… maybe myself, maybe Blake… I don’t know.

Another groan and Blake’s eyes opened and they were filled with pain. “Gwen, I’m fine. I was just shot in my shoulder.”

My eyes widened at the words and then I narrowed my gaze and really lost my shit.

“SHOT?” I screamed. “I WAS JUST SHOT, HE SAYS… LIKE HE’S OUT FOR A STROLL!”

Oh my God, my husband was shot…. Someone shot my husband.

They hurt him… this man… hurt.

“Gwen, do you have your phone?” he asked me softly. I handed it to him, because I recognized a familiar sight walking out of the cove, with a gun in hand and a smug grin in place. 

I handed it to him, but kept my eyes on the prize. I quickly got to my feet, moving a little faster now, focused on my target.

Claire.

Carrying a gun and walking towards my husband with a smile.

Fury pumped through me.

Well, school was about to be in session.

And she was going to learn why I was no Hollaback girl.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

My ears were pounding with the amount of fury I was feeling. My adrenaline was spiked and I could swear my blood was pumping to Johnny Cash’s song, ‘Burning Ring of Fire’.

The smug ass grin was the first thing I noticed, then her crazy ass.

Then, the gun in her hands.

It made me pause briefly.

Then I remembered Blake was laying on the ground behind me, his shirt saturated in blood because of this fucking woman and I didn’t give a shit about the gun. I focused on the smug ass grin that was currently directed at my husband as she walked towards us and decided I was going to wipe it off her face with pleasure.

Any Orange County girl grows up knowing how to protect herself and those she loves. Does that mean we go around fighting? Of course not. I’ve spent most of my life around guys… whether it was my brothers or the guys in my band, I understood the male mind probably more than the female mind most of the time.

I stared at the woman in front of me… But this woman I understood perfectly.

She wanted what was mine and even more, she hurt the person that was mine. Hurt me all you want, touch someone I love and it on… She didn’t even know it yet.

I smiled inside… getting ready to unleash the fury that had been building inside of me since Apollo was born. Claire thought she could hurt the man I loved, the man that kissed me back to life, brought color back to my world and not pay for it? 

I stepped into her line of vision. I’ll give her credit. She only paused for a second. Her smug ass smiled slipped a fraction, then stretched into a malicious grin. The crazy eyes went even wilder, if that was possible. I watched as she transferred the gun back and forth hands a few times.

Nervousness and Uncertainty.

You don’t get far in the entertainment industry without learning to read body language. I’ve also learned to deal with my share of interesting fans. I don’t like to call them crazy. I was staring at bat shit crazy. 

I wanted to get her away from Blake. I could only think of one way to do that since she continued to walk right towards us. I heard Blake muttering in the phone behind us, grunting as he growled to the poor soul on the other end of the line. I’m not ashamed to admit I took advantage of his distraction.

Without a moment to waste, I started into a slow walk and then I was in a full run. Five seconds later, I was staring into Claire’s eyes as I took her down to the ground in a full body tackle. Her eyes widened in shock as we were falling and her hands lost their grip on the gun and it went flying behind us. We hit the ground and she tried to roll out from under me, but years of working out gave me strong legs. I curled my legs around her and hung on. I forced myself to sit up, breathing hard from the impact of the ground. I couldn’t waste a second. I pulled my fist back and hit her first in the left eye, then the nose. I was getting ready to punch her in the mouth when I realized she wasn’t moving under me. 

I’m not stupid. I’ve seen too many movies.

Breathing hard, I cautiously checked her breathing. She was knocked out. I stared down at her in disbelief. That was it? Two hits and TKO? 

How lame was that?

I was ready to go at least 3 more rounds. Shit, this was almost embarrassing. Claire was a poor excuse for a woman. I’d happily tell her too, as soon as she woke up.

I heard a pained chuckle behind me. “Do you feel better Slugger?” Blake asked in a highly amused voice.

He was shot by this deranged woman and he was amused at me? I wanted to get the gun and shoot him in the foot. I reined in the blood thirsty side of my temper and stood up carefully. 

Ouch. Well, that tackle may have set me back a few days, but it was totally worth it. 

I searched for the gun and carefully picked it up and carried it back to the horses. I looked at Blake, now slumped against a tree, smiling at me, but pale. “What are you doing?” I asked him, irritated that he moved. He should have stayed lying down until help arrived. Couldn’t the man let anyone help?

“I couldn’t have caught the show on my back.” He grinned. “That was better than porn Pretty Girl… it was hot.”

Sweet Jesus…. This man…. He was a menace.

Shaking my head, I pointed my finger at him and with my best mom voice, I said, “You stay right there. I mean it. I’m going to look for something to tie her hands and legs together and something for her ugly ass mouth.”

Blake tried to laugh, then groaned. His eyes were dancing with amusement. “You can use the leads from the horses and there’s a rag in the saddle bag.” He suggested.

Did I look helpless at the moment? In fact, I’m pretty sure I just proved I was capable of protecting us. One thing was certain, the girl that broke down in Oklahoma that was broken and lost… I’m not her.

Not anymore.

Gathering the leads from the horses, I walked back to Claire, who was still taking a siesta, courtesy of my fists. Rolling her over took a little work, but I started on her hands first. I’m not great with knots, but you bet your ass she wasn’t going to get her hands loose. Looking at her legs, I decided to tie her ankles together and remove her shoes. This bitch wasn’t going anywhere without my permission. 

It took me about 15 minutes to complete, but she was trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey when I was finished. I was proud of my work. Satisfied, I rolled her to her back and left her there until someone arrived. I shoved the rag from the saddlebags into her mouth in case she woke up and decided to scream. I didn’t want to hear her shit. I picked up her shoes and tucked them under my arm. I checked her pockets quickly to make sure she wasn’t carrying more guns, then stood up and began walking to where Blake was sitting.

I threw the shoes down in the grass and then lowered myself to sit beside him on his injured side. I began working his shirt off and he quirked a brow at me. “What are you doing now, Gwen? Blood lust make ya horny?” he asked with a grin.

I snorted. If he was making sex jokes, he was going to be okay. I knew that, but I needed to see it for myself. “I’m taking a look at that injury. You are covered with blood!”

He rolled his eyes. And there he goes stealing my moves again. “The bullet went straight through. I’m fine.”

I narrowed my gaze and used my mom voice, that seemed to work well earlier. “And I’m the Pope. Shirt off, Cowboy. Now.”

His jaw dropped. “Well damn. If you wanted me to strip, all you had to do was say so.”

Lord, please give me patience.

I ignored his attempts to distract me and peeled his shirt off, trying to gauge how bad the wound was for myself. I didn’t know a thing about gun shots. The entry wound was seeping blood, so I balled up his shirt and pressed it against the wound. I looked at his back and saw the exit wound, it was so much larger than the entry, I was shocked.

I noticed Blake’s jaw was tense, so I tried to make quick work of checking the rest of him out. “Don’t lean fully against the tree on the injured side. I don’t want you to get dirt in the back of the wound.”

He looked at me, baffled. I shrugged my shoulders. “I probably watch too much Discovery Channel.”

Blake’s body started to shake with laughter under my hands. I sighed. Of course, I’m even amusing while tending to his wounds. Do I always amuse this man?

“Yes.” Blake said. “From the time you open your eyes until you close them, you always amuse me or surprise me, sometimes both. And today, you managed to amuse, surprise, and save me at the same time. I’m in awe of you.”

Shit, shit, shit.

I wasn’t going to cry. 

This man’s words…. Amazed me. 

Biting my lip, I gently rested my head against his uninjured shoulder and sighed. “I probably should tell you something, especially with everything that’s happened today.”

Blake didn’t really say much, just, “Hmmm…”

“You’re the best human I’ve ever met. And don’t let this go to your head or anything, but I like love you a lot.”

Blake’s body started shaking under me with laughter again. 

I rolled my eyes.

“That’s the best confession I’ve ever heard.” He replied.

Good grief.

“Gwen?” Blake said. “Since we’re having open hour in the cove, I love you too, Pretty Girl.” 

We were a mess.

Blood, crazy women tied up, gunshot wounds….

I’ve never been happier.

In the midst of chaos, I’d found the reason for my heart to continue to beat.

And today I showed him I was able to save him, just as he saved me.

It was everything.

********

Hugh, my dad, and Endy’s husband arrived to help us get back to the ranch. They also brought the sheriff with them. I watched as they loaded up Claire. She was awake and untied, but her hands were cuffed behind her back now. She glared at me as they put her in the cruiser. I couldn’t help myself as I gave her a finger wave. 

Blake was talking to the sheriff. I joined them, then told Blake what I wanted. “I want to talk to her.”

Both of the men stared at me like I was crazy. 

I shrugged and looked at the sheriff. “Please ask her if she’s willing to talk to me before you take her in. I have a few questions for her.”

The Sheriff shrugged and went to talk to Claire. Blake looked at me, confused. “What are you doing Gwen?”

“I’m getting some damn answers. I’m tired of waiting and walking on eggshells.” I told him, then walked towards the police cruiser.

The Sheriff nodded at me, then stood to the side. I looked at him. He said, “I’m sorry, but since she’s already in my custody, I have to observe.” 

I didn’t care who was around. I shrugged my shoulders.

Claire looked at me with disdain. I wanted to laugh. The woman had some balls on her, especially considering I’d just whipped her ass. That wasn’t the focus right now though, I could celebrate that later. I stared right back at her with the same amount of disdain she directed towards me. Never let it be said that I can’t dish it right back to the source… 

“Claire, you mind telling me why you attacked my husband, especially on his land?” I asked.

She curled her lip. “He was mine. If I can’t have him, no one can have him, especially no two bit whore from California! You couldn’t die in Texas either like I planned, you just wouldn’t go away. Always here, always around. Like a fucking fungus, you just hang on.”

Well, wasn’t she a fountain of useful information. Her words didn’t even touch me. I’ve been called worse. And jealousy is an ugly trait when it festers to this point. Considering she wasn’t male, size 11 shoe… I was a little confused about how she managed Texas… but she was crazy, so what do I know?

“Tell me about Texas, Claire. Did you follow Blake?”

“Do I look stupid to you? Of course not. I called my cousin to help me. He hates your ass. He calls you the Gringo bitch that destroyed Gavin Rossadale and his music. He was only too happy to help me.”

I hope she was kidding about that first question… because she was much more than stupid considering she just spilled the entire Texas story to me and in front of the Sheriff. The reasoning was ridiculous. Gavin’s music was off the rails long before I left and I didn’t have anything to do with it… but that was the past and something I didn’t give a damn about. 

“Thanks for the talk Claire. I hope your stay at the county jail is lovely. Orange is certainly your color. It’ll bring out the crazy more.” I winked at her and turned to leave, only to plow right into Blake’s chest.

Uh oh….

“How much did you hear?” I asked him.

“Every fucking word.” He growled, staring at Claire in the cruiser. He looked at the Sheriff. “I want the name of her cousin that is in Texas by tomorrow.”

The Sheriff nodded, then left. Claire was pounding on the window as he drove away, yelling at both of us. I don’t know what she said, nor did I care.

We loaded up and headed back to the ranch.

********

Blake Shelton is a stubborn headed jackass.

He refused to go to the hospital to have his shoulder looked at.

Instead, I drove him to his private physician’s clinic to be examined. The doc was quick, precise and most of all, discreet. Blake was correct about the gun shot. However, he was advised to rest for a week and prescribed antibiotics to prevent infection and painkillers for any pain.

Mr. Jackass didn’t even fill the pain medication. I’ll be honest, I’m surprised he even agreed to the antibiotics. Of course, I threatened him with sleeping on the couch for an entire week if he didn’t cooperate. When he glared at me in challenge, I met it. I wasn’t backing down. This was his health we were talking about and I wasn’t messing around. He could be a stubborn headed mule all he wanted. I was a mother of three boys, I wasn’t playing.

I was winning.

By the time we got back to the ranch, we were both exhausted. The big boys were at Endy’s for the night and my parents had Apollo. I called both our parents and checked in, then we both talked to King and Zuma. 

Walking into the bedroom, I pointed to the bed. “Bed rest, one week.”

He looked at me with a sullen expression. “I don’t do bed rest.” He informed me.

Hands on my hips, I quirked a brow. “You do now. In you go, I’ll cover you up.”

Suddenly, he grinned. “This could be fun… give me a minute to strip.”

Oh Christ.

I suddenly had the notion that he was going to be very cooperative… and I was good with that, because after the day we had, I was totally ready to burn, burn, burn, with desire in his arms.

Today was enlightening for me. Yes, my husband was hurt… but it opened my eyes in another way too. I’ve been trying so hard to recover something I thought I lost, but she’s been inside of me the entire time and today she surfaced.

The O.C. girl was back.

I laid in my man’s arms with a smile on my face, thinking about how good it felt to be me again.

Welcome back, I whispered to myself as I fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Three weeks had passed since Blake was shot.

A lot had changed during that time. 

We both healed completely with no complications. Blake was the most cantankerous patient possible following the shooting. I enforced the strict one week bed rest and never in my life have I ever witness a man act like he did. He griped, then pleaded, then tried to bargain his way free from restrictions.

This mom and wife wasn’t a pushover. I started by rewarding his good behavior with sweets. His mom shared that valuable nugget of information with me. When that trick stopped working, I started bribing him with an early bedtime and I would join him. That bribe only lasted an entire day. Finally, I gave up and joined him in relaxing so he would stay put.

Blake Shelton was a man child when he was sick or hurt.

That was only one discovery I made during that time. Soon, we were enjoying old episodes of The Golden Girls and my favorite, ‘The Sound of Music’ together. We cuddled and talked. I’m actually thankful for the time together because it really gave us a chance to dive deeper into our marriage.

Learning even more about him made me fall harder.

Blake was an old soul like me… a throwback to a different time. We both had somewhat conservative values in terms of family. We were both old-fashioned, although when I first met him, I never would have guessed it. We found similar musical tastes in the oldies, although I never had enough time to truly enjoy them anymore. 

While we learned more about each other, I used the time to tell him about my dreams and goals, both personal and professional. I told Blake things I never, ever shared with my ex. Our conversation flowed easily. He shared his thoughts about yearning for a child when he was younger and found it ironic that he was now part of a family with three children. My heart ached for him, although I was happy that he and the big boys got along so easily. And Apollo was going to be just as lucky, I thought.

Yes, having a spouse that was actually interested in me and our family was certainly going to be different. I looked forward to the coming months. We haven’t discussed the commitments that we both already made to our work schedules, but decided that going forward that we would discuss our future plans as a couple and make any decisions as a family, or try to. 

One thing we settled on was finding a house to call our own while we were in California. I had a house there that was currently on the market and Blake leased his current place. Going forward, we’d commoditize and find something a little closer to the studio for Blake, closer to my parents, and I would have the best of both worlds.

That brought us to the present.

We just landed in California. 

Blake was due to be on set in a couple of days and wanted to get settled first. We were fast approaching the school year and that meant a few decisions needed to be made about King and Zuma’s education also. They were enrolled in a small, private school. However, our plans to split our time in two states would make enrollment there difficult for the boys. But before I discussed the plans that Blake and I had for living arrangements, that meant I had to talk to their father. It was a task I wasn’t looking forward to, ever… but since it involved my children, it was the right thing to do.

We were going to stay at my house since I had more room than Blake’s apartment and the boys were already settled. Blake had called ahead and had his assistant on set send his things to my house to save us a stop, because we just wanted to get home. We were running on fumes and the kids were exhausted.

By the time we pulled up to the gates surrounding my property, Blake whistled, “Damn Pretty Girl. This is quite the place.”

I was slightly embarrassed. Why did I need a house like this? It wasn’t me. The only thing about the house that fit me was the inside. I shrugged. “It’s just a house Blake.”

He laughed. “Gwen, the ranch is just a house. This is a compound.”

I hated it, but he was right. But, we were a far cry from Oklahoma. I sighed. “We’re talking about two very different types of living. I like my privacy and this was one of the only ways to protect it.”

He covered my hand. “I’m not mocking you. I’m teasing you. If anyone understands having their privacy violated, it’s me. This is perfect.”

I nodded, thankful for his words. They eased that uncertainty that was starting to coil within me once we landed in California. I wasn’t uncertain about Blake, but what was waiting for me here.

Facing the reality of my situation while I was here wasn’t something I really wanted to do. I spent so much time enjoying Oklahoma, that I sort of forgot that my privacy wasn’t a sacred thing. It was easy to do there.

Not here.

When we pulled into the driveway, there were photographers from the paparazzi waiting and it looked liked they had been waiting for a while. I ignored them as I continued up the long drive, but Blake had glared at them through the passenger window. I could hear them shouting questions, but I didn’t bother to pay attention to that either. It was another day in the life of Gwen Stefani…. Well, I decided to change my name, so it was Gwen Stefani-Shelton now. 

I like the way it rolled off my tongue and the way it made me feel.

Powerful and feminine.

I smiled, recalling Blake’s reaction when I told him I was going to change my name. He looked baffled. His surprised, “Why wouldn’t you?” made me laugh until I had tears running down my face. My caveman wasn’t quite up to date on all things, a woman keeping her own name was one of them.

Parking the rented Navigator in front of the main house, I took a moment to stare at the place I call home. It felt like any other house to me now. Sure, I had some great memories from the boys here. But, the best memories are locked in the heart. I was ready to let this place go and move forward, soon.

We were going to start looking for a new house tomorrow and I was excited. I had to get through the evening first and a meeting with my lawyer and Gavin. Glancing at Blake, I wasn’t surprised to find him staring at me with concern. “It’s going to be okay Gwen. I promise.” Blake said.

Shaking my head, “You don’t know that. You don’t know him.”

“No, but I know you and I know me. If I make you a promise, I follow through. Trust me.” He winked and opened the passenger door to get out. The boys followed. I got Apollo from his seat while the guys worked on unloading the luggage.

Walking towards the house, I was ready to start putting down roots for the future.

********

After spending most of the day unpacking and settling in, then spending time with the kids, my parents showed up to lend Blake a hand with the boys while I was gone with my lawyer, Laura, to meet with Gavin. 

I thought I would be nervous and anxious.

I wasn’t.

It might have something to do with the kiss that Blake laid on me in the kitchen when everyone was preoccupied. I lost my ability to reason for a full minute after and really just wanted to haul him to the bedroom and lose myself in his deep blue eyes… but I couldn’t do that at the moment.

This was important for our future… for all three boys.

By the time I arrived at Laura’s office, I was beginning to feel a little nauseated. Sipping on bottled water, I greeted her secretary and Laura came out to greet me. We drove together to a neutral location, another office building that wasn’t too far away.

We arrived about 10 minutes before Gavin. I was surprised to see that he brought his attorney with him also. I sighed inwardly. This probably wasn’t a good sign. Laura looked at me and said, “Be patient Gwen, it’s going to be fine.”

Was I that easy to read?

We were all seated at a conference table. Laura and I on one side, Gavin and his attorney on the other. I nodded at Laura. She pulled out several papers. “Gwen wants to discuss the boys education with you Gavin. As you know, she has recently remarried…”

Gavin’s attorney, John, cut her off. “Laura, I’ll save you some time. Gavin has another subject to approach. He is getting remarried himself and has a baby on the way. If you would take a look at these.”

John handed Laura a stack of papers.

Another baby? Jesus. He didn’t see the 3 he already had. That poor, poor, stupid woman. Thank God that I’m not her anymore.

I was curious what John handed Laura, especially when I watched as the blood drain from her face. That wasn’t a good sign at all. My hands started shaking. 

Gavin wouldn’t meet my eyes, the wanker. He could destroy me just fine. Now that I’m back, he still can’t meet my eyes. I shook my head in disbelief.

Laura looked up at John, then Gavin. “This is what you want?” She asked Gavin. He nodded, then stood up and left without glancing back. His attorney sighed, then looked at me. “I’m sorry.” he said. Then he stood up and followed Gavin.

What the hell?

Laura sat down and stared at me with sadness. “I never like to see families torn apart. However, even though I know that sometimes they function better apart. But, this is something I didn’t even see coming Gwen.”

She passed the papers over to me and I spent the next five minutes reading them. Then I read them again, not believing what I was seeing. 

Gavin relinquished his parental rights of all three children known as Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo.

I wish I could explain the emotions that went through my mind as I read them. I was so angry, on behalf of my boys that I wanted to scream. How was I going to explain this to them? I was pissed that Gavin was a piss poor excuse for a man. I was sad because the boys wouldn’t have a biological father in their lives. Then, I felt guilty because at least Blake would be present… 

I was a mess of emotions. I didn’t even know I was crying until Laura handed me a tissue. I only wanted to discuss school options with him, I never asked him to relinquish the boys… and that’s when I noted the date on the form.

The day after the divorce.

This had nothing to do with my remarriage and everything to do with Gavin and his freedom. If he wanted freedom from his children, he could have it. Did he think I was going to fight him?

I started laughing…. Then I couldn’t stop.

After weeks of craziness, this was the icing on the cake. And it was horrible news in a way, but not so much in others… 

Poor Laura looked at me with concern. I waved her off. “I’m fine. Just realizing things have actually come full circle.”

“How about we get out of here?” She asked. Hell yes. I was starving. I wanted onion rings. Where did someone find onion rings in this town?

********

It was dark by the time I walked in the house.

All was quiet and my parents were gone. 

Thank God. I didn’t want to tell them about everything right now. I was emotionally drained and physically tired.

And so full of onion rings and funnel cake that I felt sick.

I was a stress eater… or today I was. 

Blake met me at the front door, looking tired and concerned. “I was getting worried.” 

I nodded and tried to find the words for the meeting… instead I just handed him the papers. “I was given this. I didn’t know what to do or say.”

Blake looked confused, but took the papers in one hand and took my hand in the other, pulling me in the living room. He sat on the couch, then pulled me in his lap. Heaven. I needed this. I sighed against his chest as he read the papers that shook me earlier in the day.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He growled as he finished.

“No.” I said. “They are official. He has a new baby coming.”

“Well, I’m sorry for the boys. But, they will be fine. And that’s a promise.” He assured me.

This man…. My world. Taking care of me and my kids….

********

A week later, we fell into a comfortable routine.

When Blake wasn’t needed on set, he was at home. I was busy arranging for tutors for the boys. We decided to give homeschooling a try since we were going to be splitting our time in two states.

The boys were excited about spending half of the year in Oklahoma. They were especially excited about spending more time with their new cousins. I was thrilled they were as comfortable there as I was… it was home for all of us.

Apollo’s moods were changing again. He wasn’t exactly cranky, but he wasn’t the chill little guy that he was while we were gone either. However, he was cutting teeth and growing like a weed. Dorothy liked to facetime with all three boys in the evenings, but especially Apollo. The little guy would grin and laugh at her over the screen.

We were going to visit Blake on the set today. The big boys were curious and I’ll admit, so was I. As I navigated traffic, they were bouncing with excitement in the back seat. My mom was in the passenger seat with me, also excited about visiting ‘The Voice’ behind the scenes and seeing her new son-in-law at work. I grinned as I glanced over at her, “Excited Mom?”

“Well...you know.” She waved off my question.

Yes, I did know. She’d never admit it. She was cute. My dad wanted to come, but he went with my brother Todd to work on something. There would be plenty of opportunities over the next few months for all of my family to drop in.

Parking and grabbing our lanyards, I picked up Apollo while my mom herded King and Zuma. Following the signs and Blake’s directions, he wasn’t hard to locate… I could also hear his deep laugh.

Before I could say wait, King and Zuma took off at an excited run towards the sound. Rolling my eyes, I glanced at my mom and smiled, “They miss him when he’s gone.”

She laughed. “I don’t think they are alone in that.”

I shrugged. “Probably not. Apollo misses him too, don’t ya buddy?” I said to my youngest.

“Mamamama, Babababa, Dadadadada, bruh.” Apollo answered me, with a slobber bubble.

I laughed at him and kept walking until I recognized the back of one hot cowboy… and my two oldest children that were talking to him animatedly with their hands. By the time we joined them, Apollo was trying to jump out of my arms to Blake. 

“Dadadadada, bruh.” Apollo demanded to me.

I quirked a brow at him. This was a new development this week. Blake grinned and took him from me. “Give me that baby.” he said to me. “Was mama being mean to my little buddy?”

Apollo launched into more gibberish that Blake evidently understood. I watched the two of them, shaking my head. The two of them were a mess. Blake settled Apollo in his arms, hugged my mom, then showed us all around and introduced us to so many people, my head was spinning when we were done.

One thing stuck in my mind. Blake didn’t introduce me as Gwen Stefani. Nope. He said, “Y’all, this is my wife, Gwen, and our kids, King, Zuma, and Apollo… and this is Gwen’s mom, Patti.” 

Our kids… 

It stuck in my mind as I drove us all home. 

I’m so stupid sometimes.

When you are looking for the answer to something and it’s right in front of you the entire time… or you are so busy living life that you completely overlook things. I shook my head, picking up my phone and calling Laura, even though it was after office hours. When she answered, I explained the reason why I was calling and she didn’t even sound surprised.

Was this stupid?

She promised me the papers would be ready by the end of the day tomorrow. I thanked her and hung up. My belly was unsettled. I was hungry again. Ugh. Keeping up with the kids was burning some serious calories, so I was eating more. I went through and ordered enough food for a small army or a family of 5 and headed home.

Tomorrow was going to be a big day for me… possibly for all of us, so I needed to get some rest.

I woke up at 3 am from a weird dream… and I couldn’t even recall what the dream was about. Blake was snoring beside me. I eased out of bed and went to peek in on the kids. All three of them were sound asleep.

I sighed.

Heading towards the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator and decided I was thirsty. Pouring some apple juice, I sat at the bar and started to take a drink. Before it even hit my mouth, the smell hit me so hard, I ran for the sink and threw up violently.

Ugh.

I haven’t done that since I was pregnant with…. Oh shit.

Closing my eyes, I couldn’t believe the situation I found myself in… surely I wasn’t… I tried to do the math in my head, but I didn’t have a normal period. Onion rings… Jesus. That was a red flag. Why didn’t I realize it then?

I looked at the clock. I could hit CVS. Sighing, I went to the laundry room and pulled on the oldest, most hideous clothing I could find. Then I topped it off with one of Blake’s hats. Stepping outside, I decided to take Blake’s truck instead of the SUV because it was less likely to draw attention and that was the last thing I needed.

I stared at the huge number of pregnancy tests that the store stocked. How did I know which one I needed? Didn’t they all work the same? I recognized a few from commercials, so I grabbed two boxes of those and stopped. What if I didn’t understand the directions? Just to be safe, I grabbed one of every brand. I didn’t want to have to return and I needed an answer.

Sighing, I carried about 14 boxes up to the register. Lord, this was embarrassing. The cashier looked at the tests, then me and started scanning without saying a word. I felt like I should say something though. I didn’t want this young kid thinking I did this all the time! “I’m buying these for a friend.” I told the cashier. She nodded at me, not saying anything. I frowned. Did she not believe me? Hell, I didn’t even believe me.

I sighed. The cashier looked me in the eye and asked, “Does your friend also need some condoms?”

Oh my God. I was going to die of embarrassment.

“Umm, no. I think she’s good. I’ll tell her to come here though if she does! Thanks!” I paid and got the hell out of there. 

I made it home without anyone following me… I think. I didn’t see any flashes going off, so I was hopeful.

I locked myself in an empty bathroom and used a disposable cup to pee in. Then, one by one, I got to work. I dipped the tip of each test in the cup and set it to the side. By the time I got to test number 14, I was an emotional mess.

I sat against the wall in the floor and waited… How long do you have to wait? Pounding on the bathroom door made me jump. “Gwen, are you okay?” Blake demanded to know.

Sweet Jesus!!

I looked at the vanity of the bathroom… it was smothered and covered in pregnancy tests…. He couldn’t come in here! I got to my feet and opened the door about 6 inches. I looked at him through the gap. “Hi. What’s up?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “What are you doing? It’s 4 in the morning Gwen.”

Shit, shit, shit.

I’m a terrible liar and I hate lies. 

“I’m testing out some new equipment.” I told him. That wasn’t a lie. It was new to me.

He frowned and crossed his arms. “You’re biting your lip and your eyes went to the left. That means you’re hiding something. Okay Pretty Girl, open up.”

No freaking way…

And two seconds, the door gently moved and I was set to the side. I watched helplessly as Blake stood staring at the vanity with an extremely confused expression on his face. He picked up one test and held it up to his face, then another and another. He looked back at me with a huge grin. “Does this mean we’re having 14 kids?”

This man….. Was absolutely insane.

With his words, my fears didn’t shatter completely, but they calmed. He picked me up and carried me to the living room, his smile lit the way.

“If it’s a girl, can we name her Elvira after the Oak Ridge Boys song?”

I couldn’t help it, I threw my head back and laughed.

Lord, help us if it was a girl.


	25. Chapter 25

Epilogue… 

Pregnancy is supposed to be a dream come true. 

This pregnancy was one for the books. It was absolutely nothing like my previous pregnancies. When I carried the boys, I had minimal sickness that passed after the first trimester and I think I radiated joy beyond that… or I felt like I did.

This time around… everything was different. I wanted to radiate the joy I felt at carrying Blake’s child, but all the extra energy and glow felt like it was sapped right out of me. I couldn’t stand the smell of meat or fruit juices… but open a box of Cocoa Pebbles and I’d steal them from you without feeling guilty. My healthy eating habits went out the window as my cravings increased.

King and Apollo were thrilled about gaining another sibling. In fact, they couldn’t wait to become big brothers again. I was somewhat puzzled by that since they never said anything to me until my mouth was full of cake, with Apollo in his high chair. King said, “It’s going to be good to have little dudes in the house. It’ll keep you and Blake from being lonely when I leave for college.”

Cue the tears. I bawled all afternoon and into the evening when Blake came home from set. I cried all over him. I explained why I was crying and he looked puzzled, then he smiled softly at me. “Gwen, King is young. We have years before we have to worry about that. Don’t worry, we’ll be chasing four kids and probably ready for those college years.”

I blinked. Why did he always make sense? I started crying again. I hated crying.

He sighed and lifted me into his arms, “Why are we crying now?” He asked.

Burying my face in his shirt, I cried, “Because you always make sense and I don’t anymore.”

The jackass laughed and hugged me.

Do you see what has happened to me since I got knocked up? I can’t control my emotions. I can’t control my eating habits. Actually, I have zero control over anything… especially my sex drive… poor Blake.

I needed to apologize to him tonight. He was married to a monster. A pregnant monster, but Lord Almighty, I meant well. I looked at my watch. Crap! Dorothy and Endy were coming in today and I needed to leave now if I was going to be on time to pick them up.

It took me 20 minutes to load the boys in the SUV. I could have called my parents, but I knew the kids wanted to see Aunt Endy and Dorothy. We weren’t going to have time to pick Blake up as originally planned. Shrugging, it wasn’t the first time this crew ran late for something. 

I called Blake while sitting in traffic, he picked up on the first ring. “Pretty Girl… how are my babies doing today?” he asked with laughter in his voice.

I rolled my eyes, smiling at his question. He was a nut and so good to me and the kids. I thought about the papers I picked up from Laura, the day after discovering I was pregnant. I shared them with Blake and my thoughts, but we both agreed to give it a little time. They were sitting in a drawer, waiting for the right time.

I snorted. “Your babies are fat, sassy, and late. As usual. Oh and hungry. Starving… are you eating? What are you eating?”

More laughter from my husband. “Nothing. It tastes horrible, absolutely nasty.” He said. “I’m guessing since you’re calling and running late, you’re heading straight to the airport then?”

I sighed. Of course, the man distracted me from the food. “Yeah. I’ll call when I have everyone present and accounted for in the vehicle.”

We exchanged a few more bits about our day, then I disconnected and concentrated on getting us all to LAX in one piece. I hated LA traffic. I wanted to go back to Oklahoma, as soon as possible, but we had another month before we could do that.

As I was switching lanes, King yelled from the back to put on his favorite new, old song. I groaned, wanting to kill my husband for getting him interested in this song. Sighing, I pulled it up and turned it up as loud as I dared, hoping no one was staring at us from the other lanes. Tupac’s ‘Rollin With My Homies’ started playing and King and Zuma were having a dance fest in the back, as much as their seatbelts would allow. I shook my head at the two of them. If this song came on and Blake was home, he danced with them and it was a mess.

A hot mess…. Apollo would stand and observe with awe, until Blake picked him up and started dancing with him. Then the squeals and laughter would start. I’d end up a crying mess, watching the guys in my life having a dance off in the kitchen or the living room. I couldn’t join them because I was the most clumsy pregnant woman, ever.

Paying attention to the upcoming signs, I exited and pulled into the lane I needed to pick up Dorothy and Endy. I prayed I got the correct Airline. I had full pregnancy brain right now, which meant my short term memory was nonexistent. 

Noticing familiar faces standing by a curb, I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled up to the curb and rolled down the window. Forgetting the song that was playing, Tupac blasted out the window and I found both Endy and Dorothy grinning huge at us when he sang, ‘Rolling With My Homies’. 

Oh Lord.

I quickly turned it off.

“Hi guys!” I waved, then opened my door to get out and assist with the bags. I put one foot on the concrete and I felt a gush of water. Looking down, I sighed. Well, that was just perfect. At least it was outside the vehicle… but now I looked like I peed my pants.  
Shrugging, I slid to the ground and waddled around to hug my in-laws.

Dorothy gaped at me in horror. “Gwen…”

I looked at myself… Yeah, I was a bit of a mess, I probably wouldn’t want to hug me either. Good point. I went to take her luggage, smiling. However, Endy gently took my arm and guided me to the passenger seat of the SUV and it was then I noticed she was talking on the phone.

Oh no…. Please don’t tell me she called the Big Kahuna. He’d flip his shit. I wasn’t planning to call him until the baby was literally almost here, in the doctor’s hands because Blake didn’t handle seeing me in pain well.

“Okay Blake, we’ll meet you at the hospital. All the boys are already in the SUV.” She ended the call to her brother and now I was the one gaping at her. What did she just do?

I was probably in a state of shock when I took the front passenger seat. How did things like this keep happening to me? I stared down at my huge belly. “You are definitely your father’s child.” I muttered to my unborn child.

Endy took charge of everything, with Dorothy joining the kids in the back. I heard Apollo squeal when she started talking to him. I couldn’t help the grin that stretched across my face. Blake’s family was great with my children. 

Then I felt my first pain and Holy Mother Mary, it hurt. I don’t remember it feeling this way with the boys. It started in my back and shot around to the front. I sat straight up in my seat and yelled, “Hooboy!” 

“Gwen?” Endy asked in alarm from the driver’s seat, now exiting in traffic. I waved her concern off because she needed all her attention on driving. “I’m fine Endyyyy… oh my God!” I yelled as another pain hit.

“Maybe we should put the flashers on Endy and go a little faster?” Dorothy observed from the back.

My parents… I needed to call them.

“Dorothy, can you call my parents? Please?” I moaned as quietly as possible, not wanting to scare the boys.

Endy was smiling. Why was she smiling? This was NOT a time to smile! She wouldn’t be smiling when I castrated her brother later. She laughed loudly. “Oh Gwen, I love you to death. And Blake was calling him after we hung up, then meeting us at the hospital.”

Oh.

Well shit. Now I felt horrible. Only for a few minutes though because another pain shot from my back, stealing my breath and I swear to all that is holy that my eyes crossed. I rolled down my window, hoping some fresh air would help. 

Hot air smacked me in the face as we barreled down the highway with flashers on. Ugh. Why did I do that again? Music… I needed music. “Endy, will you turn some music on? Not that song King likes, but anything else, please?”

She nodded and turned on the radio to a local country station. I was becoming familiar with more country artists, but right now I was hoping the music would be more calming. “We’re getting close Gwen, hang in there.”

Right. Her brother’s baby was having a field day with me… I was going to hang out.

We were pulling off the highway and when another pain hit me, I couldn’t help it, I yelled even louder. “Sweet Jesus!! That hurt! This kid is supposed to be smaller than my other three, not bigger!”

I was sweating. My hair was already plastered to my head. I don’t need to tell you the state of my clothes, but they were ruined. 

Endy glanced at me and offered me a sympathetic smile. I returned a grimace. “I’m sorr….” I began, only to be cut off as another pain stole my breath. Panting, I tried again, “I’m sorry about this. What a welcome to California.”

Dorothy laughed from the backseat. “Gwen, I can’t think of a better welcome!”

That made me feel much better for about 5 minutes. And thankfully, it was about the time Endy was pulling up to the hospital that Blake and I chose to deliver at. She slammed on the brakes in the drop off area. 

I observed Blake was already here and from the look of him, he had been here for a bit. He was pacing. He hadn’t spotted us yet. I watched him, wanting to laugh as I watched him drive his hand through his natural curls, which were already standing up. My poor husband…. Was a mess.

Endy hit the horn to get Blake’s attention and yelled out my rolled down window, “Hey Asshat!! Come get your wife!!” 

The look on his face was comical… Shock, confusion, then pure happiness. He didn’t even have a witty reply for his sister and I was kind of disappointed, but only for a minute because another pain slammed into me, stronger than the last and I was robbed of breath.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Smaller baby, my ass. And what was with this pain in my back? I’ve never experienced anything like it before with my other 3 pregnancies. Groaning, I tried to pant through it. 

My door was yanked open and I found a very large, very nervous and excited man waiting for me. I tried to smile at him, but all I had was a ‘Ugh’. Blake lifted me in his arms like I weighed nothing and took off through the doors to the hospital.

I’d learn later that he already registered me and informed the OB unit I was on my way. Given the privacy that we demanded because of the paparazzi, the hospital was well suited for us and our family. 

I suffered through another, longer pain on the way to the unit. I felt Blake’s eyes on me. I tried to ignore him as I breathed through the pain. “Breathe Pretty Girl, breathe.” He said to me. I glared at him. “What the hell did it look like I was doing? Chewing gum?”

He grinned at me. Why was he grinning at me? Was he nuts? Maybe hit his head?

We entered the unit and followed a nurse as she showed us to a room. It took 10 minutes and 2 more pains, but I was changed into a gown and hooked up to a variety of monitors. Blake was beside me, watching everything with interest.

He looked almost as bad as I did… his poor hair. I loved his hair. Glancing in his eyes, I saw they were lit up and dancing with happiness. I sighed. I loved this man so very much… 

A stronger pain started at the base of my spine and worked to the front of my abdomen. It was nothing like the others. This was an entirely different level of pain. I gripped Blake’s hand and sat up. I tried to breathe through it, but it hurt so damn bad, it took all I had not to cry like a baby.

When it eased, I flopped back in exhaustion. Blake put a washcloth on my forehead. I gave him a tired smile. “Thank you.” I said. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you.” He replied.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be. This is just another day in the chaotic lives of the Sheltons.”

He started to laugh, but I sat up again as the pain worsened and was more intense. I gripped his hand and couldn’t hold back the loud groan, “Holy Christ….”

A nurse entered, checked the monitors and looked surprised. “I need to check you, if that’s okay.”

I could tell her it wasn’t going to be long… but I didn’t exactly know with this pain in my back… 

The nurse was quick and efficient. I was thankful for that because it hurt like a bitch. “You’re ready to push already, Gwen. I’ll let the doctor know, she’s already here.”

Great.

This was my first vaginal birth… and after three cesareans. I’ve never experienced this type of birth before, at least successfully.

Blake paled as the nurse made short work of turning my bed into a delivery center with stirrups. I would have laughed at him if another pain didn’t steal my breath. Oh Gosh, I was going to throw up…. I tried to push Blake away because I couldn’t talk.

He didn’t get it.

I puked all over my poor husband. He looked so shocked. He looked at me, then down at his shirt and jeans, then shoes. I was mortified. He looked at me and quirked a brow, then smiled, “I suppose I better get used to that huh?”

I burst into tears.

This man…. My heart.

There was a knock on the door and Endy peeked in. She handed Blake a bag. It was the baby bag that has been packed and in the back of the SUV since I was 6 months pregnant. Blake insisted that we have everything ready. It was a good thing too… because well, here we are….

Endy’s nose wrinkled, “What’s that smell?”

Blake laughed. “Gwen’s conditioning me… getting me prepared for the baby. I have an extra set of clothes and my boots in the car, if you wouldn’t mind getting them for me?”

She nodded and waved at me, then left.

I was currently trying to breathe through another pain, this one worse than the last. I glared at Blake as he walked closer. “What?” he asked me. 

Grrr.

I panted, “You and your stupid super sperm caused this.”

Then the jerk grinned at me. That’s the wrong thing to do with a pregnant woman in labor. I growled at him, around another contraction. “I’m going to wipe that grin off your face, in just a minute. I’m busy right now.”

He laughed, amused. “I love you, Pretty Girl.”

Ugh. He had to be sweet. 

Another knock on the door and my doctor entered. She smiled at us and was then gowned up. I was working on another contraction when Endy knocked and handed Blake’s clothes to him.

I pointed at him. “You better hurry up and get your ass changed or I’m going to wheel my ass in the bathroom with you. You miss this and I’m going to be pissed!”

Blake blinked, then threw his head back and laughed. He went into the bathroom that was off my hospital room and closed the door. Men. Rather, my man. Always laughing at me… like I was funny or something.

I watched as more people entered my room. Jesus. Was I holding court now? How many people did it take to deliver a baby? I started counting and only got to four when another contraction hit.

This was fast and hard and ouch and my vagina was never going to be the same again… Why didn’t I have a cesarean again? Where was Blake? I had a smile to knock off his face. A hand to squeeze… curls to look at, dimples to poke, something!! Oh my God, I was dying!!

“Shh, Gwen… You aren’t dying.” Blake’s voice murmured in my ear.

Oh.

Well, why didn’t he just say so in the beginning? Cause it sure the hell felt like it. 

“Okay Gwen, we’re going to start pushing now. I’m going to have Blake help you sit up and I want you to pull your legs towards you and push when I count and then we’ll rest and do it again.” The doctor explained.

Holy shit… it was time… I was going to be a mother again. I looked at Blake. “Are you ready for this?” 

He kissed me quickly on the lips. “I’ve been ready since I’ve met you.”

I couldn’t answer him because I was suddenly involved in a pushing war. “Push, Gwen, for a count of 10!! Good!! Keep going!!”

It took everything I had to push. I felt Blake supporting me at my back and whispering to me, “You’ve got this baby.”

“Okay, rest for just a minute Gwen. That was great. One more push and we’ll have a baby.”

That was it? My sister pushed for 2 hours! Wait… why was I complaining?

“Now, Gwen! This is it!! Push, push, push! Another count of 10!!”

I screamed as the baby finished moving through the birth canal and out into the world. I was also was crying and didn’t realize it, until Blake kissed me. We waited three seconds and heard the most precious sound in the world.

A very, very unhappy baby crying.

“It’s a girl! Blake, do you want to cut the cord?” The doctor asked him. He looked at me. 

“Go, take care of your daughter. Then bring her to me so I can see her.” I told him.

With those words, he was gone. I watched, fascinated as Blake’s big hands followed the directions of the doctor. He then followed the nurse to observe our baby girl getting cleaned up and weighed. 

Blake’s dimples were popping, eyes dancing, and his smile stretched across his face. It was an image that I imprinted on my memory… this man of mine, absolutely head over heels in love with an infant.

It took a little while for the doctor to finish with me and the nurses to clean me up. By the time I was ready, Blake sat next to me in a chair holding our daughter. I held my arms out and he smiled, bringing her to me.

Sweet Jesus.

She was utterly perfect. Brown, wispy curls laid on her head. A darling face that was the picture of my husband’s… I was in love, all over again.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I glanced at Blake. “I always wanted four kids. Thank you for giving her to me.” I said.

He smiled. “Thank you for giving me a family.”

“Are we decided on her name then?” I asked. He nodded.

“Then how about we let the rest of the family in?”

********

“Wren Sophie Shelton” Blake announced to everyone.

There were probably too many people in my hospital room, but I didn’t care. They were all family and we all came together to celebrate Wren’s birth. Granted, we thought we still had two weeks, but she was the best surprise.

And we had another surprise, one we were hoping was accepted as easily as Wren was welcomed. I didn’t realize Blake had the papers in the baby bag, but it was perfect. We discussed it and it seemed like the perfect time.

Blake approached the boys, although Apollo was too small to comprehend what was happening. “King and Zuma, I need to ask you a question.”

They were aware of the action their father had taken. It wasn’t an easy conversation and it was painful to see the confusion on their faces. We did our best to make the best of a bad situation and never once did they doubt they were loved by both of us.

Both boys were overjoyed with their baby sister. King hugged Blake and slapped him on the back, then Zuma followed his brother’s actions. Blake kneeled in front of them, so he could speak to more their level. “I have these papers, I’ve been carrying around forever. I’ve been trying to figure out how to ask you guys, but this seems like the right time. Now you can say no, okay? How would y’all feel if I adopted you?”

King’s jaw fell open and Zuma’s eyes widened. “Could we change our last name too?”

“That’s up to you, but of course.” Blake explained. “I’d also like to adopt Apollo too.”

My big boys jumped into Blake’s arms with a cry of “Woohoo” and knocked him over. He was laughing with them when they stood up.

I silently watched, from the bed, while holding our daughter. Tears streamed down my face… tears of happiness.

Our families started clapping around us.

“Three Cheers for the Shelton’s” my dad yelled.

I started to correct him…. Then I thought about it and my song, ‘A Simple Kind of Life’...

No… I’m Not Her anymore…

I cuddled my daughter closer and met my husband’s eyes across the room as he held Apollo.

I grinned.

Our love had come full circle.

-The End-


End file.
